There are a lot of reasons why I shouldn’t believe that the most recent tropical storm of the Atlantic’s season, Tropical Storm Bret, isn’t totally gay. First and foremost is that he is a type of weather and weather is incapable of sexual urges.Is it my fault that I have an overactive imagination and a heart of gold? If you give any non-living thing a human name, I am helpless to do anything but anthropomorphize said thing. It is precisely the reason why I never played with any of my stuffed animals as a child. If I played with one, I had to play with them all or I would feel badly for being a neglectful stuffed animal owner.
This is how I know that Tropical Storm Bret likes other male tropical storms. I support his orientation wholly but do not respect with how he threatened the Bahamas. Below is how I depict two of the most infamous hurricanes that have effected the US and Tropical Storm Bret. That slacker. Before you ask – no, I did not get a degree at an art school for graphic design. However, I would not turn down an honorary Doctorate of Art if one were to be presented to me after this pieces goes viral.
Tropical Storm Bret highlights and lowlights his hair with varying shades of blonde as bright as spun gold. Though he resides in the Atlantic Ocean, he often claims that his penchant for wearing sunglasses indoors stems from growing up in Los Angeles. Tropical Storm Bret is, without a doubt, a total weiner and most definitely passes out early on your living room floor when you make the mistake of inviting him to your party.
(I know that a lot of us are still hurting from Hurricane Katrina, but bear with me as I explain my idea of who she would be if she were human, which she isn’t, and so I hope this doesn’t upset you.)
We all know Katrina was a total diva. The most expensive hurricane to ever hit the US, this hussy hurricane racked up over a cool $80,000,000,000.00
on Mother Nature’s credit card. On the plus side, through the immense grief she caused Louisiana, she gave us a single brightly shining star: the moment after Kanye West calls out former President Bush for not liking black people.
I don’t know why anyone is still trying to make comedies in Hollywood, because the last great joke is within this second. Just watch the clip. Between Mike Meyers sharply inhaled breath to the quick cut to a clueless Chris Tucker, the moment showed us that it was going to eventually be okay to laugh again. Like right now. I’m serious, go watch that video.We all knew she was going to be a total witch when she showed up in all of her weather forecast pictures sporting the typical duck face of boring, basic women everywhere. And white sunglasses? So 2010.
Hurricane Bob may not have been one of the most famous hurricanes in the US, but he was the only one I remember encountering. He weighs upwards of 350 pounds and wears unbuttoned Hawaiian shirts year round. It’s hard to tell what’s worse, his wayward nipples that are so reminiscent of Paris Hilton’s wonky eye or the crumbs from his breakfast that cling to his sweaty stomach hairs. His facial features appear to melt into his cranium, giving him the appearance of a nondescript blob of nothingness. When Hurricane Bob rides the subway, he pays no mind to where his armpit is directed and lets drops of sweat run down his head and onto the toe of your shoe. He’s just rude, is all.