I'm Calling You Out

I'm Calling You Out: You Didn't Actually Write ‘Someone Like You'

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This may seem irrelevant to you seeing that Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ has been peering straight into the hearts of us vulnerable women for like over a year now, but I just have to say it…. you know you didn’t actually write Someone Like You, right?

Yes, you may have lived through something heartbreakingly close. Your boyfriend left you, you tried to quit drinking diet coke cold turkey or maybe you just miss Must See TV Thursdays and sing ‘Someone Like You’ to the cast of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. when you’re lonely. (Oh, is that just me?) Well, anyway…

Here’s the thing: I get it. I’m a woman, after all– I have my period, can’t help but cry when the couples get engaged at the end of The Bachelorette (WHY JEMILY, WHY?!?!?! What about little Ricki?) and say things like “let’s go get froyo” wayyyy to often, but that still doesn’t mean I wrote ‘Someone Like You’. Which means I have to stop singing it like it did.  But really, it’s okay, because I can’t stop singing it and neither can you. I’ll prove it to you. Let’s conduct a social experiment, shall we? I dare you to put the song on right now and listen to it calmly and collectedly without closing your eyes in anguish and singing at the top of your lungs.

IT’S IMPOSSIBLE. You can’t not do it, and yet you have to, because a) it’s been a year b) it’s embarrassing and c) you’re really starting to creep out your neighbors.

And yet, there’s no easy solution. I’ve tried everything to break the addiction. Cold turkey, rehab, I’ve even tried to find a ‘Someone Like You’ Anonymous group. But there is something about that British diva’s sweet sultry voice that will always cause me to spontaneously combust while listening to this song. Really, it’s inevitable – like peanut butter and jelly, Jack and Rose or late night Taco Bell and too many vodka cranberries, there are just some things that cannot be separated, and listening to ‘Someone Like You’ and singing as if you were performing at the Grammys is just one of those inevitabilities.

So yes, even though you didn’t actually write ‘Someone Like You’, you still deserve an emotional release every once in a while. So go on, you crazy lady, ‘Someone Like You’ away, and maybe one day your demons will leave you and you can move on to less dramatic break-up songs like T.Swift’s new pop-wonder, ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ (okay, to be fair, I said less dramatic, not completely mature and undramatic). After all, if we don’t sing our feelings, how else will we deal with them? (Probably by eating them or tweeting them.)

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