I Fly Solo & I Love It
by Charlotte Townsend
So most women – as they’re portrayed in media, anyway – are obsessed with the need to have someone to fall back on. If she is single, she is desperate for a man; If she has no friends at school, she is desperate to be in the “it” clique. People like me are not usually exhibited in films or television shows. Am I the exception? Am I the only person in the world that likes to be alone sometimes? I grew up an only child with divorced parents. At the age of 8, my mom started paying me to “babysit myself” in order to not deal with the “hassle” of calling a real babysitter, so being alone has been pretty normal for me my whole life. Now, as an adult, I go to dinner alone, with no book, no magazine, no distraction and I love it; There is no forced conversation or awkward pauses. I go to the movies alone and I love it; There is 100 percent concentration on the film, no wondering “Oh, I hope they don’t hate my movie choice” or “When the #$*& is he going to hold my hand?!”
Sometimes, though, it is awkward going out in public solo. Personally, I prefer it, but I hate all of the odd glances and wrinkled eyebrows. YES! I said a table for one, please get the blank over it! Why does it always have to be such a big deal?! There is this one really good sushi place in LA called Sushi Dan and when I lived in LA, I would go there every single school night for dinner (true story). The first week or so, all of the employees would look at me funny for sitting at the sushi bar alone while I was surrounded by couples and groups of friends, but after some time passed, it wasn’t a big deal anymore! The sushi chef’s even started to prepare my order without me ordering. (Yeah, I got the same thing every night okay?—Spicy Tuna on Crispy Rice & a water with no ice—Okay, maybe it is a little embarrassing that the chef knew my order by heart but it was delicious, okay!) Nevertheless, being alone at dinner gave me time to think about and process my day.
Alone time is something to be valued—not dismayed. So why is it that alone time is always viewed as a negative? “Ohh, you’re staying home on Saturday night? Wow! You are such a loser.” Who gives a flying piece o’ $^!+?! I’m not saying that you should become an anti-social weirdo, I’m just saying that if you like to forgo a lame party to stay home and actually watch SNL “L”, then you should not feel condemned. It’s nice not having to change out of the comfy sweats into shoes that make your feet feel like they’re about to snap in half.
So if you’re the girl in high school who doesn’t have many girl friends (like I was) or the girl in college who has yet to go to a college party (like I am) or if you’re that woman that stays at home on weekends to do crafts (like I will probably be), do not feel bad. Don’t feel pressured to go out if you’re not in the mood. You are not alone. I fly solo more often than not and I love it! Do you?
Featured image by Charlotte Townsend
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01.07.2012 |
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Love this article.
I love alone time! It’s tiring to always look out-on-the-town nice and make conversation and just be social haha. I go to a community college and live at home, so I don’t really get chances to go to parties, but even when I visit my friend at her school I would rather stay in than party. I’ve yet to go out to a meal by myself (the weird glances make me uncomfortable), but you’re right. There’s nothing wrong with it!
I totally get what you mean! I go to university and haven’t been to a party and when I visit my friends at their schools all they want to do is “go out” and its such a headache. I mean come on whats more fun than snuggling in bed to an all night “Friends” Marathon?!
love this! empowering. oh and I love Sushi Dan too hahaha.
Isn’t it just the best?!
I am a married, mama of 3…that being said..I DESPERATELY want alone time sometimes! haha. My next plan for when I hire the babysitter (last time was grocery shopping and pedi/mani)…go see a movie!! alone! or just go sit and have coffee or even go eat a meal without interuption!! I say props to you! I love being married and havinga family..but it has sure made me appreciate any time I get to myself with just me, myself and I. Great article
Thank you! Yes it’s always nice to have alone time, but it’s also nice to have a loving family to go back to. You are lucky!
love this article I can really relate. I much prefer to stay home and be by myself. eating alone is really an amazing experience that I have yet to try outside my house….got do it sometime soon though…
Yes you do! Movies alone are my fav, you should try that too
So tru. Thank u so much for writing. I do it all the time too and love it!!! I travel solo all the time too. Just came back from Puerto Rico for 9 days by myself! It is just great!
Traveling alone is the best! When I was 16 I went on a month trip all by myself and it was probably the best experience I have ever had.
1 is the new 2
I laughed so hard at this. Yes, yes it is.
This is such a breath of fresh air! I love being alone, more so than being with people. A number of my friends can’t seem to fathom the idea that I might enjoy spending most weekends indoors watching a movie or playing computer games – and yes, I’ve been called “lame” or a “loser” on more than one occasion but I’d still trade a drunken night out for a movie on my own any day! Thanks for this article, it really made me smile! (:
Glad to make you smile
And yes I totally agree with you! Movie nights are so much more fun that drunken ones, for one you can remember it the next day and two an Icee tastes much better than anything that can get you drunk!
Thank you for writing this! Seriously! Some people don’t understand how or why I like to do most things by myself. The biggest thing I like to do alone is shop. No going to stores I don’t want to go to, no one to influence my purchasing decisions & I can leave whenever I damn well please. And often times…I don’t want to talk to anyone. I hate feeling pressured to start or keep a conversation. Awesome article!
