Writing In Bed

I Want To Be Cute

I wish I was cute. I know that I’m cute in the face region, but I mean that I want to be cute on the inside.

I want to care about puppies.

I want to look good in vintage dresses and bangs, but my forehead is too small and my body is configured for jeans and hoodies.

I want to squeal whenever I see a cute animal video and I want to feel feelings whenever I see a picture of Ryan Gosling, but my heart doesn’t even skip a beat even though my eyes know I’m looking at someone delicious.

I want to go nuts over cupcakes and other pastries and I want to know what it’s like to wake up in a room that smells like scented candles.

Instead, I’ve got a Ralph Steadman Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas poster and a mash up of the Mona Lisa and Van Gogh’s Starry Night while my cat snoozes on my side of the bed.

I’ve given the cute thing a shot by seeing if I can get into something. You know how some of your coworkers have a “thing”, and you immediately know what that thing is when you look at their desks and there’s a lot of it everywhere? For example, my friend Linda has a Hello Kitty museum at hers. Our friend Letty has a few Betty Boop dolls. I barely eked by with a Beanie Baby Snoopy and Charlie Brown, but not enough to brand myself in the office.

What’s my thing gonna be? I used to love koalas, and while I don’t love them any less, you don’t see them everywhere, either. I tried owls, as well, but I forget about them too quickly.

Coffee? I suppose I can set my computer’s desktop wallpaper to a hot cup of joe to replace my picture of Zak Bagans. But, it’s ZAK BAGANS. I can’t!

I have also tried smiling more so that I can give off less of a Wednesday Addams vibe. After thorough research, however, I have determined that she is, in fact, my spirit animal, which might also explain why I’ve always had a slight fascination with that Cosmic Debris character Emily the Strange. I mean, it got to the point where I tattooed one of her cats on my hip. I’m not an idiot, I just like tattoos of things I like to look at. Wait, can you be cute with tattoos like that? Probably, right? It’s a cat! Cute girls love cats.

Also, being cute means that men feel more comfortable around you because you don’t give them the sense that you can dropkick them at any moment during a date. You can’t cause any internal bleeding if say, you’re wearing flats versus stilettos. I’m aware that I am quite aggressive, which might be why men sort of back away slowly when they sense that my ovaries are preparing to release an egg into the wild. And instead of a cute giggle, I have a vulgar laugh. It’s loud and menacing, but I like to think it celebrates whatever has happened during a comedic moment.

I want to be cute, I really do, but I’m not built to be so gentle and kind as a default setting. I come at things with the instinct to overcome discomforts and awkward moments. I leave the house in sneakers so I can walk over rocks without wincing. I wear jeans everyday so cold air doesn’t crawl up my crotch and make me shudder. I’m sure my mother wants to be able to say, “This dainty thing here is my daughter and look how adorable she is!” instead of, “This is my daughter and she never wears things that would look nice on her. She never listens to me. God, I hate your Converse shoes.”

Alright, I’ll try the bangs. And if this fails, they grow back right away, right?

Girl in dress image via ShutterShock

  • http://www.facebook.com/kddurann Karina Duran

    “And instead of a cute giggle, I have a vulgar laugh” LOVED this part. Same here!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1694833880 Doodle Do

    I already find you cute :*

  • http://www.facebook.com/onesmartsandwich Rebecca Lynn

    Try the bangs. And find a boy who laughs louder than you. It worked for me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/cristinamoreno Cristina Moreno

    Your posts always make me so happy. I, too, would like to rock little vintage dresses and bangs. But I don’t fit into those dresses and bangs don’t work for my face. I snort when I laugh and I curse like a f**king sailor and could give a sh*t about Ryan Gosling. I love puppies, though.

    I can be aggressive and rude and bitchy and not at all kind. I’m trying to make it work for me.

    (Also, you can totally rock Converse with a dress. It’s what all the cute girls are doing.)

    • Marianna

      Aw thank you. I like you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/SaraMonster Sara Griffith

    I feel less alone in my uncuteness now, thank you! I try to do cute girly things on occasion and all I can think while doing them is how ridiculous or impractical it is.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=812828503 Alison Mclean

    The grass is not always greener :) As someone already on the cute side (that sounds so narcissistic), I’ve always been jealous of the girls with sex appeal! So although I have more sundresses than jeans, I have not one cleavage shirt. I think I need to change that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=5138800 Sarah Gecan

    Being cute is overrated. However, being awesome is not and it seems as though you have got that down. Plus, being yourself and refusing to waiver never really goes out of style since much of that “cute” stuff does.

  • http://www.facebook.com/christine.doton Christine Doton

    I’m somewhere between cutesy and harsh. I love polka dots and small versions of things, puppies and stuffed animals. I even enjoy baking and have these cut little boxes specifically for giving cookies/cupcakes to my friends. They think it’s just the cutest thing ever. But I also have a vulgar laugh, I curse constantly, I prefer jeans and boots to just about anything else and I’m no stranger to metal concerts. (I also love Emily the Strange.)

    It appears I’m in a cute/scary limbo.

  • Marianna

    You guys!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1247910970 Tinjo Segui

    I feel you. Really.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rachel.lam.yw Rachel Lam

    Totally agree about having a ‘thing’! I can never understand it and sometimes to me it just looks like borderline obsession with that thing. I do love notebooks though. Does that count?

