The Heatley Cliff

How To Get What You Want from Your Pretend Boyfriend

The pretend boyfriend is a wonderful thing. They are the ideal of everything you want in a man – be it good looks, a sense of humour, an air of danger or the ability to know when you JUST want to cuddle. Sometimes they can be our downfall, since no one can live up to that standard. But what’s wrong with having high standards? What happened to being a wide-eyed idealist?

I truly believe that as an individual, YOU have the ability to set the tone and agenda in your relationships. That’s how you give the message of being a woman in charge and knowing what you want. And when you have a pretend boyfriend, you are obviously in the driver’s seat of that relationship. Let me show you how I create the perfect relationship for myself with my pretend boyfriends…

James McAvoy : You like to take me to the pub and we laugh and talk for hours over pints of Guinness and “crisps”. You also take walks with me in the woods and you wear soft sweaters that you never complain about me borrowing. But most of all,  you cup my face in your hands and look into my eyes longingly and bite your lip like you are so full of emotion and overwhelmed. I never feel fat around you.

Henry Cavill : You take me to used book stores in London and I catch you stealing glances at me  from between ”the stacks”. You give me wry little smiles that indicate we should leave. We race back to my apartment in the rain, where you proceed to take off your shirt and insist on making a fire so that we can dry off. Needless to say at this point, we don’t do too much talking. Obviously, you are currently my favourite pretend boyfriend.

 

Michael Fassbender:  You are my bad-boy pretend boyfriend. You tell people to watch their mouths when they swear in front of me and throw cigarettes at them.  We have arguments where we yell and throw things and you walk out. But then you come back five minutes later and we’re kissing passionately against the wall. But oddly enough, you  also like to take me to your Mum’s for tea and smile at me while I help her make scones.

Alexander Skarsgaard : You are tall and lovely. You make my neck hurt just looking up at you, so you like to scoop me up in your arms so that I can look into your eyes while my little legs dangle. And you like to speak to me in Swedish and translate that I am the most beautiful woman you have ever made love to in a hot air balloon.

See how satisfying it is to have a pretend boyfriend?

Tune in this week to The Heatley Cliff for more  about our pretend boyfriend

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1132480978 Jessica Gambino

    Hahaha Awesome :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/sonyaf1 Sonya Fernandez

    yep it’s so easy isn’t it

  • http://www.facebook.com/christine.tolentino1 Christine Tolentino

    all my pretend boyfriends in one place

  • http://www.facebook.com/eastautumnpacificocean Colleen Sweeney

    Wow…we have the same exact taste in men. Except I am going through an Eoin Macken thing right now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003069219004 Justine Harpley

    lol! this is gold 😛

  • http://www.facebook.com/adella.soemantri Adella Soemantri

    HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA – i had fun reading this at work :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/ANISHA16 Anisha Visana

    HAHAHAHAHA this is hilarious! <3

  • http://www.facebook.com/molly.rochester Molly Rochester

    I want more pretend boyfriends! American, perhaps?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=718260442 Natasha Simmonds

    You love them Brits (plus Alex)! Don’t we all!? :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/saslo99 Sara Slocum

    “You tell people to watch their mouths when they swear at me and throw cigarettes at them.” Haha, I love it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/wayfaring.archivist Eileen Hogan

    I keep a personal blog that is eerily reminiscent of this post 😉

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=504452180 Rachel Buckley

    This made me giggle like a loon. Awesome.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=639752162 Kym Moore

    oh you! u made me pee a lil bit. hilarEEus.

  • http://www.facebook.com/eradler Erin Radler

    I literally just made a “sexy man meat” board on pinterest a week ago. It’s like you saw my board, and then wrote an article about. A girl after my own heart 😉

    Also, love Mr. McAvoy. Delicious.

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