I am officially reserving today to do absolutely nothing. I’m going to automatically forward all of my calls to voicemail, nap for however long I want to nap and then stay in bed for several hours after that. At some point I might invite pancakes over to my mouth. Who am I kidding? Pancakes are definitely invited.
I’m going to watch Ally McBeal. I am going to watch all of the Ally McBeal that Netflix has to offer. There will be no more Ally McBeal left when I am done with it. I’m not sorry.
I will put on a full face of make-up and curl my hair with no intention of having it seen by anyone just because that is what my heart desires. I’m never going to leave my pajama pants. They are here with me until tomorrow morning. Despite my current flawless manicure (I’m a blogger! Of course I keep my nail game in check!) I am going to completely re-do my nails. Something with glitter. I’m going to do all of this while blasting rap and hip-hop, namely Nicki Minaj and Childish Gambino.
I’m going to watch Intervention with a bottle of wine and my dogs. I’ll probably cry. If I don’t cry, I will purposely seek out a show about babies with medical oddities to ensure I will cry. It’s not a day off from life if you don’t spend time crying about other people with the safety of the filter that is the television screen between you and their problems.
I will not think about work, I will not think about my familial obligations, I will not think about how my student loans need to be fixed before the summer ends. I will not think about my messy room or how I no longer support that child through Save the Children or how I almost killed a spider last night, but I didn’t, and so it is alive, somewhere, in my room.
I’m going to be as lazy as my aunt who is in a persistent vegetative state due to a car accident and if you think that’s a mean joke to make then you probably don’t have an aunt in a wheelchair of your own. Also, I don’t care. I gave up caring for today, too.
Today is my day off from doing anything and I could not be more excited to not get this party started.
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