And that’s okay. When you’re stuck in a place where you wish you knew the answer to something: whether or not to stay in a relationship, who was right or wrong in a conflict, what someone meant by something they said, whether or not you were right or wrong in something or whatever other emotional questions you might face, it’s easy to get stuck and feel like you can’t make a decision. The thinking, rethinking, analyzing and replaying. Your brain, despite being an excellent computer, is actually formed by all the experiences, including the bumps and bruises of your life. It’s also not all of you. It can drown out and conflict with the other senses you have. Many of the answers we seek cannot be solved, they can only be known. And that knowledge comes in its own time. It cannot be rushed. You can’t will yourself to know something until you truly know it and with matters of the heart, the truth lies only in how you feel. It is your truth, which must be arrived upon when your emotions settle, like leaves and dust taken by the wind.
“What will happen, how do I navigate this? What am I going to do? Is this right? Is he right? She right?” When something is causing you to feel ambivalent and upset and you’ve become obsessed to the point that you can’t stop debating and solving it in your mind, this is a sure-fire sign that you need to stop. Take a step back. The answer isn’t fully baked yet. Your “self” and not your brain alone is the only thing that can divine the real and correct answer, and then you can devise a plan of action. By “self” I mean every sense you have in your being: your gut, plus the time needed for true reflective thought. Just know that you will know when you are ready to know, and only then can you begin to take action based on that knowledge.
When you think about the friends you have that you’ve given advice to, who are stuck in a terrible relationship or a job they’re unhappy in, and you desperately give them the answer that is so plainly in front of them, and yet they cannot take it, this is why. Your whole being has to arrive at a decision together. It takes being honest with yourself and really feeling what you want to the point that you just know it. It will just be.
Before you get to a decision, don’t try and force yourself to arrive at it prematurely. If you know you should do something but you simply can’t do it, it’s because there’s a part of you that’s not ready yet. You’re not fully sure. If you force action, what will happen is you betray a part of yourself. Forgive yourself, be nice to yourself, don’t punish yourself for not knowing it sooner and let it be. When you have the answer, you will act on it. Just keep being honest with yourself and don’t betray your own trust. I constantly check myself to see if I am honest with myself, trying to ignore something that I know is fact, because when you wish something was another way. It’s what many of us do.
Sometimes the truth we know somewhere deep down is one that we wish wasn’t true and that in itself is the source of our conflict. “But I can’t let go, but it can’t be wrong, but we can’t change that…” You just can’t imagine what some part of you knows is true.
What lies on the other side of accepting the truth, and moving past it despite that we want it not to be so, is something much better that we wouldn’t know existed until we overcame that attachment. We cannot force what is not meant to be, because we betray ourselves in the process. When we can accept what we know we must do for our own best interests, we are able to see what we passed in retrospect, and see in contrast to that what we can have instead.
If you’re stuck in “I don’t know”, don’t worry about figuring it out. You’ll get there when you’re ready, and if your aspiration is always to do what is in your own best interest regardless of what that truth is, then you will make the right decision. I believe all of us will get where we are meant to go if we just rely on that to navigate our paths. If you keep walking past the things that hurt you, you walk toward what rewards you. And when you get there, you never could imagine you could have something so great.
Happy, happy new year and a happy, happy Sunday. xox Sarah