I Should Not Be Reviewing Movies I Might Not Want To Have Kids And I Think I'm The Only One Ali Ashbaker

I have been looking forward to Friends With Kids coming out for a while now because Jennifer Westfield wrote, directed, produced and starred in it. That is so many verbs and I love supporting lady-filmmakers. Plus, all my best friends are in it. Maybe they don’t know they are my best friends, but they are. Seriously, Chris O’Dowd, Jon Hamm, Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph! It’s like a Bridesmaids reunion! Except, not. This movie runs on a very different comedy note than Bridesmaids does, but I still really liked it. In fact, it was one of those movies that really grew on me as it marinated in my brain-space during the next few days.

The story revolves around Julia (Jennifer Westfield) and Jason (Adam Scott), who are platonic besties who decide to have a baby together after watching their friends’ post-kid marriage dissolve. I can definitely relate in a major way to this story, especially ending up in far different places than your high school and college friends. The majority of my long-time friends are married and have kids. In the beginning, I always felt left-out. And then I felt like I wasn’t being a good friend because somehow, me feeling left-out equated to me not being happy for them, which wasn’t true at all. I wanted to tell them that even though I don’t have opinions about strollers, I still wanna be BFFs. But their lives became kid-centered, like they should when you have a baby.

The other day, one of my friends posted on her Facebook page that her baby keeps pooping in the tub. Do you know how seriously far away from that world I am? I mean, this girl was one of my BFFs in high school! How did we end up in such drastically different places? She has a family now and does grown-up stuff, like choose a pediatrician. Sometimes I look at my friends’ lives and I feel so jealous of them. I am fully aware that I chose the life I have, and the majority of the time I love my life. But there are definitely times when I get worried that all my big plans aren’t going to pan out like I anticipate. What if I’m doing it wrong?

In fact, and I feel a twinge of guilt even writing this statement, I don’t think I want to have kids. And sometimes I feel really bad about it. Shouldn’t I want to have kids? I am a woman, isn’t that what I was made for? I mean, I would never say never, and maybe I am just going through a career-focused time in my life. But I’m a pretty rational person and if this is a phase then it’s a long one, because I have felt this way for more than a hot minute. Am I alone? I seriously don’t know anyone else who doesn’t want kids.

Alas, don’t cry for me, internet, because this story has a happy ending. In Friends With Kids, Megan Fox plays MJ, a dancer/actress who doesn’t want kids. She plays the character that I relate to the most. This is big for me, because I never get to relate to ‘the hot one’.

You should see this movie if: you have kids. Or, if you don’t have kids.

I wanna know what did you think of Friends With Kids? Is there anyone else out there who maybe doesn’t want kids? And who is excited for The Hunger Games in two weeks?

 

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  1. I agree with you. The thought of having children terrifies me. I am so lazy!!! If I’m already too lazy to clean up after myself, what kind of mother would I be. However, I’m still not 100% sure, but I’m 24 and I have a few years left to decide. My mother is always prodding at me, but I don’t let that persuade me whatsoever. It is entirely up to you. It will be your responsibility. The world is already over populated, so good on you.

  2. At 31 I know I am way to selfish to have kids. I enjoy sleeping in way too much!

  3. I’ve never wanted kids either- me and my wife can’t stand them. I think babies look like little aliens. *shudder* Everyone thinks I’ll “change my mind one day”, but then I laugh when they complain about the cost of diapers and college funds while I’m planning a vacation to Tahoe. Suckers!

  4. First of all, you shouldn’t feel bad about it. I think people put way too much importance on the whole having/not having kids thing. If you want one great, and if not also great. I actually have the opposite problem. I am the only person in my group of friends who wants marriage/child, and for the longest time that made me feel bad, as though I wasn’t modern enough/doing something wrong. Now I’ve just come to peace with the fact that everyone is different, which means that most will want different things from me. So, there’s nothing to feel guilty about, just enjoy your differences and add to your friendships/life in your own way.

  5. Your not alone, there is too much I want to do in my life to bring a kid into my world. I am too selfish and I’m not afraid to admit it! Maybe that will change but I’m not counting on it.

  6. I have not seen the movie, but I do not want kids. I have been telling my parents that since I was 15 (I’m now 32) so if they thought it was a stage they were wrong. I still do not want kids. Don’t get me wrong, I actually love kids, I used to babysit lots when I was a teenager. I just never felt the need to have a child of my own – probably because it’s one heck of a big responsibilty and i’m not sure I could manage it, and also because I love my life – I’m free to do what I want, I can travel and not have to worry about what to do with a kid on holiday or just not going on holiday because it’s all too hard. Selfish? Maybe, but heck, there are enough people in this world already without me needing to produce another one.

