Writing In Bed I Want To Be Cute Marianna Tabares

I wish I was cute. I know that I’m cute in the face region, but I mean that I want to be cute on the inside.

I want to care about puppies.

I want to look good in vintage dresses and bangs, but my forehead is too small and my body is configured for jeans and hoodies.

I want to squeal whenever I see a cute animal video and I want to feel feelings whenever I see a picture of Ryan Gosling, but my heart doesn’t even skip a beat even though my eyes know I’m looking at someone delicious.

I want to go nuts over cupcakes and other pastries and I want to know what it’s like to wake up in a room that smells like scented candles.

Instead, I’ve got a Ralph Steadman Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas poster and a mash up of the Mona Lisa and Van Gogh’s Starry Night while my cat snoozes on my side of the bed.

I’ve given the cute thing a shot by seeing if I can get into something. You know how some of your coworkers have a “thing”, and you immediately know what that thing is when you look at their desks and there’s a lot of it everywhere? For example, my friend Linda has a Hello Kitty museum at hers. Our friend Letty has a few Betty Boop dolls. I barely eked by with a Beanie Baby Snoopy and Charlie Brown, but not enough to brand myself in the office.

What’s my thing gonna be? I used to love koalas, and while I don’t love them any less, you don’t see them everywhere, either. I tried owls, as well, but I forget about them too quickly.

Coffee? I suppose I can set my computer’s desktop wallpaper to a hot cup of joe to replace my picture of Zak Bagans. But, it’s ZAK BAGANS. I can’t!

I have also tried smiling more so that I can give off less of a Wednesday Addams vibe. After thorough research, however, I have determined that she is, in fact, my spirit animal, which might also explain why I’ve always had a slight fascination with that Cosmic Debris character Emily the Strange. I mean, it got to the point where I tattooed one of her cats on my hip. I’m not an idiot, I just like tattoos of things I like to look at. Wait, can you be cute with tattoos like that? Probably, right? It’s a cat! Cute girls love cats.

Also, being cute means that men feel more comfortable around you because you don’t give them the sense that you can dropkick them at any moment during a date. You can’t cause any internal bleeding if say, you’re wearing flats versus stilettos. I’m aware that I am quite aggressive, which might be why men sort of back away slowly when they sense that my ovaries are preparing to release an egg into the wild. And instead of a cute giggle, I have a vulgar laugh. It’s loud and menacing, but I like to think it celebrates whatever has happened during a comedic moment.

I want to be cute, I really do, but I’m not built to be so gentle and kind as a default setting. I come at things with the instinct to overcome discomforts and awkward moments. I leave the house in sneakers so I can walk over rocks without wincing. I wear jeans everyday so cold air doesn’t crawl up my crotch and make me shudder. I’m sure my mother wants to be able to say, “This dainty thing here is my daughter and look how adorable she is!” instead of, “This is my daughter and she never wears things that would look nice on her. She never listens to me. God, I hate your Converse shoes.”

Alright, I’ll try the bangs. And if this fails, they grow back right away, right?

Girl in dress image via ShutterShock

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  1. don’t ever change that bagans picture! do you follow him on twitter? you might start hating him if you do.

  2. And from a guys perspective… (at least this guy) cute is to me what a n9ine volt battery is to my tongue. My wife is pretty on the outside and beautiful on the inside but cute doesn’t even enter into it. She laughs and fart jokes and is easily the the most practical person I know. Be you. Emily Strange probably microwaves Hello kitty for fun.

    • LOL!!! Oh man, Linda would hate to hear that. But Emily the Strange LOOOOVES kitties! Well, the black ones anyway.

      Marianna | 3/30/2012 09:03 am
  3. Hahahaha! OMG, this made me laugh. :)

  4. @Marianna My tastes in notebooks vary, including cute notebooks, but there is a line to be drawn between intelligent and sweet cute, and just plain sickening all-pink and sweet cute.

  5. I agree with this on so many levels, but people automatically label me as “cute” since I’m really small and “adorable” looking. Then they are surprised that I swear like a trucker, have a (slight) obsession with football, and when find out that I can probably kick their ass due to my many years in martial arts. But I experience both sides: I’m too “cute” or “adorable” to be viewed as my actual age (I’m 19 but people think I’m in middle/high school) or I’m too “tomboyish”. Feel like I can’t win, especially with attracting the right fellas, but thanks for making me feel like I’m not the only one in this predicament :)

  6. “I want to be cute, I really do, but I’m not built to be so gentle and kind as a default setting.”
    I can totally relate to this!

