I Get an ‘F' in Childhood Experiences Becca Sands

I know I’m supposed to be writing about Pittsburgh Fashion Week, which was super awesome, but my photos and business cards are back with my bestie, so that’ll just have to wait until next week.  Don’t give me that look, this isn’t the New York Times, okay?

A lot of my articles have been focused on me being an adult and the last week of my life has been too adult for my liking. Media passes, interviews, new jobs and a complete lack of silliness. I feel like I need to kick my maturity down with a viewing of Hot Tub Time Machine or something equally horrifying. It got me thinking about my childhood and all I missed out on.

If I was to give my childhood-self a grade, I’d give myself a solid B. B minus. Okay, a C plus. I was respectful, rule-abiding, silly, but severely lacking in a serious education. I fully blame my parents for this. They weren’t big on cartoons or “fad” items. Here’s where my education failed. And mom, dad, I know you’re reading this. You should feel guilty.

So. Guilty.

  • Boy Meets WorldNever saw a single episode. I don’t know if it was because I wasn’t allowed or we just weren’t into the TGIF lineup (was it on TGIF?), but I have never seen a minute of this show. You don’t need to yell at me, my friends do it all the time.
  • Carebears - Parents were 100% anti-Carebears. Instead, I spent my childhood camping with real bears in the Adirondack Mountains. I almost died once and that is not an exaggeration. Apparently, cuddly, colorful bears were more harmful to me than the real thing. My 6-year-old body was almost annihilated by a hungry momma bear. But that’s another story.
  • My Little PonyPretty much any toy that also had a cartoon was nixed on the spot. I don’t think I ever received any birthday gifts in that realm. Mom, did you write to all the other parents and make sure they didn’t buy me that stuff? Cause that’d be whack, Jack. Just kidding, my mom’s name isn’t Jack.
  • Anything On Ice - Disney on Ice was not even an option. Not that I was particularly interested, but if I had been? Puh-leeze.
  • The Circus - I was never taken to the circus. This is proof my parents hated me and wanted me to suffer. When all the other kids were going to the circus, I came to the realization that I was a mistake.
  • Mary Kate & Ashley Movies - Actually, I’m okay with missing out on this. Thanks, mom! <3
  • Disney World - Can we just take a second to mourn the fact that I am 24 and have never been to Disney World? Or Land? Or Town? Is there a Town? I think there should be. It’d be much smaller and everything would be way less expensive, and they would probably spell it Towne and would be based on Belle’s Village, and it’ll be amazing. Let’s make that happen. In my backyard.
  • 6,000 Beanie Babies - I had maybe ten. Maybe fifteen. Are any of them worth a billion dollars now? We’ll never know, because I’m pretty sure at some point my parents threw them into a fire while I was busy not visiting Disney World.
  • Pets - To be fair, I had a completely sweet fish tank in my room that was amazing. One time my fish even had babies. It was incredible. And I also had a hermit crab named Buster. My dad named him (I still don’t get the joke but he always laughed). But I never had a cat or dog or any pet that actually counts. My sister and I are allergic to cats, as if that’s some kind of excuse. And my dad’s allergic to dogs, but I’m pretty sure that was an elaborate hoax. I mean, he’s allergic to pine trees, but you didn’t see my mom saying no to the Fraser Fur every Christmas.

This is why I’m an insecure mess as an adult. Ignoring that my parents fed me, put a roof over my head, provided clothes, gave me music lessons and paid for my college, they were pretty crappy parents, right? I mean come on, Boy Meets World? And I don’t even have any interest in watching it now because I’m so over everyone yelling at me for that one, as if it was my choice. Mom, dad, you have forever made me an outcast in my generation. I will never know of Topanga or Cheer Bear or the $5,000 beanie baby or anything really important in life.I did have pogs, though. As if anyone could stop me from enjoying pogs.

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  1. Ahha, very nice! I never had a pet either. I think I had the McDonald’s beenie babies. I did however watch loads of Boy Meets World!! I did go to Disney World when I was 6 (don’t remember much except this big scary Alien interactive scare-thing). Also I went on a Disney Cruise when I was 13. So I’d give my childhood a B-. “B-???” you ask, “That sounds like a perfectly good childhood.” Well since I was a wee little child and all through high school my curfew was 5:00pm (unless I had a concert or was playing in a show). Therefore I had no friends, didn’t go to parties and watched a lot of Boy Meets World and other tv-shows.

  2. I feel like I was spoiled now… Only sort of though.. I watched Boy Meets World, and carebears, I had My Little Pony toys, I only ever had about one beanie baby though… from McDonalds… which we only ever went to never. I saw some Disney on Ice thing, but it was a fluke last minute my sister couldnt go so I was sent instead. Never went to Disneyland or the circus though :( OH… and I had pogs… and love my gameboy colour still :)

  3. *watched

  4. I never wached Boy Meets World either!! YAY! Also, Hot Tub Time Machine was an AWESOME MOVIE. Also, I love you.

  5. I earned an A+++++ in childhood but am failing at adulthood like you wouldn’t believe.

  6. I didn’t care about Boy Meets World or any of those live action shows. Didn’t get into MLP either, for some reason. I think I was more into the Nicktoons back then (my mom let me watch Ren And Stimpy, now that’s a parenting fail if there ever was one). Went to the circus in 1st grade as a class trip, saw Aladdin on Ice (hated it cause the seats were really high up and I was scared), I still have my 200 some Beanie Babies, still have one of my childhood cats, and I’ve been to Disneyland AND Disneyworld. Used to live in CA, y’see. But after the band trip in 12th grade I’m really turned off of the Disney-brand parks. It’s not fun to spend 12 hours in them.

