I Should Not Be Reviewing MoviesI Vow To Love The Smell Of My Significant Other's FartsAli Ashbaker

Okay, maybe not love but at least tolerate. Or at least laugh at. Farts are funny, no matter what.

This past weekend, I went to see The Vow and I officially vow to do whatever Rachel McAdams says from now on. Homegirl was so good in this movie. Seriously, loved her. I actually read the book of the real-life events that inspired the movie before seeing it. I only bring this up to let you know how smart I am. I’m sure you already know the film’s basic story because the commercial for this movie played 1,000 times during this week’s Teen Mom 2 episode. (Janelle, no words.) Rachel McAdams plays Paige, an artist who is stricken with amnesia after crashing through a car windshield. You guys, wait until you see the crash scene in the movie. Never has anyone made flying through shattered glass look so good. And she barely even had a scratch on her face. I mean, considering that they were rear-ended by a semi-truck, you would think she would have come out looking like Freddy Krueger. But no, there was barely a scratch on that angel face.

When she wakes up from her coma in the hospital, she mistakenly thinks her husband Leo, played by Mr. Channing Tatum, is her doctor. Heartbreak Hotel. Leo is really sad and sets out to get her to fall in love with him all over again. Although, you would never know that Leo is sad because Channing Tatum’s face never moves. There is a part where he cries and it was actually the funniest part of the movie for me. Watching him strain to produce one, single tear while listening to his Grey’s Anatomy-esque voice-over was gut-busting.

To make things more complicated, Paige’s parents enter the picture. She was estranged from them for several years before her accident, but they are all that she remembers so quickly runs back into their arms. Paige’s mom is played by Jessica Lange and she has the meatiest scene in the whole movie. This scene was the only scene that actually moved me to tears and I can’t wait for everyone to see it. Seriously, it alone makes the movie worth seeing in the theatre.

In order to explain Paige’s vacillating personality (from artsy-fartsy to lawyer prep), the film offers several scenes from her earlier life and, at every age, her hairstyle changes. This got me thinking about hair and how Rachel McAdams can seriously have any hairstyle on earth and still look good. She has like, some magically proportioned face that always looks good, no matter what. Throw anything at her: bangs, short, long, blonde, bob, brunette, pixie, red. Rachel McAdams is a magical creature! And I made a grid to prove my point.

Speaking of fartsy, just incase I should ever lose my memory, I would like to put it in writing that when my tragedy/love story gets made into a movie someday, I wouldn’t mind Rachel McAdams playing me. Or Jen Aniston. Or Chelsea Handler. Okay, let’s get real, Sarah Silverman.

P.S.

Remember when this was real life?

Sometimes I miss those days.

I recommend seeing this movie if: you are a hairstylist and you are doing research on people who can pull off any hair-do. Also, if you love sappy, slightly trite romance movies with stone-faced men, like me.

I wanna know: what did you think of The Vow? Who do you want to play you in your life movie? And what new movies are you dying to see?

All photos from here.

 

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  1. I wasn’t planning on seeing this movie, but I do like your taste… That’s it. You’ve talked me into it. Speaking of Rachel, have you seen her in The Family Stone? That was some fantastic acting. Her character was subtle and human and not always very nice. Which is why I could relate :)

  2. She’s stunning, and I definitely need to see this movie. I think Katie Holmes or Katie Melua could play you in a movie of your life c: …but I do think Sarah Silverman is pretty amazing, so that would be really, really kewl too *o*

  3. I feel the exact same way! Like, why is Rachel so damn perfect! Tatum needs to just walk around with his shirt off and not talk. That way I can let his emotional short comings slide. This was no ‘Notebook’ (oh how I miss Ryan and Rachel) but it was decent and I enjoyed it as well. As for someone playing my life in a movie (which probably will happen) I am going say Jessica Lang circa All That Jazz! While I’m talking about Jessica, can I please thank her for aging gracefully! She looks amazing!

  4. I’m a sucker for any and all romantic movies. Sooo naturally, I enjoyed it! Channing Tatum isn’t great at emoting… but at least he’s stuck with great bone structure and a strong jaw. =) As for who I would want to play me in a movie (like that would EVER happen! hah!), I’d have to say Ginnifer Goodwin or Emma Stone. Love them both.

  5. Gotta admit, I loved The Vow. Not the greatest movie, but I went for it. Because, I too, will do anything Rachel McAdams says. I covet her bangs. And, her yoga muscles.

  6. I thought the EXACT same thing about Channing Tatum when I saw the Dear John! HE. IS. AWWWWWFUL!! LOL….his face IS stuck! Because of his face, I can’t bring myself to see The Vow, but I do wanna see that Will Ferrill spanish movie next month. And I’d like Ginnifer Goodwin to play me in a movie.