Shopping with people is always so awkward! I can never figure out if you’re suppose to follow them around the store or go off by yourself or what. So awkward!
Hell yeah, lady! I live alone. I go to the movies alone. And, sometimes, I’ll eat alone! I love it. I mean, I don’t ALWAYS want to be alone, but the times that I do, those are special. I need Me Time! This is awesome!
I’m glad you liked it!
I too am an only child of divorced parents and I feel exactly the same way. Sometimes people don’t understand my annoyance of clingy friends. You’re aren’t alone in wanting to be alone. We are out there but let’s face it most movies and sitcoms require alot of human interaction to provide the drama necessary to entertain the “average” viewer.
That is so interesting! I never thought of it that way, but it makes total sense.
THANK YOU! Finally someone who dares saying it
THANK YOU for reading it
great post. There is nothing wrong with flying solo, no drama; unless its with yourself.
thanks!
AMEN! i so agree. I loveee my alone time so much. i dont really go the movies alone but ill go to a coffeeshop or starbucks by myself and bring my laptop and my headphones or a book and just relaz. i love independent people
now i need to get a little more gutsy to go see movies alone. haha.
Get up the courage to go! I think you’ll really enjoy it!
Great article! I am the same way though I am the youngest of four and even my own family doesn’t understand that I like being alone sometimes. I’ve gone to restaurants, bars, movies, baseball games, concerts and even traveled by myself and really enjoyed it. I think everyone should experience this even if you get those looks because it’s totally worth it
You are so right! Xo
The curse of being an introvert. Most people in society are extroverts so introverts are seen as “abnormal.” I go to plays by myself, stay in on weekends to read and enjoy dining by myself. It’s not that I don’t also enjoy hanging out with people, but I’m comfortable hanging just with me.
Hooray for introverts!
I’m an only child too who had working parents, so maybe that is what causes this, but I like being alone too. I’ve only eaten in a restaurant alone maybe once or twice, but both times I enjoyed it – I even got waited on extra special one of those times. Maybe it was because the waiter felt sorry for me, but who cares? I got great service! I’m also looking forward to living alone soon. The only annoying thing is feeling pressured to not do this.
Exactly, always look on the bright side!
Hi is nice to be alone sometimes. I really enjoy hanging out with friends, but I also like spend time on my own. The real problem starts when someone can stand be on their own
Very true.
I totally agree, I enjoyed my alone time more ever since I started University… And after 8 years of living with my sister I now live alone and enjoy it so much. I do spend time with friends on the weekends, at least for one night, so it represents 1/7 of the whole week, so I’m not completely antisocial, although I still get weird looks because I’m the only one who leaves at 1 am… by choice. It’s weird for them, but it’s almost always around the time I really wanto to get home, put on me pj’s, watch SNL late at night and maybe even read for a little while. So, I agree, alone time is the best!!
You sound so much like me! I know, I’m so similar, I can never figure out why someone would think 1 am is early! And there is nothing better than coming home and snuggling up in bed with some SNL on the DVR!
I love doing all of those things! I never knew eating out alone was weird until my second college roommate made a frowny face and said that sounded sad…umm girlfriend its AMAHZING. You can order whatever and as much as you want, take your sweet time eating it, and catch up on your twitter feed, winner winner chicken dinner. Literally, if you are in fact eating chicken. I’ve always been the type of girl to have a couple super close girlfriends and not a gaggle of ladies around me every time I go out, and its so true how the world can make you feel “uncool” just because you have one bestie and not twenty. But I say it’s quality not quantity, and until then it’s doing embroidery on Friday nights and skyping my long distance bestie for me.
that is so funny! my childhood best friend and I long distance Skype all the time too! Quality bestie time is a must (even if its through video chat)!
Amen to this article. Me in a nutshell.
Glad you liked it!
I am in 8th grade and I have no friends my age. All my friends are 30+ and go to my church, but I don’t care I sit at the end of the table and girls ask, “Do you wanna scoot down.” ” No.” ” Wait you really don’t?” ” No I don’t.”
I have very few friend my age too! Less than a dozen. To each their own.
Amen! I love my alone time and there’s something nice about knowing you don’t need someone to hold your hand 24/7. It’s not that I don’t like my friends or going out with others, but it’s good to know that you don’t need to be around someone else to enjoy a good meal or to have a good night.
Very true
Totally with you on this, 100%. I love me-time and being by myself, at restaurants, movies, concerts, what have you. I especially like shopping on my own, because I trust my instincts enough to know that “no, that doesn’t make me look fat” and “yes, I LOOK GREAT BUY IT!”. I try to explain the wonders of being on your own to my friends but they are not having it… Oh well.
