My entire life has been a series of “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em”s. That line of thinking is how I started playing guitar and DJing, so I use that phrase a lot because it makes sense to me. I’m the first one to suggest that as a solution, unless of course this particular “them” to be joining is a gang of gutless intolerant creeps in odd costumes. In that case, I suggest you run. Yes, a knee brace-breaking sprint, a Forrest Gump run. I would suggest not stopping until you either die from exhaustion, or find a safe haven.
Growing up in New York City, school children were told that if ever they were scared while traveling to or from school, they should look for the yellow “safe haven” sticker in the window of a shop or restaurant and they could call home or the police (depending on the situation) from inside. I was lucky enough to never have to use this amazing service but I do wish there were more “safe havens” in my adult life. For instance, casinos should have safe havens for being too drunk, restaurants should have safe havens for eating too much – and I don’t mean a bathroom – and the universe at large should have safe havens for falling in and out of love.
Falling in love is super scary but I’ve found it is not nearly as scary as falling out of love. My friend Brad once told me that to be the one who is loved is much more painful than to be the one in love. I thought he was nuts at the time but as I get older (trust me, I’m old) I realize that I’d much rather have someone leave me than be the one to leave. In fact, most of my relationships have ended with me making it impossible for the other person to stay. I push them to the point where they have no choice but to walk away. This scenario works best for me because then I never have to be the one to say, “Yes, I want you to leave.”
Speaking those 6 words is almost impossible for me. Just because you’ve fallen out of love with someone doesn’t mean you don’t still love them. At least it hasn’t been that way for me. Sometimes it isn’t even about falling out of love, it’s about finally taking a stand on being disrespected. Other times it’s about doing what is best for the other person and, well, sometimes it’s just about being selfish because you’ve met someone you like more. We’ve all been in at least one or two of those scenarios and they’re no fun – and let’s be honest, “fun” is why we were there in the first place. However, if plates are being thrown about like you’re at a Greek wedding, don’t try to beat ‘em or join ‘em, just walk away.
Image via Safe Haven