Teaspoon of Happy
I Don’t Know
by Sarah May Bates
And that’s okay. When you’re stuck in a place where you wish you knew the answer to something: whether or not to stay in a relationship, who was right or wrong in a conflict, what someone meant by something they said, whether or not you were right or wrong in something or whatever other emotional questions you might face, it’s easy to get stuck and feel like you can’t make a decision. The thinking, rethinking, analyzing and replaying. Your brain, despite being an excellent computer, is actually formed by all the experiences, including the bumps and bruises of your life. It’s also not all of you. It can drown out and conflict with the other senses you have. Many of the answers we seek cannot be solved, they can only be known. And that knowledge comes in its own time. It cannot be rushed. You can’t will yourself to know something until you truly know it and with matters of the heart, the truth lies only in how you feel. It is your truth, which must be arrived upon when your emotions settle, like leaves and dust taken by the wind.
“What will happen, how do I navigate this? What am I going to do? Is this right? Is he right? She right?” When something is causing you to feel ambivalent and upset and you’ve become obsessed to the point that you can’t stop debating and solving it in your mind, this is a sure-fire sign that you need to stop. Take a step back. The answer isn’t fully baked yet. Your “self” and not your brain alone is the only thing that can divine the real and correct answer, and then you can devise a plan of action. By “self” I mean every sense you have in your being: your gut, plus the time needed for true reflective thought. Just know that you will know when you are ready to know, and only then can you begin to take action based on that knowledge.
When you think about the friends you have that you’ve given advice to, who are stuck in a terrible relationship or a job they’re unhappy in, and you desperately give them the answer that is so plainly in front of them, and yet they cannot take it, this is why. Your whole being has to arrive at a decision together. It takes being honest with yourself and really feeling what you want to the point that you just know it. It will just be.
Before you get to a decision, don’t try and force yourself to arrive at it prematurely. If you know you should do something but you simply can’t do it, it’s because there’s a part of you that’s not ready yet. You’re not fully sure. If you force action, what will happen is you betray a part of yourself. Forgive yourself, be nice to yourself, don’t punish yourself for not knowing it sooner and let it be. When you have the answer, you will act on it. Just keep being honest with yourself and don’t betray your own trust. I constantly check myself to see if I am honest with myself, trying to ignore something that I know is fact, because when you wish something was another way. It’s what many of us do.
Sometimes the truth we know somewhere deep down is one that we wish wasn’t true and that in itself is the source of our conflict. “But I can’t let go, but it can’t be wrong, but we can’t change that…” You just can’t imagine what some part of you knows is true.
What lies on the other side of accepting the truth, and moving past it despite that we want it not to be so, is something much better that we wouldn’t know existed until we overcame that attachment. We cannot force what is not meant to be, because we betray ourselves in the process. When we can accept what we know we must do for our own best interests, we are able to see what we passed in retrospect, and see in contrast to that what we can have instead.
If you’re stuck in “I don’t know”, don’t worry about figuring it out. You’ll get there when you’re ready, and if your aspiration is always to do what is in your own best interest regardless of what that truth is, then you will make the right decision. I believe all of us will get where we are meant to go if we just rely on that to navigate our paths. If you keep walking past the things that hurt you, you walk toward what rewards you. And when you get there, you never could imagine you could have something so great.
Happy, happy new year and a happy, happy Sunday. xox Sarah
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01.08.2012 |
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Helpful words of encouragement. <3
Thanks April
I’ve never thought it like that before, and, as a Virgo, I’m as superanalysing a person as it gets! You are right, though. It takes time. And not freaking out! I’ll keep that in mind next time! xx: )
Totally, harder to actually enact, especially with big things. But well worth the relief it gives
x
Exactly what I needed today…thank you!
YAY! so glad
Love. Love. Love.
I always tell people if they wonder why they haven’t done something, even though they know they should, that they just aren’t ready. They’ll do it when they’re ready. Sometimes, it frustrates me, but I just have to understand everyone does their own thing in their own time. Fine words, as always, Sarah!
Thank you Liz! I hear you, it’s tough esp when you know they’re in pain. Thanks for your comment xo
This is exactly what i needed. Im going through a tough time and this relates to my life so much right now.
That makes me VERY happy. Thanks Kim !
I can’t even describe how helpful this is. I’ve been stuck in “i don’t know” for months now. Broke up with my boyfriend of 6yrs back in October and now he wants to do counseling to try and make it all work. I love him and part of me wants to try…but I can’t seem to shake this other part pulling me away from him. Soooo glad I read this. I just have to be patient with myself and not feel rushed to make a decision.