  7. I would rate my childhood as a C+ . My parents let me start watching horror movies at the age of 4…which led to a childhood of writing “redrum” on the sidewalk with red chalk and playing such make believe games as “chucky” or “jason” or “freddy” with my sister. On the plus side i also got to see a lot of other more adult movies at a young age so it broadened my perspective, and my parents gave me adult books when i started to read so i had a college reading level in the 5ht grade. Luckily i did get to go to Disneyland and in the 3rd grade my parents created a circus in my yard for my birthday party…best birthday ever.

  8. The only thing you missed from Boys Meets World was…. “Feenay?! Fee-hee-heenay?!” :) Don’t worry, it’s probably all on youtube anyway!

  9. I’m pretty sure every thing that you listed on here is what made my childhood great, especially Boy Meets World. Actually, I STILL watch Boy Meets World every morning before I go to school and I am a 21 year old junior in college. This is because it is still teaching me lessons about life, that I somehow seem to forget even after watching the episodes five times before. The circus thing was a little overrated, especially now-a-days being an adult. You’re just looking at people and animals do tricks I’m sure we can see on “America’s Funniest Home Videos”. Mary Kate and Ashley were also not that great in itself but great to make fun of. I think these things were so great and are still great to think about that they were a part of my childhood because it’s nostalgia at its best with a lot of laughs along with it.

  10. Oh my gosh! I missed out on every single thing on your list, with the exception (thankfully) of Boy Meets World. I didn’t go to Disney until I was 18. I didn’t have one Care Bear, My Little Pony, or Beanie Baby growing up — not one. And you know what? I survived!

  11. So sad to realize how lacking my own childhood was in experiences. I did watch Boy Meets World–with my kids. I grew up watching only cartoons my dad would let us watch (Flintstones, Scooby). I am NOT old by any fashion. I made it to Disney–again with the kids but I want to go back. I long to be silly, I long to have some fun. I’m tired of being so responsible and just want to be the person I was meant to be. I was meant to explore, sing, act, dance and be unforgettable. I don’t know how though….

  12. Pretty much everything on that list loses its magnetic appeal once you turn 18 but Disney World is fun no matter what age. I have been there as a child but last fall I went with my mom and younger sister and though I can’t stand complaining kids (and believe me they are EVERYWHERE down there) this 20-something had a blast. I think it was mainly due to the fact that this was the first vacation I ever took that I felt I earned. As a care-free youngster I took family vacations for granted but not this one. I worked like a mad man last summer waiting tables, shamelessly whoring myself in order to get decent tips from rich douches in order to pay for my vacation. By the time the trip rolled around I was so ready to just sit back for a week and be waited on for once (and Disney is a pro when it comes to hospitality). So seriously start saving up and make a trip down to Orlando and see a magical place that is not just for kids but for grownups who have been bent over a barrel by life one too many times that crave to once again be a kid even if just for a short while. Plus, you will only be like 15 minutes from Islands of Adventure where a Potterhead like yourself can indulge in some butterbeer and walk through freaking Hogwarts itself (haven’t been yet but I heard it’s amazing so I’m currently whoring myself overtime in order to get there someday soon). Another great article my friend. Bravo, miss. Bravo.

  13. I failed at childhood too. Well, I did have some of these experiences (the only ones I didn’t really have were things on ice and pets, but I had some limited experience with them) but I just never really enjoyed things the way I should as a child. I thought too much and worried too much and was annoyed that no one treated me like an adult because clearly I thought I was one! I wasn’t allowed to watch certain things on TV (like some cartoons), but I usually wasn’t interested in them anyway because I wasn’t into cartoons; I preferred the Brady Bunch and Little House on the Prairie. I was an odd child! I try to make up for it now by being a kid at heart and enjoying all kinds of kids things as an adult….unless I can’t because of rules, but like why can’t I go in the bounce house?!

  14. Oh, and please follow this link: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buster_Crabbe.

  15. So glad to hear I’m not the only one that has never seen Boy Meets World. I’ve also never seen a minute of Saved by the Bell. I get yelled at a lot because of never having seen either of them.

  16. I just “Liked” this piece of incoherent drivel and I don’t know why.

  17. UPDATE, UPDATE, just got this text from my mom: “OK, I got my HG fix thsi morning and let’s just say I am OUTRAGED! Must I remind you once again how blessed you are to have me as your mommy? As for as Boy Meets World – never heard of it. You are such a brat. But this awful mommy still loves you, in spite of you.” You hear that, guys? She loves me in SPITE of me!!!! SO BLESSED!!!!!!!!

    Becca Sands | 10/08/2011 07:10 am
  18. Part of me is glad I watched the Mary Kate and Ashley movies, otherwise I wouldn’t have my supreme talent of telling them apart. Although I could be using that brain space to remember valuable adult things like, say, locking my car doors…

  19. I THINK I HAD YOUR CHILDHOOD. :(

  20. Come to California. We are going to Disneyland. I’m not kidding, girl. We are going to Disneyland when you come out here. Yes? Yes. And you’re getting ears. That’s right! You’re getting the mickey mouse ears hat!

    END OF DISCUSSION!

    • Unless your Disneyland is anywhere near Wizarding World of Harry Potter, I am not even CLOSE to being down with this plan.

      Becca Sands | 10/08/2011 08:10 am
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