I Am A Little Too Invested In Taylor Swift's Love Life (And You Probably Are, Too)

This is sort of embarrassing for me to admit since I’m not 13, but I really love Taylor Swift. I think her songs are fun (my running playlist may or may not currently be “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” on repeat).  I think she’s adorable. She’s perky, she’s wholesome, she has her act together professionally. Above all, her songs are completely relateable, sometimes too much so. Taylor’s songs have the uncanny ability to capture both the highest highs and the lowest lows of relationships.  It’s like she just gets me.

I think it’s because Taylor seems to understand my relationships so well that I am very much overinvested in Taylor’s love life. I was devastated when she and Taylor Lautner broke up (Taylor and Taylor forever!). I was a little weirded out during her relationships with John Mayer and Jake Gyllenhall.  They seemed so old for her, and I remember wondering where they went on dates, since she wasn’t technically old enough to get into bars. And now she’s with Conor Kennedy, which, quite frankly, worries me. If Taylor were my little sister, I’d want to pull her aside and explain to her about the time I tried to date someone four years younger than me, and how the maturity difference was completely insurmountable. I’m particularly worried about the possibly maturity difference between Taylor and Conor, because he’s going to need to work on homework and college applications, and she needs someone who’s available to look good on her arm at award shows and keep up with the lifestyle of a multi-platinum recording artist.

Here’s the thing:  Taylor’s not my little sister. She’s not my friend. I’ve never met her, and I probably never will. And yet I, like so many other people, care way too much about who she’s dating. Maybe it’s because I hear about her relationships more than I hear about the relationships of my actual friends, because I listen to her talk about her boyfriends on the radio every day. I know that Joe Jonas and John Mayer weren’t the best of boyfriends, I know Jake Gyllenhaal tried to win her back, I know she sort of regrets how things went down with Taylor Lautner, all because she wrote songs about them and put them out there for the listening pleasure of the entire world. Yet, if asked directly about her love life, mum’s the word.  In a recent interview in Glamour, Taylor said “I don’t talk about my personal life in great detail. I write about it in my songs, and I feel like you can share enough about your life in your music to let people know what you’re going through.”

Well, if Taylor wants me to know what she’s going through, then I think my obsession with who she’s dating might be just a teensy bit valid. Taylor, if you’re reading this, thanks for putting your personal life out there for me to obsess over when mine gets boring. I wish you all the best, but just in case things don’t work out with you and Conor, I’ve put together this handy list of guys you might consider dating next.

Zac Efron

He’s cute, he sings, he recently admitted that “dating is hard.”  You could turn that all around for him, and then make a movie musical together.

Josh Hutcherson

Time to reignite that fake feud with Miley Cyrus!  She might be engaged to Gale, but you can have Peeta!

Chace Crawford

With Gossip Girl ending soon, he’s going to have a lot of time on his hands. He’ll be able to devotedly follow you around while you continue your plan for world domination.

Any of the guys from One Direction

While not necessarily older than Conor, these guys at least understand what it’s like to be a pop sensation.

Robert Pattinson

You’ve already gone Team Jacob, why not give Team Edward a try?  Things are probably still shaky between him and K Stew, and he deserves a little revenge fling.

Matthew Lewis

I want “Neville Longbottom dates Taylor Swift” to be a headline. Is that so wrong?

Prince Harry

Why settle for American royalty when you can have the real thing? If anyone can upstage Kate Middleton, it’s you.

These are just a few options of many. You’re young, rich, talented and pretty, so the dating world is your oyster. I can’t wait to secretly obsess over who you pick next!

Who would you choose for Taylor to date next?  Let me know in the comments!

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