Thank you Annie – I am so glad to hear that! I know how you feel. Just remember there’s no right answer except the one you decide on, when you can decide on it. (I always feel like I should get to a decision faster when it’s related to another person – but there’s just no way to fix that) Anyhoo, thanks for your comment
I love HelloGiggles. There is always at least one article that speaks to me about the moment I’m in, and this one speaks very clearly. I needed this so much today. Thank you.
That really did make my day. Thanks Robyn!!!
ahh just what i needed to hear. never thought of it like that.. fantastic words!
Thank you Julia!!
Rumination is the worst. I use way too many “what ifs” and then paralyze myself and can’t make a decision. You’re so right; we need to trust our instincts. Every time I’ve made a decision too quickly or that has gone against how I feel, it has turned out badly. I’m so impatient, so letting things be is so hard. I’m getting better at it, though! Thanks for another awesome post, Sarah. Happy Sunday to you, too!
Me too Elisabeth, I had to remember that feeling to help myself stop doing it! Thanks for your (always awesome) comment
xo
You make my Sunday mornings Sarah, thank you! Happy Sunday!
Thanks for saying that Sophia! That makes me feel pretty great.
x
Helpful advice when I definitely needed to hear it!
Yay! Thanks Traci
Absolutely Sarah, right on! When I get stuck I have to realize that time WILL go on, and dreaded events WILL pass by and things WILL be resolved one way or another. It’s almost as if we feel when we’re stuck that time stands still and there will never be a solution/ending. So I focus on the positive and let time run it’s course.
and in the end I find my happiness.
You sound like a pretty healthy gal. Too true! Thanks Ashley
Thank you for this. You’ve no idea how much I needed this.
I don’t know how to make a happy face like the one on my face, but thanks Keeley, very glad to hear that.
Very well said. I’ve been unemployed for almost a year with no luck and I’m just at that point with so many things right now. <3
I wish you good luck and good thoughts, thank you for your comment Maggy
xo
Just what I needed to hear! I just lost my mom very suddenly 5 months ago and been trying to analyze it every single day since. Virgo’s have a tendency to do that. Nothing has ever been more difficult.
That MUST be true – you’re one of two Virgos that said that! I am sorry to hear about your mom. That’s very tough. I hope you can feel some relief, at least a bit more, if even for today. Thank you for your comment xoxo
Thanks a LOT for this. I’ve been stuck for a while and I can’t seem to arrive to any conclusions, but I know I’ll eventually get where I should be. xoxo
I am very glad that it helped
Thanks Patricia
Thanks for this. My wife of five years and I are separated and there is this pressure to know which direction we are headed in but neither of us know. It is reassuring to hear a point of view that says it is okay to admit that we don’t know. Thanks!
I’m sorry to hear that Sean.. but i’m glad to hear you felt some relief, thank you for your comment x
this is a good one! we can over-analyze things to death, can’t we…
Ha! Hey there Jen, you said it
I always make time to read your articles, your topics are always spot on with my own struggles. Thank you so much for helping me be honest with myself about important issues. You’re a positive inspiration!
Thanks Kaitlyn – You make it worth-while to write !!! xoxo
THANK YOU SARAH!!I don’t know how but you manage to make me see a little more light week after week and everytime talking about what has been troubling me the most. Hope you had a lovely Sunday, you made mine so much better!
Thank you Silvia ! You always make mine better too
xoxoxo
This is what I needed today. Thank you Sarah! You make sundays awesome ♥
Hehe, thanks MJ
Great read as always! Thanks Sarah!
Thanks girl
!!
This is great- I will definitely save this for future reminding. Thanks for the words of wisdom and emotional camaraderie!
Thanks Casey
That makes me happy!!
This is why I love this website so much. Reading the article helps and reading the comments helps just as much. Makes me feel I’m not alone.
So True!
Totally Cici – that’s my fave part of my Sundays! It makes me feel connected to everyone in such an awesome way. Thanks for your comment
This was troubling me last night. Thank you Sarah May Bates(!) This is exactly what I needed to hear today!
Thanks Veronica. I’m glad it helped!! xo
This is beautifully written. I’ve had some challenges recently come up in my life, and this past week I was seeking too many answers to questions I shouldn’t even worry about yet. I really needed this encouragement right now, thank you.
Yay! So glad Jaclyn
x
You know when you’re in search of a good read and you came across an article like this. You never know what you’re getting in a day, But I know for sure I’m thankful to have read these words. Just exactly what I need and when i needed it. Muchas Gracias. x
You write the best articles! I can actually relate to them and they are a pleasure to read. You are awesome!