I agree with you! Shopping alone is much better, sometimes it can really get tiresome having to ask for someone else’s opinion the whole time (Or not so much asking, but having to listen to their opinion withOUT asking!). Xo
I’m with you! I was popular in grade school, high school, and beyond. I always had plans, tons of friends, and tons of stories to tell. Now I’m 27 years old and for the past 5 years or so I’m just not in the mood for it anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I do still have tons of friends.. but I just choose not to go out much. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3yrs and was worried that I would be, like you said, a loser. But you know what? I finally have real me time. I have no problem staying in on a Friday (and Saturday) night organizing my closet or blogging. I actually prefer it!
http://www.shoesandjules.com
Oh my gosh closet organizing is the best, but it can get very over whelming sometimes (especially when I decide to color coordinate)!
I’ve always been extremely social, but at the same time I really like just being by myself. It might come partially from spending countless summer days living in the middle of nowhere, but I really prefer just chilli’ on the lawn or reading to going out with huge groups of people. One of the biggest things that throws people off it that I don’t plan on being married, and frankly I think I’d prefer not to. My friends, on the other hand, are the types of girls who’ve been dreaming about the perfect husband for years. I love ‘em to pieces, but they need to realize that being alone is fine, too.
Very true! Being alone is completely fine! And I don’t think that it comes from living in the middle of nowhere because I grew up between LA and SF and now I live in NYC and I like to stay home all the same! It’s so great to read that you are so content with yourself, one day people will learn (hopefully) they don’t need a significant other to be happy!
This is such an amazing post. Thank for putting this into words and make it clear, concise, and to the point. It’s about owning who you are and not fulfilling the pressures of always having to be out and doing things. Alone time is just as good : )
Thank you! I’m glad you liked it!
I’m a frequent flyer of solo activities so thank YOU! Also an only child and honestly when I don’t have a solid block of alone time each week, I get kinda grumpy. I love my time spent at home watching hours of Liz Lemon (also a kick-ass loner) with my pup curled up next to me with zero interruptions.
Gotta love Liz Lemon
This is basically me. I have had friends and acquaintances but I much prefer to do things on my own most of the time. That means I don’t have to take anyone else’s preferences into account, I can do what I want, when I want, etc. I ESPECIALLY love traveling alone and most people I know think I’m crazy for doing that. I love the freedom to do as I please and not have to waste half the day every day deciding where the heck to go. No, thanks! I go to to diner alone, to the movies alone, etc and I’m so tired of getting the stink eye from strangers. That said, I do have a son so I’m not always alone.
Yeah traveling alone is the best! Maybe I’ll write a post about it!
Traveling alone is the only way to travel. You haven’t traveled until you’ve been in a foreign country on your own and are left entirely to your own devices, it’s the best! And you’re right, people just don’t get it. I can’t count the number of times people have told me I should ‘do a Contiki tour’ so I can be with other people my age. A Contiki tour? Oh hell nooooo.
By the way, you guys should read The Loner’s Manifesto!
Thanks for the recommendation!
Going to the movies alone = the best thing everrr. People get so sad when I mention I enjoy it, though. They look at me like, “Aww, little trooper!” with a pouty lip. I’m now through college without having gone to a party and, hmm, that’s weird, I don’t regret it because I did stuff I enjoyed. My time is valuable, and I prefer to spend it with the people I like, and I like ME.
I can go either way. I’m more then content in my own skin and on my own time.. But I don’t mind having a guy around either.. as long as I can still do my own thing.. Because I’m not an extension of him, nor is he an extension of me.. I am currently single and have been for a bit and quite happy about it.. I go to movies when I want.. I stop at Starbucks TWICE if i want (..not often.. it’s expensive) but i do what I want when I want to without anyone telling me that my movie choice sucked, I drink too much coffee, and do I really need another cookie??
I love what you wrote and how you wrote it. I could not have put it better myself.
Thank you!
It is hard hard to come to terms with the fact that you are, well? RIGHT! I’m in University and just realizing the benefits of being alone.
I have been blessed with great friends and family and I cherish their company, but I totally love my ” me time”. used to enjoy coffee, breakfast and newspaper in the mornings when I lived by myself, I’ve been out to dinner by myself umpteen times,and gone to the movies by myself, and love walks alone as much as I do when I’m with friends. Solitude is different from feeling lonely and I enjoy solitude:)
This makes me laugh because I feel the same way sometimes too! I’m an only child of divorced parents, and while I do love my friends and hanging out with them, I enjoy my “me” time so much. I’d rather stay in and watch movies than be out drinking and partying (although that is fun in a small group
). I prefer small groups or hanging out with one other person when I am not alone. I go to the movies on my college campus alone, too. I always thought something was wrong with me because I am quiet and I feel awkward in large groups, but I think I’m just introverted. Other people are really exhausting sometimes! It’s so much easier doing things and making decisions on my own without everyone else’s chatter buzzing in my ears.
Amen sista! Although blessed with great friends and family I prefer alone time 75% of the time. This does lead to accusations of being depressed but I am so happy with my life and being my own source of entertainment. Let’s have an SNL watch party….no talking to each other aloud.
You have becoming one of my fave in Hellogiggles.com. Great articles here. I too loves to do lotsa of ALONE things.