How To Be Your Own Perfect Lover

When you love yourself, you are the perfect lover, you are easy to love, you are happy, you are a joy to know, and you feel joy whether you are in a relationship or not! Being your own perfect lover allows you to free up a whole lot of head space (usually taken up by anxiety) to be a great friend, a wonderful mom, a caring sister and yeah, a perfect lover – ohhh la la!

When you are enough for yourself, then anyone else is a bonus. When you love yourself, you can enjoy the company of a lover without a billion doubts plaguing your mind, causing anxiety and leading to soap opera style relationship drama. Whilst you may love your soap operas, perfect love is not to be found in them. Their example is bleak. Real life perfect love is quieter than that, it is subtler; it is viable only when you can close the door and feel happy in your own skin.

Forget the media’s vision of writhing bodies, red roses and proposals atop the Eiffel Tower. It’s not real, it can’t be sustained. Perfect love is warts and all. It is cheap Chinese takeout, rows about directions, bickering over dinner and cuddles to make up. Perfect love is knowing yourself and choosing a partner based on that knowledge. Perfect love is not sex or appearance or coolness or beaches in Barbados. Perfect love is not frolicking in oceans. Perfect love will not be found because you own a certain item or wear a particular perfume.

Perfect love is real love, and real love knows itself first, real love involves work, real love cannot be substituted for sex, romance or fancy dinners. Real love thrives on imperfections, it laughs at smelly farts, it goes on even after your first fall out, your third argument and your fiftieth bickering about the domestics.

Love can be a challenging task, a fun one, but also a mission of endurance, patience and forgiveness. Only after all those things have been implemented can love become something close to perfect. If you wish to get involved with another human being, I suggest you get yourself ready for the journey! Spend some time alone, because perfect love starts with you. Enjoy your own company, laugh at your own jokes, practice self love in whatever format you find appropriate. Spend time treating yourself to whatever you want to be treated to, make yourself happy. You are a special little soul machine and it is important that you keep yourself blissed out before you can turn that bliss onto any other person. Love yourself. Lap up your own attention, get to know yourself, fall in love with your special self. Go on, do it now, wrap yourself up in your own arms and have a great big one-person hug. Kiss your hands and smile. This way, and only this way, perfect love may just lie…

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