Lies I Tell My Daughter

"If you're bad, you will be sent to the ‘bad kid' school. No, it is not a pretty castle in the sky."

Any parent will tell you it’s hard and often challenging being a parent. You spend all your time trying to make your kids happy and trying to educate them and teach them as much as you can about the world. You take them on vacations, pay for their school, treat them to surprises, give them candy, make their days as special as you can.

Sunny’s an amazing kid. But like every child, she has her good days and her bad days. Unfortunately, sometimes her bad days make me want to rip my hair out. So when I’m at my wits end, I tell her that she’s no longer fit for a regular school where nice children attend and she will have to go to a “special school”, the school where only bad kids go where they don’t have yoga and cooking and art.

This school is for bad listeners. Here’s what a day at the “special school” looks like:

They make you brush your teeth all day, take showers three times a day, pediatricians come and give you a shot in the butt every morning and you have to clean up all day. After clean up time, it’s time to watch presidential debates on TV.

The last time I threatened this, I really thought I got through to her. She looked at me as she took all of this in, and asked, “Is it a pretty castle in the sky like Rapunzel lives in?”