I Can't Deal with the Diva Cup

The Diva Cup is by all means an amazing product. It’s reusable so it makes less of a negative impact on the environment than pads or tampon. It’s made of latex-free, plastic-free, BPA-free, dye-free, additive-free all-of-the-bad-things-free silicon instead of a bleached rayon or cotton-blend a la tampons. It holds an entire ounce of liquid as opposed to tampons, which only absorb 6 to 18 grams, depending on which size you have purchased. You can wear a Diva Cup for up to 12 hours without risk, whereas tampons threaten you with death and violence via TSS if you dare to exceed 8 hours of continuous use.

Look at those wonderful, amazing specs! Simply astounding! To buy a Diva Cup is a no-brainer! It’s like comparing an iPhone with a cracked Nokia from 1998. Why, if I had a Diva Cup I would surely evolve into one of those women who ride horses bareback on my heaviest flow days! I would suddenly become amazing at clearing hurdles on tracks in the midst of my period, despite never having even tried to clear a hurdle in my life! I would smile broadly all of the time and never once skip out on plans because I want to watch Netflix Instant in my sweatpants instead of encountering the probability of having to change my tampon in a public restroom.

Yes, dear readers, the Diva Cup was sure to change my life around. Which is why I bought one in a moment of what I thought was clarity, but turned out to actually be a moment of complete and utter delusion of clarity.

The Diva Cup has yet to arrive at my house and I am already planning on sending it back.

Yes, it’s nice that the Cup cuts down on negative environmental impact. And how great is it to save all of that money? Surely my vagina is worth something healthier than bleached rayon. But the real reason I bought the Diva Cup? It’s because I can’t handle most bodily functions. Just like I try to mentally remove myself from all bathroom responsibilities as much as possible, I want a way to have my period without acknowledging that I actually have my period. In my stupor, I mistakenly thought that if the product in question only needed to be changed twice in a 24 hour day, then that’s the product for me!

The next morning I woke up, and the realization of the true nature of the product slowly dawned on me: Those two “changes” a day, would not be changes. They would be… dumpings. Twice a day, I would need to dump a cup — nay, a chalice full of menstrual blood into a toilet. Does the horror end there? No, because then I would need to rinse it out in a sink.

Upon posting my decision to my blog (because no decision counts if you don’t blog about it), I received some really funny comments about the Diva Cup:

“Try not to think of it as menstrual blood, but as a uterine lining.” (She just made dealing with periods even worse for me.)

“This girl I know is allergic to tampons and has to wear Diva Cups and says they like, suction cup onto your pubic bone and then suck your soul out of you or something? I don’t know, she really likes them I guess. Not my cup of tea.” (I like my soul! I don’t want it to leave me through my pelvic area!)

” The girls on the website did NOT look like girls I want to talk about my ladytime with. Pass.”

“I believe you empty it in the shower? Not sure that makes it any better though.” (It doesn’t. It makes it worse.)

“I love my Diva Cup but also I am fascinated/obsessed with my period, so there’s that.”

“IT RULES! Best decision I ever made regarding my vagina, hands down.”

I can’t. I just can’t. And if you can, then I am so proud of you.

I’m sorry, environment. I’m sorry, debit card. I’m sorry, vagina. I’m sticking with tampons.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mara.n.lopez Mara Nohemi Lopez

    This rocks. Candid vuh jay jay convo… I feel you girl! I hate that they call it the Diva Cup. I love the word Diva and I love cups! Now I view those two things in a whole other way….damnit!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505444444 Liz Shepherd

    In the UK they call it a Moon Cup, also not sure that makes it any more appealing, definitely working the slightly hippy vibe though!! I can’t stand the thought of it to be honest, just thinking about fishing a cup of blood out of myself makes me feel rather ill. I just know I’d end up dropping it all over the floor too :/

  • http://www.facebook.com/jennyl1 Jenny Lynn

    I’m with you on this one. It took me 12 years to get up the nerve to try tampons and the squick factor (for me) involved. After reading about how the Diva Cup is used freaks me out even more.

