If You Like My Toe Cleavage, You're Going to Love My "Loub Job"

The other day, my friend asked me if my heels were comfortable. I replied “Oh, these? Yeah, they’re actually really comfortable.” To which he responded, “That’s what all women say.” I, of course, as always, was telling the truth. I like to avoid heels unless I can actually find a pair that I can wear all night without wanting to rip them off – which, by the way, I have been able to do with success.

I’m amazed by women who can wear trendy stilts all night and make it look effortless. At least I was, until I found out I was being lied to. The other day, I read this post in The Sun about the rising trend of women in the UK getting a specific type of cosmetic foot surgery fondly called the “Loub Job.”

“What’s a ‘Loub Job’?” you ask? Well, besides being an incredibly suggestive title for a surgery, it’s really nothing much. You know, just an itsy bitsy $600 surgery where a doctor injects some crazy filler into your toes, balls of your feet and heels so you can wear your $900-$2000 7-inch Christian Louboutins as long as you want and continue to emulate your favorite celebrities. Yeah, this is actually happening, and who cares if said surgery only lasts six months? Money is totally whatevs these days.

Okay, I do like Louboutins with their lovely iconic red soles, and I know my landlord would understand if I missed two or three months’ rent so I could finally own a pair, but really? Must we really go and have these expensive surgeries so we can wear shoes we may or may not be able to afford? And for what reason? Because we see some sweet celeb rocking them at the Kids’ Choice Awards? No, not on my watch.

I’m sure I sound like your mom, but who cares if celebs are getting the surgery and wearing 7-inch Louboutins? It doesn’t mean we all should. I’ll never forget the first time I read this quote: “Your body is a temple.” The fact that it was on the side of a Jamba Juice cup is irrelevant. The point is, we should respect our bodies and therefore should not inject them with fillers made of who knows what. There is a reason heels cause pain – they’re bad for our feet. Plus, the surgery sounds regrettable. I’d rather wear three layers of Dr. Scholl’s gel insoles.

Aren’t women in our generation supposed to be smarter? We’re better than making these silly and possibly/definitely health threatening inflictions to our bodies-by choice no less. We read about the painful practice of Chinese foot binding in history class. We grew up in a post fen-phenworld. We’re better than these surgeries that make us feel sexier or closer to celeb status. It’s time we all got out of the tanning bed, looked in the mirror and said “Self, I’m better than ‘Loub Jobs’.”

After you’ve tried to say that without laughing, let me know what you think. Are these surgeries okay? Would you get a “Loub Job”? Should people be spending so much money on something that is unnatural and so expensive? How many of the Real Housewives already have this surgery? If you already have it, why do you love it? Will the cellphone bra cause breast cancer? Why did Victoria Beckham leave her son Brooklyn at home? Why does my family’s dog Alice love baby carrots? So many questions, that NEED answers.

Images via Featureflash / Shutterstock.com and celebitchy.com

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