The pretend boyfriend is a wonderful thing. They are the ideal of everything you want in a man – be it good looks, a sense of humour, an air of danger or the ability to know when you JUST want to cuddle. Sometimes they can be our downfall, since no one can live up to that standard. But what’s wrong with having high standards? What happened to being a wide-eyed idealist?
I truly believe that as an individual, YOU have the ability to set the tone and agenda in your relationships. That’s how you give the message of being a woman in charge and knowing what you want. And when you have a pretend boyfriend, you are obviously in the driver’s seat of that relationship. Let me show you how I create the perfect relationship for myself with my pretend boyfriends…
James McAvoy : You like to take me to the pub and we laugh and talk for hours over pints of Guinness and “crisps”. You also take walks with me in the woods and you wear soft sweaters that you never complain about me borrowing. But most of all, you cup my face in your hands and look into my eyes longingly and bite your lip like you are so full of emotion and overwhelmed. I never feel fat around you.
Henry Cavill : You take me to used book stores in London and I catch you stealing glances at me from between ”the stacks”. You give me wry little smiles that indicate we should leave. We race back to my apartment in the rain, where you proceed to take off your shirt and insist on making a fire so that we can dry off. Needless to say at this point, we don’t do too much talking. Obviously, you are currently my favourite pretend boyfriend.
Michael Fassbender: You are my bad-boy pretend boyfriend. You tell people to watch their mouths when they swear in front of me and throw cigarettes at them. We have arguments where we yell and throw things and you walk out. But then you come back five minutes later and we’re kissing passionately against the wall. But oddly enough, you also like to take me to your Mum’s for tea and smile at me while I help her make scones.
Alexander Skarsgaard : You are tall and lovely. You make my neck hurt just looking up at you, so you like to scoop me up in your arms so that I can look into your eyes while my little legs dangle. And you like to speak to me in Swedish and translate that I am the most beautiful woman you have ever made love to in a hot air balloon.
See how satisfying it is to have a pretend boyfriend?
Tune in this week to The Heatley Cliff for more about our pretend boyfriend