  • http://www.facebook.com/terp.vairin Terp Vairin

    I love mine, but my own vagina doesn’t freak me out sooo….

    • http://www.facebook.com/sandymora Sandy Mora

      Ditto!

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarah.lavelle Sarah Lavelle

    i was a little grossed out when i heard about it, but i’ve been using the diva cup for almost 3 years now, and i really love it. it isn’t as gory as one would think, and my periods actually seem shorter now, probably because a percentage of menstrual bleeding is often from fissures (read: thousands of tiny cuts) in the vagina from the cotton or cardboard of the tampon being dragged out. also, the bleach and god-knows-what-else they put into tampons to make them so white and homogenous gets absorbed into the body through the vagina, which would worry me, since i’m planning to use my reproductive system to make a kid someday.
    but i guess at the end of the day, you have to do what feels authentic for you.

    • http://www.facebook.com/anabiensofia Bea Ramirez-Olivera

      fissures????? OMG WHAT that’s freaky

  • http://www.facebook.com/selinaparra Selina Parra

    I have nightmares just imagining using these. Like, what if you need to rinse it out when you’re in public? You’d have to clean it in the sink of a public restroom for all to see! And the mess?! One false move and that uterine lining is covering a very unhappy stranger. Oh, geez. I’m gonna stop talking now. I’m unnecessarily freaking myself out more and more with my hypothetical situations.

    • http://www.facebook.com/carolineduff Caroline Duff

      I think there is a lot of misconception about where you empty the cup and the rules of rinsing it out. You don’t carry a full Diva Cup to the sink after removing it. You empty the cup into the toilet while you remain seated (looking a lot more like tampon disposal right now, ain’t it?). If you are in a public restroom stall, where access to a sink is impossible/unnecessarily embarrassing, all you have to do is wipe out the cup with toilet paper, for the time being. Then when you get home/have access to a more private bathroom, you take the time to clean it out with soap and water. See no need to bring it out in public, no need for strangers to see it, no need to have nightmares over completely fantastical situations that wouldn’t occur if you follow the instructions included in the box.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jenaroseevans Jena Evans-Turnbull

    Oh please give it a try first! You might love it, it might be the best thing you have ever done, or the worst, but try it! The rewards are so worth it – ie. not putting cancer causing tampons (the bleach and formaldehyde they use to make them white) into your body. If you try it and still hate it, please for your health at least consider tampons that are not bleached – WHY DO THEY NEED TO BE WHITE ANYWAY? ha ha.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1130884847 Amy Grimes

    I imagine it would be *really* easy to spill it all over yourself, if you had to change it in a public restroom. It’s great and all, but I see why you’re squicked out.

  • http://www.facebook.com/meredith.montinieri Meredith Montinieri

    I hate the name Diva Cup. I call mine Betty instead. Out of my five friends at school I convinced two to switch to Betty. One had the same reservations as you…but I think all the comments above me made great points! I really think you should just try it…it sounds a little weird in theory…but so does stuffing bleached cotton up your va-jay multiple times a day. Good luck!

  • http://www.facebook.com/dianasof Diana Zapata

    I was actually looking around the diva cup website last night (and looking at the luna pads and the underwear that they have) and they actually sell little kits precisely to avoid those awkward public bathroom situations. You can get the diva cup, a waterproof pouch with two pockets and in the pouch you can carry around a little towel and one of those spray bottles with I guess regular or soapy water. I’m convincing myself to try it but i’m not there yet, I might start with the luna pads first.

  • http://www.facebook.com/amandacwood Amanda Wood

    You never know until you try! First off you will never ever have to empty it in a public bathroom. Once in the morning and once at night. I am in so much agreeance with Sarah Lavalle, plus by the end of my period tampons leave me so dry and itchy. Yuck. I can understand not everyone liking it but everyone should learn to be comfortable with their womanly parts! lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1661700041 Erica Geller

    Ladies Ladies. Screw tampons AND the Diva Cup. I HIGHLy recommend the Softcup… the first use is a little scary but wasnt the first time you used a tampon?! I swear to Michael Fassbender these will change your life. You use them once and they last as long as a diva cup.