  7. I feel the exact same way. I like children but I want to be able to have other priorities such as my career or even having fun without worrying about little people that will completely depend on me. Just like there are a bunch of reasons to have kids, there are a bunch of reasons to not have them. So just pick yours and don’t worry about it at all :)

  8. Oh, god, you know what I hate? When I tell someone I don’t want kids and they respond with something like “Oh, you don’t mean it.” or “You’ll change your mind.” or “Just wait….” or “Its different when they’re your own.” Yes, it is different when they are my own. I don’t get to look forward to them leaving eventually. They rely entirely on ME. They impede on my reading time. And my bed time. And my ME time. I love kids, I work with kids, and for some really odd reason kids always seem to LOVE me. My niece and nephew are my favorite two human beings on this planet, but, no, I don’t want my own. And I don’t feel like my life will be at all incomplete without them.

  9. Wow you guys! I seriously never knew. I feel like I got an internet hug! Thanks for sharing.

    Ali Ashbaker | 3/15/2012 05:03 pm
  10. I understand where you’re at. I love kids, but the idea of me mothering one is kind of a scary thought. I wonder if I’m better off being a mentor than a mother. Maybe I will change someday, but at 33, it’s eventually going to become a gamble.

  11. I love hearing I’m not the only one who seriously wonders about having kids. I feel like such an evil person every time I say it…but I’m just not into babies and toddlers and spending every penny on toys and a minivan. I just love my life and my husband the way we are…and I look at my friends who have kids and see their lives…and I am not envious at all. It comes off so self-centered, and everyone says it is just a phase…but I’m not so sure. My mom ironically said she was the same way…and literally had to have kids “by accident” to realize the blessing of children. I know she loves me and my sisters, but I’m still not convinced that she wouldn’t have rather stayed a career woman. So yeah…I can relate and I’m still confused.

  12. Kids are icky. Babies are ickier. Teenager are ok… but only the girl ones.

  13. I totally get it! I don’t want kids either at the moment – like you I never say never – but that bug just hasn’t hit me yet. To be honest I’m not sure it will especially when in the UK you have shows like one Born Every Minute. Wow that’s enough to put off anyone for life and make your eyes water. Don’t worry there is usually someone else in the world that thinks the same as you!

  14. There is no one “right or wrong” path to adulthood. Some choose careers, some choose families, some choose both. Some never marry, others marry 5 times. Some have kids and shouldn’t, some can’t have kids but desparately want them. Why should it matter to others what our individual choices are? Anyone who acts like your decision is a poor one 1) don’t know you well, or they’d respect your decision as a grounded, well-thought out one 2) have their own insecurities they’re projecting onto you 3) don’t realize how fullfilling life can be if we beat to the drum of our OWN path, rather than focusing on what everyone else does.

    Just because some consider it “normal” to want to have “4 in 4″ (old school gilmore girls shout out;)), it doesn’t mean others HAVE to have any. At the end of the day, the decision of whether or not to reproduce is yours. Anyone who says/thinks otherwise should focus on their own life choices, while you’re off enjoying yours!

  15. I totally get you! I get the weirdest looks when I say I don’t want to have kids. Someone hands me a baby and I have no idea what to do with the kid. I’m like, ok I’m holding you, now what? I tell people I am selfish and I like my life the way it is. (Mostly I love my uninterrupted sleep.) If i ever do have kids, I think I’d rather adopt a kid…grade school kid age.

  16. I’m only 20 so I’ve got a lot of time to change my mind, but I’ve never been maternal so far in my life. Too many big plans!

  17. I want to hug you, because I’m not sure about the kids thing either and I feel like the only one sometimes too! It’s scary because if you do have kids, it’s totally life-altering, but if you don’t have kids, you’re afraid you’ll regret it and you can’t really go back and change your mind. I figure I’ll wait and see if baby fever hits me (or my husband). It’s a big commitment, so I feel like you better be really excited about it if you’re going to do it. I’m resistant to doing anything just because it feels like it’s the next thing on the checklist.
    I’m looking forward to seeing “Friends With Kids”. Interesting topic and a great cast! I like that you referred to them as your best friends.

  18. I kind of feel the same as you. A lot of my friends, from high school especially, are married with kids and I’m at a completely different place. I wouldn’t say I’ve ever been jealous of them, but I wonder a lot how it happened. Everyone seems so grown up all of a sudden and I feel like I’m not. And yeah, I don’t want kids AT ALL. I never have. I like kids; I just don’t want my own. I don’t feel bad about it, but a lot of people really don’t seem to be able to comprehend it.

  19. You’re not the only one! I’m almost 34 and don’t want kids. I definitely want to get married but when I think about having kids, my brain goes, “Eh, I don’t know, I’m really tired…” I have the same suspicion as you: “Maybe this is a phase?” But if it is, I better hurry up and get over it, because I’ve only got a handful of spawnin’ years left. My greatest fear is realizing AFTER it’s too late to have kids that I wanted them after all.

  20. I love this. You are not alone. I do not want kids and yeah people look at me weird but I want to be the cool aunt that spoils her nieces and nephews and thats it. I want to work, I want to travel and I want to fall in love. I know it all sounds far fetched but honestly, I want to travel more than ever and thats not fair to a kid or when i want to be an actress and work like crazy. I think if anything I might have one at the most but it really depends who I end up marrying and a lot of other things but for the most part you ARE NOT alone.

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