  7. One day last fall I watched 2 whole football games by myself and then two episodes of project runway and cared about the outcome of both shows equally. So I like to think you can be both, and if I didn’t think that, I’d have an identity crisis.

  8. This was fantastic! I feel like this daily, plus I have the joy to work at a football stadium
    with mostly guys that make me feel like a shlub. Doesn’t help one of our cheerleaders shares my name, so she gets to be “Hot Megan.” I just get to be me. I’d adore to be cute, but I’m getting used to being the awkward nerd girl who makes the banging cupcakes. I’ll just let Tina Fey be my Dorothy bespectacled brunette gal life coach.

  9. I could have written this myself. Every day I wish I were cute. Life seems so much easier for the cute girls. But there must be something I have that the cute girls want–right? I mean, they probably think I’m never scared to walk down a dark alley by myself. Which most of the time I’m not. I’d like to see someone write a piece from the other side of this fence. Maybe there are things we can share with each other.

    • You mean something like, “I Want To Be …” Whatever the other side of cute is? Hmm, this intrigues me.

      Marianna | 3/28/2012 11:03 am
  10. Why can’t I reply to comments by the writer? :(

    • No idea. But whatever you wanted to comment, just write a new one with @ and to the person’s name?

      Marianna | 3/28/2012 11:03 am
  11. I think you’re the cutest girl I know.

  12. Oh god, bangs. I can’t have bangs, I have a cowlick on my hairline. So I’m never gonna be able to do it, but I want them! :(
    But yeah I wear dresses but I’m never classified as cute, usually as a nerd and somehow this scares off nerdy guys. I don’t know if it’s because I’m more nerdy than them, or because they’re nerds and are afraid of girls.

  13. the same principle applies to me and flirting. i WANT to try, but i know i’m just gonna do it wrong.

  14. zak bagans, formidable laugh, trying to smile more often.
    I 100% feel you girl.
    well frankly, I knew what you meant once the mention of Mr. Zak.
    But I think we’re just as cute.
    I try to rock my jeans with braids & experiment with new shades of lipstick so I look more “Boop-Oop-a-Doop”
    Cute comes in flavors, right?

  15. This article is hilarious! Unfortunately I am someone whom everyone defines as cute. It is not as great as you would imagined, everyone seems to have this need to protect you whatever you do and if I ever attempt to show them I’m tough, they just look at you and say “aww… you are so god damn cute!”

    • LOL! Well I have to say I’ve met some dainty ladies who have taught me a lot about not judging their appearance. They ended up being tough and wouldn’t put up with anyone’s crap so I was like, dang Tiger, settle down. But just the fact that they can comfortably wear something feminine and cute, I’m like, ugh why do I always look like a Sunday school teacher even in “sexy” dresses???

  16. Marianna, you are a girl after my own heart. HAHAHAHA. I loved the bit about looking like Wednesday Addams. God I love the Addams Family. Wednesday Addams is soooo cool in my books. Girl you just keep rocking those Converse kicks and jeans and I’ll keep rockin’ mine. Is it weird that I don’t even own a dress? With the exception of a brides maid dress that I wore three years ago. I own two skirts. Clearly I am a pants only type of girl. I just don’t feel that heels and skirts are realistic, well I will get dressed up for formal occasions which happen every three years it seems for me. I like to think of myself as a female Indiana Jones where I wear clothes that allow me to be ready for any situation rather than acting like the damsel in distress because I am stuck in dis dress (hahaha see what I did there???)

    • Exaaaactly. I live my life like I’m in an action movie. Because when trouble arises, you gotta be able to run fast and jump over fences!

  17. Zak Bagans. Yes. Zak Bagans!

  18. I’m not sure exactly what I am, though I do attempt more at the cute side. I do wear dresses, and also have bangs, although right now they are kind of out of control. But I’m sooo into zombie stuff, I don’t think that’s necessarily cute, but whatevs, it’s a great hobby. Anyways, what I wanted to say is that whatever you are, as long as you are true to yourself, what you like and what makes you really happy you will always be more attractive.

  19. I pull off the cute look because I’m small and live in dresses but my desk is covered in Mets stuff, I’m awkward and I have an outbursty laugh that sounds fake even though it’s real. So take that men who hit on me because they assume I’m meek and mild!

  20. Aww I want to be cute, too, but I’m not. I’ve got bangs, even! I’ve been wearing them all my life! but no. I also like cute stuff but it seems that I can’t be one of those cute girls that can make guys go crazy with a smile -I can make them going nuts wit my riddles, though. Lol. Oh, and I don’t even wear jewellery -I wear scarfs and pashminas, and I look horrible in vintage dresses… or dresses, in general, if it comes to it.