Finding your match is as easy as Godfather’s 1, 2 and 3. So, how can film preference determine long-term compatibility? It can’t always. However, The Godfather test has proven to be accurate 97.3% of the time. I know nothing about statistics and it took me awhile to round that number. I also strategically selected an odd number after the decimal because I’m an animal and have no outlet for my rebellious urges.
The following are what each Godfather preference will tell you about your potential mate.
Godfather Part I: This individual values tradition and often finds comfort in familiarity and simplicity. They are reliable and find sick pleasure in watching James Caan get shot repeatedly in the face and chest, until left for dead in a pool of his own iron deficient blood. This person is a keeper if you want a stable relationship with little surprises. It’s undeniable that the first film built the foundation for the next two and was a classic, in part due to Marlon Brando’s slurred performance. However, with a classic comes the expected. Part 1’ers are not for the wild at heart.
Godfather Part 2: This individual appreciates depth and complication. They may not always be stable, but you can guarantee they are wise and will be there for you when needed. Part 2’ers are often creative and show their wisdom in subtle ways. They also love seeing Diane Keaton get bitched whipped by Al Paccino after confessing she essentially hates her husband and the thought of his DNA being passed on to future generations. They also really get a kick out of Fredo whipping out a couple of hail Mary’s before having a hit put on him from his ol’ brahski Mikey. Part 2’ers are vibrant and driven. With this ambition, it is wise to remain cautious of their hidden potentials.
Godfather Part 3: If you know anyone who preferred that abortion Coppola had enough balls to release, please contact the authorities, as they are likely a serial killer. Exception to the rule: If they are a Part 3’er because of Andy Garcia/Mary’s hilarious death at the end, give them a warning pass, a few pity dates then passive aggressively like their Facebook statuses until they have no choice but to delete you and reconsider their horrible life choices.
Image via AMC TV
Mindy Furano is a Canadian student, comedic writer and aspiring TV/Film writer. Follow her @mindyfurano