    Oh ya, and you can have clean sex on your period. SOLD.
    Google it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/rebecca.zinner Rebecca Zinner

      I was just going to mention the Softcup! I just got some, but I haven’t tried them yet. They do look a little intimidating, but I think the benefits sound more than worth it! Has anyone else ever tried these?

  • http://www.facebook.com/rsswatzel Ryan N Stephanie Swatzel

    A product similar to this came out years ago (aparently it was WAY ahead of its time), and I tried it, and I HATED IT! It CAN be messy pulling that thing out and you CAN spill the blood (yech!) It has to be perfectly inserted so it doesn’t leak or “dislodge” and I found myself wearing pads all the time “just in case.” I will stick with my tampons. I have been using them for more than 15 years and I don’t have cancer from them, have never gotten TSS, and when I decided I was ready for a kid, voila! I got one. Do what your body tells you is best for you! Everyone is different and for some (like me) tampons are the way to go. My ONLY gripe is the women who just pull the plug and dump it in the trash as is for all the world to see. LADIES— WRAP YOUR USED TAMPONS AND PADS IN TOILET PAPER AND PLACE IT IN THE TRASH IN SUCH A WAY THAT THE REST OF THE WORLD DOESN’T NEED TO LOOK AT YOUR WASTE!!!! Have a little self respect and respect for the rest of the world, including the children who also use public bathrooms……

  • http://www.facebook.com/gea.marin Gea Marín

    Couldn’t agree more with you, sistah! it really is disturbing… If I freaked out with tampons, no way I’ll try this cup. Not my cup of tea (literally and metaphoric!) Yikis.

  • http://www.facebook.com/MollyBurke Molly Burke

    I love my Diva Cup.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1300236674 Melanie Mccauley

    I think I need this, in order to avoid situations like the one I am currently in. Started period. Realized I was out of pads. (Ignorantly) Drove to Walmart to pick up some more. Realized it was Black Friday. Was too afraid to go into Walmart and buy more pads while people fought over TV’s and Barbie dolls. Went home and found my 12 year old sister’s “Tween” pads.

    And now, the lining of my lady basket is leaking out onto hearts and butterflies. FML.

  • http://www.facebook.com/samantha.berry Samantha Jo Berry

    My life is the epitome of Murphy’s Law, and, trust me, things would go horribly awry if I switched to the Diva Cup. First, my cup would literally runneth over at the most inopportune time forcing me to rush to a public restroom at which point I would spill said cup, faint because blood freaks me out, and then have to stand at the sink of the public restroom rinsing and cleaning the cup. I’m sorry, but no woman wants to walk in to do her business and see another woman doing that in a sink that she’s about to use. And what are you supposed to say? “Oh hey, girl. Just cleaning my Diva Cup. Ya know that just came out of my vagina? That I’m about to put back in my… vagina.” No thanks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1155210008 Danielle Walker

    My best friend is switching over but mostly because she’s going to be living in poverty level conditions in Indonesia for the next 3 years, so she won’t have tons of access or money for tampons.

    I, however, am going to continue living here, buying my disposable feminine hygiene products. I can’t deal with the thought of a cup just sitting up there collecting my blood and then me having to carefully take it out, making sure I don’t spill blood all over my hand.

    Maybe I need some counseling or something.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000436192682 Caitlyn Lechuga

    This article just made my day! I had never even heard of the Diva Cup until I saw it as one of HelloGiggles’ “Item of the Day”. I never saw the appeal because I, like you, am disgusted at the thought of dumping out blood. I will definitely not be buying one!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1419150236 Nico Schrensky

    I’m a fan of the lovely tampon…I don’t think I’d be able to umm insert or take it out…which is why I’d never be able to use the nuva ring….my fingers will stay where I can see… I’m slightly jealous of all those more comfortable with their hoo hahs…

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