My absolute favorite show is Law & Order: SVU
. Over the course of about two years, I watched every season on Netflix Instant. For the first two seasons, I cried at least once during every episode because I couldn’t handle how emotional it made me to see women and children being beaten and raped. Somewhere around season 3, I became totally desensitized and started to fall asleep to episodes at night, every night.
It’s just not fair that Ice Loves Coco
insists on using SVU
’s patented DUN-DUN sound effect whenever they’re filming on set. I’ve become Pavlovian conditioned to associate that sound byte with Christopher Meloni. When there’s no Stabler after DUN-DUN, I get disappointed.
But Mariska Hargitay will do. If I was trapped on a deserted island with only Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay and was totally denied by Chris when I inevitably make my sexual advances, I wouldn’t even by that disappointed that I was only left with Mariska. You don’t see people with her caliber of class very often anymore.Coco greets her with a “hi, Marsk!” and I am instantaneously jealous. I long to be friendly enough with Mariska to call her Marsk. That’s all I want.
Get this: Ice T is an uncle. I mean, we knew that. I knew that. I know you knew that. But did we really ever stop and think that there are kids out there who refer to their uncle as Uncle Ice? Did we?
If you told 25-year-old gangster rapper Ice T that his future would include two girls in bathing suits under each arm, this is not what he would have pictured.
I love all dogs. I especially love any dog with a squishy face. Believe me, I’m pro-dog all around. That doesn’t mean that I can’t think that we need to do away with English Bulldogs. They’re very much a man-made breed: they have trouble conceiving naturally, they are almost always born via cesarian section due to their large heads and small hips and apparently they can’t swim without the aid of a life jacket.
I think it’s time we stop mutilating our breeds because they look cute. Living in a world without English Bulldogs and Dachshunds sounds like my idea of Hell, but we need to make some sacrifices for the sake of their poor little bodies.Coco’s mother literally looks like a sister of Coco and Kristy.
If I saw the three of them side by side, I’m not even certain I would be able to discern the mother as being significantly older.
How does she do it? Does it all rely in the liquid sweetener she carries around in her purse?
What is that stuff? Why does it look like some sort of super illegal cattle growth hormone or something? I do appreciate a lady who keeps the unexpected in her purse, though. You’ll never find me anywhere without some paper clips and band aids.
While at Kristy’s ultrasound appointment, Coco talks to her unborn nephew, welcoming him to the world and telling him that “it will be a better world with him”.
The room collectively awws
and Coco appears delighted that she just said something so smart and touching. I had the same face last night, when my friend and I were post-margaritas but pre-dinner.“I don’t even want to eat anymore I’m so full,” my friend said.
“I know,” I agreed. “Let’s just leave before the food gets here.”
“Chew and screw,” she replied, referencing the popular phrase used to describe a dine and dash.
“More like sip and DIP,” I corrected while glancing at our empty glasses. Then I high-fived myself while she struggled to not punch me in the face.
In the end, we ended up staying because we had ordered tacos, so duh.
For the fifth episode in a row, Ice T and Coco prove they have a more superior relationship than almost anyone else in America. All I want is a former gangster who enjoys a manicure, is that too much to ask?
A couple who gets pedicures together stays together.Kristy’s baby shower, hosted by her sister, is a huge flop until Kyle arrives in drag.
The white-bred, Aquanet, Arizona suburban moms appear totally shocked at seeing Kyle in a dress. My guess is that most of them are just jealous.
“When I saw Kyle, it got my Coco juices flowing,” Coco says. Wait, what? Don’t call it that, Coco. No one likes it when you call it that.
The rivulets of Coco juices flowed into a lake of Coco and Kyle performing a dance for Kristy. Just to recap: as a birthday present to Kristy, Coco dances in a minidress in front of everyone during Kristy’s baby shower.
And Kristy? Kristy just smiles. She’s 48 months pregnant with her 35th child, her sister is a rich butt model married to Ice T. She’s more mature, more knowing, more worldly than nearly all of us. So when her sister, Queen Coco, drops it low, she knows exactly how to react: with a thank you.