    • Marianna

      Are they cute notebooks?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1416960430 Neil Pechart

      OMG! They always have super cute notebooks at Ross! Sorry, just tryin’ to girl it up while I’m on here so the bangs gang doesn’t kick me off.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ashley.lynn.cook Ashley Lynn Cook

    Girl yes! I want to be cute so bad, and have an adorable thrifty chic yet audrey hepburn style, but it’s SO HARD when I’m a 6′ tall amazon woman lol! And it’s not a willowy 6′, I’m a curvy, muscular 6′ tall! haha! Can amazon women be cute? XD

    • Marianna

      that’s the best comment/question ever.
      Yes, even Amazonian queens can be cute. I know this because the ones who bullied me while in line for a shuttle bus were like, 6 feet tall and were girly and cute at the same time.

    • http://www.facebook.com/anna.dobben Anna Dobben

      I’m 6’2 and the only way people ever describe me is cute! (And I’m not willowy, I’m like you!) Let’s join forces and start a clothing store for Amazons.

    • http://www.facebook.com/hayley.bergan Hayley Bergan

      Cute IS really difficult to achieve when you’re crazy tall. Especially when that means 6’3” and a gigantic bone structure that makes me a size 8-10. I wish for cuteness and cute summer dresses that don’t scream ‘slut’ because of all the leggage hanging out of the bottom. If you ladies start that clothing line, I’ll be the first one in line. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002905090066 Christy Berg

    Bangs do grow back! It just takes a while…
    I tried the bangs and vintage dress look, but my face was just too round and my calfs just too big! Being cute is hard, so I went back to the classic jeans and peacoat look and thank god! My legs have feeling again!

    • Marianna

      That’s a look I can do. I have some thick calves too and I don’t want to scare anyone with a potentially powerful kick to the groin.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1416960430 Neil Pechart

      Had a girlfriend in college with powerful legs (including calves) and a round face. She wore those high-waisted baby-doll dresses and mary janes all the time and pulled it off big time.

  • http://www.facebook.com/gea.marin Gea MarĂ­n

    Aww I want to be cute, too, but I’m not. I’ve got bangs, even! I’ve been wearing them all my life! but no. I also like cute stuff but it seems that I can’t be one of those cute girls that can make guys go crazy with a smile -I can make them going nuts wit my riddles, though. Lol. Oh, and I don’t even wear jewellery -I wear scarfs and pashminas, and I look horrible in vintage dresses… or dresses, in general, if it comes to it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Ptree Trish Rollins

    I pull off the cute look because I’m small and live in dresses but my desk is covered in Mets stuff, I’m awkward and I have an outbursty laugh that sounds fake even though it’s real. So take that men who hit on me because they assume I’m meek and mild!

    • Marianna

      Ha! Love this!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001854596154 Engelin Frei

    I’m not sure exactly what I am, though I do attempt more at the cute side. I do wear dresses, and also have bangs, although right now they are kind of out of control. But I’m sooo into zombie stuff, I don’t think that’s necessarily cute, but whatevs, it’s a great hobby. Anyways, what I wanted to say is that whatever you are, as long as you are true to yourself, what you like and what makes you really happy you will always be more attractive.

  • http://www.facebook.com/halley.thiel Halley Beth

    Zak Bagans. Yes. Zak Bagans!

    • http://www.facebook.com/WritingInBed Marianna Tabares

      Zak is my king!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=227201561 Anne Garrett

    Marianna, you are a girl after my own heart. HAHAHAHA. I loved the bit about looking like Wednesday Addams. God I love the Addams Family. Wednesday Addams is soooo cool in my books. Girl you just keep rocking those Converse kicks and jeans and I’ll keep rockin’ mine. Is it weird that I don’t even own a dress? With the exception of a brides maid dress that I wore three years ago. I own two skirts. Clearly I am a pants only type of girl. I just don’t feel that heels and skirts are realistic, well I will get dressed up for formal occasions which happen every three years it seems for me. I like to think of myself as a female Indiana Jones where I wear clothes that allow me to be ready for any situation rather than acting like the damsel in distress because I am stuck in dis dress (hahaha see what I did there???)

    • http://www.facebook.com/WritingInBed Marianna Tabares

      Exaaaactly. I live my life like I’m in an action movie. Because when trouble arises, you gotta be able to run fast and jump over fences!

  • http://www.facebook.com/forgottenfancies Carmen Hui

    This article is hilarious! Unfortunately I am someone whom everyone defines as cute. It is not as great as you would imagined, everyone seems to have this need to protect you whatever you do and if I ever attempt to show them I’m tough, they just look at you and say “aww… you are so god damn cute!”

    • http://www.facebook.com/WritingInBed Marianna Tabares

      LOL! Well I have to say I’ve met some dainty ladies who have taught me a lot about not judging their appearance. They ended up being tough and wouldn’t put up with anyone’s crap so I was like, dang Tiger, settle down. But just the fact that they can comfortably wear something feminine and cute, I’m like, ugh why do I always look like a Sunday school teacher even in “sexy” dresses???

  • http://www.facebook.com/beautifulsavagelica Angelica Perez

    zak bagans, formidable laugh, trying to smile more often.
    I 100% feel you girl.
    well frankly, I knew what you meant once the mention of Mr. Zak.
    But I think we’re just as cute.
    I try to rock my jeans with braids & experiment with new shades of lipstick so I look more “Boop-Oop-a-Doop”
    Cute comes in flavors, right?

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