Ikea Lost And Found: Dude, Where’s My Monkey?

This weekend, a monkey went shopping at Ikea. And boy, did he look good doing it. That coat! He obviously has some mad winter style.

A rhesus macaque was spotted roaming around an Ikea parking lot in Toronto Sunday afternoon. The internet went wild, further proving that we love monkeys. Canada: we try to take you guys seriously, but you continue to make it weird. The monkey’s owners left him in the car while they did their shopping, but he escaped from his crate and opened the car door to social media stardom. “It must be somebody’s pet because he was wearing a jacket,” said an Ikea spokesperson, uttering the smartest logic I’ve ever heard.

I can’t help but wonder what a monkey would buy at Ikea. A coffee table? A CD tower? Ikea, you’re trendy folk! This is begging to be your next stunt/ad campaign. Monkeys assembling nightstands. Monkeys serving meatballs. At least name a line of fürniture after the little guy.

The owner turned himself in to Animal Services and won’t get the monkey back, who will probably go to an animal sanctuary (can he bring the coat?) But can we talk about the elephant – er, monkey – in the room? Shoppers and bystanders got a kick out of uploading pictures to Twitter and talking to reporters about the monkey. But they didn’t seem too worried about the fact that he was being kept as a pet, let alone left in the car. You don’t just stop by Ikea – you plan on being there for at least three hours and two plates of Swedish meatballs. So we’re just allowing people to have pet monkeys? I don’t want to go all Peta on you, but this isn’t 1994 and you aren’t Ross Gellar.

That moment when a fake monkey has more Twitter followers than you do: to keep the 15 minutes of fame alive a little while longer, follow @IkeaMonkey. He’s quite the active tweeter, and he’s following last year’s popular parody account Bronx Zoo’s Cobra, which I respect. #rogueanimalssticktogether Who knows, maybe Ikea will adopt him and he will roam freely once again!

Featured image via Gawker, image via Comedy Central

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