From Our ReadersHow To Tell You Are Spending Too Much Time With A New Non-BoyfriendFrom Our Readers

After I arrived home one evening, I go to the bathroom to take a shower and notice that my contact lens case needed replacing weeks ago, leaving it this late cannot be healthy AND I’m usually onto these things like the well organized person I think I am. Next minute I am in the shower and feel that I have not shaved my legs for at least a few days. Something is wrong and unsettling. I am letting my usually prized hygiene routine and personal appearance fade as fast as the water runs down the drain.

So you know when you meet a guy, you go on a few dates and if you both like each other enough you end up alternating between staying at yours one night and staying at his the other? Or worse, if his place is closer to your work/is quieter/nicer than yours you end up living at his place? If you answered yes to either of these, you will know that when you basically end up living at a guys’ place, personal care items often end up getting left at home or neglected while the more important products are included in the overnight bag and maintained despite the constant travel. This does not mean you are necessarily lazy, it’s just something that happens when you are always packing and unpacking your most used items most days. Items kept prized are of course the make-up and the smartphone/tablet/laptop but for the less fortunate possessions, besides razors or contact lens containers, there is an increasing list …

1. Bobby pins. Bobby pins everywhere, on his desk, his floor, the bed, EVERYWHERE.

2. Underwear. So you are meeting him for dinner/drinks/whatever nighttime activity takes your fancy, you stay at his till the next morning, you go out for lunch and hang out more afterwards… Unless you bring a spare pair of underwear, you are screwed till you get home over 12 hours later and god forbid you end up using a pair of HIS briefs under your dress.

2. Hand/body/face cream. Hands get dry fast. This isn’t something you notice till you forget your moisturizer and he doesn’t have any because he is a man (grumpy face).< 3. Snacks. What up with the overripe bananas, unopened chip packets and unripped boxes of muesli bars in you pantry? It’s because you have been eating his food or eating out the entire time you are away from home! You are buying the things that you already have out of convenience. What a fortunate situation I envy you.

4. Your roommates. They are going to be getting really annoyed the more they plan a fun communal date/meal out and you have already gotten into a routine of “but Fridays are our night so I have to go over there now”. It’s not too bad when everyone else is in a relationship, but more often than not, there will be at least half a flat of singles who will be hating on your situation until they find their own special someone to share homes with. Chores would often get neglected, especially dishes, which only increases over time. Couples are always annoyingly busy all the freakin’ time.

5. Friends. There is a reason you stop texting and replying to Snapchats at around 8:30pm every night, it’s because you are having sex/cuddling/watching a movie with this guy! It’s a classic, classic vortex of growing dependence.

6. Yourself. Just as aspects of your life are getting neglected, you will more than likely lose a bit of yourself. I know you are all saying that your relationship is an outlier, the exception but come on, do not spend everyday or even most days overdoing time with someone new. It is not healthy for you and your friends and it is not normal for new sexual and romantic partners either. The magic will leave once you starting to resent each other because you see each other all the time – usually happens after a month or so of near constant contact. The unfortunate thing is that you often end up planning your futures together by then.

For those of you who fall hard and fall fast like I do, moving in with a lover, not a serious long-term partner is a bad idea! I did it when I was 20, then I almost did it again before I turned 21 :-/. The only solution is to bring your own sh** with you every time you stay at his! DO NOT THINK THAT YOU “BASICALLY LIVE TOGETHER ANYWAY” AND DECIDE TO MOVE INTO A PLACE TOGETHER.

Catherine Poon is a 20 year old Communications graduate from New Zealand. She likes to spend her time justifying her bad decisions, laughing with friends and being nonchalant with strangers. Find her on Twitter and Facebook and her blog.

Featured Image via Shutterstock.

 

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  1. THANK YOU!

  2. Thanks for the feedback guys – I wrote this to emphasise how ‘seeing someone’ and being in a relationship with someone has significant single/taken overlap that is confusing and it can be messy as you are transitioning. You never know what is okay, too committed or not committed enough but you are still in the ‘trying to impress’ phase so you don’t ask so early on, I know I don’t.

  3. If you already know you’re going to be over there often, why not leave a few things there, or keep a “spare bag” in your car? [spare undies, spare contact lens solution/case, spare toothbrush, spare deodorant, etc.] Just makes more sense!

  4. He’s a non-BF… but you live with him and have sexual adventures but nothing more? Sister, hold yourself to a higher standard, you’re better than that.

    • If she’s choosing to have sex / live with a guy she’s not in a relationship with, that has no say on how high her self esteem is! Let’s not bring slut-shaming in… :)