I am, without a doubt, convinced that the greatest tragedy of my twenties is that Adam Levine exists in all of his hotness and there is a (slight) chance he may never date me. Seriously, every time he hugs a contestant on The Voice I shed a tiny, jealous tear. Parents everywhere can rest easy because his continually improving, unattainable, unexplainable sexiness is proof that they turned out to be right all those years- life isn’t always fair. It is hard to say exactly how he does it, but I have a feeling the formula that has girls across the country throwing themselves into singing lessons in hopes of getting on The Voice goes a little something like this…
The plain white tee. Or black tee. Or grey tee. Although I am certain he looks good in just about anything, the man rocks a tee and jeans in a serious way, which only contributes to the unfairness of the entire situation. It is just a t-shirt; how is it possible that you are so hot in it, putting meticulously well-dressed men everywhere to shame? It could partially be attributed to the fact that you have surprisingly drool-worthy biceps for someone who wears such skinny pants (not that we mind because the rear view is nothing to shake a stick at), but it is hard to be certain there isn’t some sort of magical, hottie-rockstar superpower at work, putting us all in a trance. I tell you what though Adam, you keep wearing those tees like it’s your job and a large majority of America will continue to try and unlock the mystery.
Heartbreak Kid. A smile that is capable of breaking hearts? Check! If you are yet to pledge your allegiance to this hottie, turn on The Voice and simply wait for him to push the button that spins his chair around, ultimately revealing a smile that will make you melt faster than ice cream on the 4th of July. There is no question; every time this t-shirt-loving front man falls in love with a contestant, bringing out that innocent yet mischievous 1000-watt grin, we fall in love with him- all.over.again.
The Guys Guy. Between his newfound love of Blake Shelton impressions, their budding bromance and sarcastic banter and his egging on of CeeLo’s lady-loving, borderline pervish antics, Adam Levine appears to be the ultimate guys, guy. This is obviously sexy. Duh. It’s as if I am back at the frat house sitting pretty as my insanely hot boyfriend razzes his brothers while maintaining his obvious life-of-the-party, man-on-campus status (that totally happened…to someone out there.) That’s right; his bromance seems to put even more romance in his swag; because he needed the help.
Real-Life Moves Like Jagger. His looks alone could carry his career, and probably a few others, but that’s just not necessary. Why you ask? Because on top of being ridiculously good looking, he is also immensely talented. I haven’t stopped listening to Overexposed on the regular since its debut and we’d all be lying if we said there weren’t a few melodies from Songs About Jane that didn’t hold a permanent place at the top of our own personal chart. Not only do his vocals have the power to swoon even the most cynical listener straight into fandom, he also plays the guitar, bass, drums and piano. And lest we forget, with songs like Love Somebody, Sad and Payphone he continues to write his way directly into our hearts. Some guys have all the moves…for the impossible-to-imagine occasion we ever lose our minds and get tired of looking at his face.
Nice Guys Finish…First? Apparently, on top of being unfairly swoon-worthy, he’s like, the nicest guy ever; both on The Voice and in his personal life. It is safe to say there were few dry-eyed viewers when he marched right up on stage to hug Daniel Rosa after proclaiming that he was the example of what it meant to believe in and follow your dreams. His standing ovation and man-love for Rosa put his nice-guy side on full display; just in case there were any women left on the planet who weren’t already in love with him. If his unbridled support of big dreamers wasn’t enough, he also uses his celebrity status to support LGBT rights- swoon. Talking the talk and walking the walk, Levine has taken the time to make a video for the It Gets Better project and openly changed the location of the Maroon5 post-Grammy party due to their backing of Proposition 8. Men everywhere take note- nice guys do finish first. But, since Adam Levine is obviously going to be the reigning No. 1 for a while, you should get comfortable with finishing second.
To sum up ladies, we don’t stand a chance; we never really did. Adam Levine’s insane hotness draws us in but it is all of the above that convince each and every one of us that his existence, combined with our inability to date him, proves life just isn’t fair. Perhaps I can do some research and my next article can uncover the five steps to becoming a Victoria’s Secret model. History may allude to the idea that this is our best shot at coming one step closer to reversing such sexy injustice. Until then, I advise we all just turn on The Voice, wait for that chair to spin around and let the hotness happen. #TeamAdam
You can read more from Katie Patton on her blog.
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Additional images via TheBerry