You’re thinking, Jill, you dropped something. One of, if not our biggest, director’s name. Some writers might’ve gone with showing Martin Scorsese a script, but I went the Spanx route. Here’s what Spanx aren’t: sexual. Spanx are perhaps the only item that, once involved in a moment, completely negate any name dropping because you’re likely making a (held in) ass of yourself by revealing them.
Show of hands, who’s flashed Spanx? Here’s why I did…. although I’d almost feel way more (held in) bad ass if I had zero reason and just flashed Spanx simply because I really liked Hugo. Alas, a paparazzi yelled a bunch of stuff to Scorsese outside of an event this past weekend, of which one shout was, “Mr. Scorsese, what do you think of the trend of wearing Spanx to the Oscars?”
A few of us were like, “THAT’S the question you’re going to ask him?!” Because I know if I was going to ask him a question up close and personal like that, it would likely be: “HOW THE HELL DID YOU MAKE GOODFELLAS?! IT IS PERFECT! CAN WE LIVE TOGETHER?!” But that’s just me, and what do I know? This particular paparazzi dude went the Spanx route. Marty did not know what Spanx were and didn’t really respond. Once inside the event, I said that I couldn’t believe that that was that guy’s question and he said, “What are Spanx, anyway?” I stood up in front of him (note: he was seated and I was wearing pants and was about to drop them, but thought better of it last minute) and I pulled my Spanx out of my pants and explained that they were just the newer/hipper girdle. He literally clapped his hands together because he laughed so hard. I’m not sure if I can get a development deal based on this, but I really feel like I should.
I’ve just read that the much-loved cupcake bakery, Sprinkles, is launching a Cupcake ATM that will be open 24/7. I’m gonna need a whole lot more Spanx. There’s going to be cupcake machine in LA! And get this, not only will it dispense fresh cupcakes (restocked throughout the day and night), but also cupcake mixes, apparel (which I assume is sweaters and great scarves for your cupcake) as well as cupcakes for your dog. I am high-fiving an invisible cupcake ATM while laying in my bed right now. I can only imagine what I’m going to be doing to that cupcake ATM the first time I race over there at 2:40am. Although, I imagine it won’t just be there at that hour. There will likely be a gaggle of us pre-menstrual, moody, emotional girls crying and rocking back and forth with our collective arms wrapped around this magical cupcake ATM as we whisper things (to the cupcake ATM) like: “Thank you, G-d”, “I never dreamed this day was possible” and “Do you also have tampons?”