I Should Not Be Reviewing Movies

I Vow To Love The Smell Of My Significant Other's Farts

Okay, maybe not love but at least tolerate. Or at least laugh at. Farts are funny, no matter what.

This past weekend, I went to see The Vow and I officially vow to do whatever Rachel McAdams says from now on. Homegirl was so good in this movie. Seriously, loved her. I actually read the book of the real-life events that inspired the movie before seeing it. I only bring this up to let you know how smart I am. I’m sure you already know the film’s basic story because the commercial for this movie played 1,000 times during this week’s Teen Mom 2 episode. (Janelle, no words.) Rachel McAdams plays Paige, an artist who is stricken with amnesia after crashing through a car windshield. You guys, wait until you see the crash scene in the movie. Never has anyone made flying through shattered glass look so good. And she barely even had a scratch on her face. I mean, considering that they were rear-ended by a semi-truck, you would think she would have come out looking like Freddy Krueger. But no, there was barely a scratch on that angel face.

When she wakes up from her coma in the hospital, she mistakenly thinks her husband Leo, played by Mr. Channing Tatum, is her doctor. Heartbreak Hotel. Leo is really sad and sets out to get her to fall in love with him all over again. Although, you would never know that Leo is sad because Channing Tatum’s face never moves. There is a part where he cries and it was actually the funniest part of the movie for me. Watching him strain to produce one, single tear while listening to his Grey’s Anatomy-esque voice-over was gut-busting.

To make things more complicated, Paige’s parents enter the picture. She was estranged from them for several years before her accident, but they are all that she remembers so quickly runs back into their arms. Paige’s mom is played by Jessica Lange and she has the meatiest scene in the whole movie. This scene was the only scene that actually moved me to tears and I can’t wait for everyone to see it. Seriously, it alone makes the movie worth seeing in the theatre.

In order to explain Paige’s vacillating personality (from artsy-fartsy to lawyer prep), the film offers several scenes from her earlier life and, at every age, her hairstyle changes. This got me thinking about hair and how Rachel McAdams can seriously have any hairstyle on earth and still look good. She has like, some magically proportioned face that always looks good, no matter what. Throw anything at her: bangs, short, long, blonde, bob, brunette, pixie, red. Rachel McAdams is a magical creature! And I made a grid to prove my point.


Speaking of fartsy, just incase I should ever lose my memory, I would like to put it in writing that when my tragedy/love story gets made into a movie someday, I wouldn’t mind Rachel McAdams playing me. Or Jen Aniston. Or Chelsea Handler. Okay, let’s get real, Sarah Silverman.

P.S.

Remember when this was real life?


Sometimes I miss those days.

I recommend seeing this movie if: you are a hairstylist and you are doing research on people who can pull off any hair-do. Also, if you love sappy, slightly trite romance movies with stone-faced men, like me.

I wanna know: what did you think of The Vow? Who do you want to play you in your life movie? And what new movies are you dying to see?

All photos from here.

 

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