Lies I Tell My Daughter "I Don't Feel This Way, But My Magazine Says It's Time For You To Go Home"
Julia Obst

I realize that ten years from now, I will undoubtedly hear the words, “Mom, you’re embarrassing me!” But for now, my daughter Sunny does most of the embarrassing in my family.

I would like to share with you some of the things she has done recently to embarrass me.

First of all, when she falls, she says things out loud in public like: “I’m okay, daddy hits me way harder than that.” In actuality, this is Sunny referring to the play fights she has with her daddy. One could easily misconstrue these comments as child abuse.

A policeman pulled me over yesterday and I was frantically looking for my driver’s license when Sunny grabbed my purse and pulled out a tampon and asked, “Is this what you’re looking for?” while waving it out the window in front of the officer’s face.

Recently, an out of town family friend named Matt came into town to stay with us for one night. We had a lovely dinner, he brought the girls presents and we sat around playing with Sunny and her sister. We started a game of Tic Tac Toe. It was Sunny’s first time playing it. She was excited that our friend introduced this game to her but she wasn’t loving the fact that she wasn’t winning every single game. I could see her getting really frustrated. “’Sunny, calm down, it’s just Tic Tac Toe, you’ll learn how to beat the game, you just need practice,” I said. I watched her walk into my room and I heard some rustling of papers. Sunny walked back into the living room cool as a cucumber and slyly looked at our guest. She sat down on the couch next to him as she slowly thumbed through my US Weekly.  She took a look at Matt and said, “So listen, I love you and I totally don’t feel this way… but, this magazine say’s it’s time for you to go home. So, if you need help, I’m happy to help you pack.”

Last weekend I went to a baby shower for a very well known LA designer. Her home is one of the most beautiful homes I’ve ever seen. I took Sunny with me, as I knew there would be a few other children there. Sunny had to use the ladies room so I told her to call for me if she needed any help.  She ended up calling my name and when I walked into the bathroom, I thought I was going to die. She pooped into a bidet and couldn’t figure out how to flush it as she thought it was a toilet.

Seriously, I can’t wait until she’s older and I can get back at her!

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  1. You are soooo cool! I LOVE all your posts! More please!!

  2. I had a SUPER embarrassing tampon/policeman incident! I used to work with at-risk youth with severe mental illnesses and I got pulled over while driving a kid to an appointment. I was so worried that the cop would trigger a violent episode with the kid… but, it actually got me out of a ticket! As I was searching for my info he reached into my open glovebox and grabbed a tampon (my emergency stash) and started smelling it, tossing it between his hands, and asking what it was. I was speechless and the cop was laughing so hard he just walked away…. he barely got out a “have a nice day ma’am” before he was gone :)

  3. she is now 5:) she’s going to be cool, hopefully not too cool!

  4. I’ve read a lot of the stuff that you’ve written about your daughter, and I think she’s absolutely hilarious! How old is she, now? I forgot. The things you say that she does just cracks me up! She’s gonna grow up to be one VERY cool lady! She has so much character!

  5. LOL