Admittedly, I’ve never read a Nicholas Sparks book. But I have seen enough of the trailers for the movie adaptations to know that they’re all about a bunch of young, attractive white people overcoming some silly misunderstanding to discover “The Greatest Love of All”. While the only type of love I specialize in is of the unrequited variety, I bet I still could write some awesome Nicholas Sparks-like romance novels:
1. In Perfect Harmony
Growing up, Sarah is rarely seen without a guitar. She never dated, as boys always came second to Sarah’s passion for becoming a singer/songwriter. In college, she notices a fellow musician who frequently attends her open-mic performances at coffee shops named Casey. Although she dismisses his initial advances, Sarah finally agrees to go on a date with Casey after he offers her a guitar pick when she can’t find her own right before an important gig. In no time, Sarah and Casey’s relationship takes off. They share a mutual love of music… and each other.
Caught up in her new relationship, Sarah does not put in too much effort preparing for the statewide song contest she had been looking forward to. When Sarah finds out that Casey also intends to enter the contest, she breaks up with him, claiming that it was Casey’s intention to distract her all along. Still heartbroken, Sarah does not perform to the best of her ability at the competition. However, Casey’s love song is so touching that he wins. Sarah screams at Casey offstage for destroying her dreams. Casey reveals that he only won because of Sarah’s influence – he had written the love song about her. Sarah cries. They make love.
When Casey moves on to the national competition, he invites Sarah to sing along with him on stage. After turning the song into a duet, their voices blend so harmoniously that together they win the national contest. Decades later, they dance to their song at their 50th wedding anniversary party.
2. A Love That Won’t Disappear
Since childhood, Grace has had a crush on Donald. When Donald, an aspiring magician, puts out an ad in the paper for an assistant, Grace jumps at the opportunity. The pair grows close after weeks of practicing their tricks. After successfully sawing Grace in half for the first time (by which I mean he managed to only pretend to cut her in half), the two share a kiss. When Donald insists that he wants to keep their relationship strictly professional, Grace vanishes – not magically into thin air, but out the front door, quitting the show just two days before their debut performance.
Realizing he has been so focused on his show that he’s ignored his feelings for Grace, Donald tries to make it up to her by going to her house and pulling a dove and a bouquet of flowers out of his sleeve. Grace is not impressed, perhaps in part because she knows how Donald does the trick. Donald leaves heartbroken, but vows to win her heart back one day.
Years later, Donald has become a famous magician and comes back to perform a show in his hometown. Grace decides to attend, and when Donald asks for an audience member, she volunteers. He saws her in half perfectly, as if no time has passed since they last practiced the trick. After the show, they make love. Donald tells Grace, “There is nothing quite as magical as the love I’ve always felt for you.” Decades later, they perform the saw-a-lady-in-half trick again at their 50th wedding anniversary party.
3. Another Walk to Remember
After staring longingly at the back of Katelyn’s neck each day in class, the slightly dorky Eric finally works up the nerve to ask Katelyn to prom. Katelyn laughs and tells Eric that she wants to go with someone more popular, and instead accepts an invite from Lucas, a lacrosse star. A week before the prom, Katelyn falls during a cheerleading lift and breaks both of her legs. Because he wants a date who will actually dance rather than “a cripple”, Lucas dumps Katelyn. Noticing Katelyn crying in her wheelchair, Eric asks Katelyn to prom once again, and this time she accepts.
Though Katelyn is initially embarrassed to show up to prom wearing two casts and with a date as unpopular as Eric, she ends up having a great time. Eric is way more charming than she gave him credit for. Plus, he cleans up nice when wearing a tux. After the dance, they even kiss. For the next few weeks, the two develop a beautiful relationship and Katelyn begins to discover the person she’s always wanted to be… that is until Eric is drafted to Vietnam.
While looking sexy at war (because a man in uniform, amiright?), Eric has his legs blown off. Shipped home, Eric avoids contact with Katelyn, who has since recovered from her own injuries. Finally, Katelyn forces a confrontation, where Eric explains that he didn’t want to bother because while he lucked out to get Katelyn when she was injured, it would never work the other way around. “Even though I couldn’t walk, I have never felt more loved than when you were right there beside me. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way,” Katelyn tells Eric. If Eric’s injuries didn’t make it impossible, they would make love. Decades later, a brittle Katelyn is back in a wheelchair again, holding Eric’s hand at their 50th wedding anniversary party.
I’m on to something, right? Would you read my books? Or at least promise to see the movie version if they cast one of the guys from Twilight?