How to Be the Hipster of the Hipsters
by Becca Sands
Now more than ever, it is important to understand how to a hipster’s hipster. I’m talking how to not be stuck in the hipster routine and take it one step further. I’ll take you through the basics and beyond to help you become the biggest hipster on the planet. Everyone will love you for it. Seriously, who doesn’t love a super hipster?
Buy new glasses and make ‘em big.
I need new glasses soon simply because I need new glasses – mine are scratched and dirty and pinchy and meh. But when I finally do get new glasses? They’re going to be huge. I mean HUGE. I’m talking if Harry Potter’s glasses suffered the most out of control Engorgio! charm of all time. It’s really important to me that you all understand how big I’m talking. They should touch your mouth.
- These glasses are huge and ridiculous and perfect~!
Complain a lot about something.
Anything. Absolutely anything at all. “THESE PEACHES ARE TOO PEACHY!” Ugh, I know, right?! It’s like, can life get any worse?! If you want to be super hipster, then if you’re younger than 27, you can reference “These pretzels are making me thirsty!” and you’ll seem super hipster for enjoying Seinfeld. If you’re older than 27, then pick something relevant from that Cheers show or whatever it’s called.
- Argh, candles! And their sweet aromas! Fury!
Care about something really dumb.
Like…whales or something. No, wait, that’s too mainstream. MANATEES. Or earthworms. I don’t care, just pick something that makes people go, “Whaaaat?” when you tell them. And then spat off some crazy information like you’d hear on Blue Planet. Oh right, that reminds me…
- SAVE SOME EARTHWORMS!!!!!!
Watch more documentaries.
There’s this one called Life After People that you guys need to check out. It’s on Netflix and it’s amazing. It’s about what would happen to the world if all human life just disappeared off the Earth. Can you even imagine?! Not only do you learn a lot about geography, architecture and biology, but you also get this unbelievable sense of peace at the thought of no more people. I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it now.
- The thought of being alone made me so happy that I ate all the cookies in the world and now I have chubby cheeks.
Enjoy a book. Or don’t.
Hipsters who read books are so mainstream. Don’t feel pressure to read the written word. If you want to keep reading but also want to avoid being predictable, read the paper, but not on the internet. Seriously, put down the iPad, it is doing you no favors.
- This is me not reading a book.
Turn down the saturation on your tv.
If you make everything black and white, you’ll be the ultimate hipster. Seriously, have you even thought about how smart you’ll look? Your friends will come over and they’ll be all, “OMG what are you watching!” and you’ll be all, “A documentary from 1932 about the sexual politics of the office,” and it will actually be The Office, and since your friends are most likely idiots, they’ll never suspect a thing! It actually amazes me how smart I can be sometimes.
- Grey and pasty looks good on everyone.
Move on from Brooklyn.
I love Brooklyn so so much, but it’s so filled to the brim with faux-hipsters. There’s even a Real Housewife who lives in Brooklyn, did you know that? Brooklyn is no longer safe. The new Brooklyn is Oakland, Pittsburgh. It has everything you could ever want. Like…um…sidewalks and trees and places where you can buy things.
- Anywhere but Brooklyn, yaaaaaay!
That’s how you act like the hipster of hipsters. I hope you all enjoyed. Be sure to tune in sometime for something else.
See more posts from Becca
10.14.2011 |
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people have accused me of being a hipster for years, just because i’m always recommending movies that they’ve never heard of. I always get upset, I say that i am not a hipster because i’m not stuck up. I have my taste, but i don’t judge people who have different tastes. And if someone recommends something to me i always give it a chance, if i hate it after 10mins then i will stop reading or turn the movie off, but i always give it at least 10mins. And if the person that wants me to watch something is watching it with me i will sit through the whole thing…Even if i hate it…Blue Velvet comes to mind…I don’t know why anybody would like Blue Velvet.
i’m the same way. i don’t judge people by their taste in things and i’m not stuck up. but i agree with you, people have their own taste and no one should be judged on their taste. i know i don’t want to be judged on my taste. labeling people is just silly, in my opinion. i give everyone a chance until you prove me otherwise.
Blue Velvet is the WORST!
Don’t forget about anything foreign! Foreign films have to give you a few extra hipster points.
Eh, usually the people others label as “hipsters” have a number of elements of their style, personality, and interests that I particularly like. I wouldn’t take offense at being called one. Being a hipster does not automatically make someone a vile snob.
Come on, hipsters don’t have televisions…they’d rather talk about how they don’t watch television than actually watch television. (And I say that out of love, since I’m one of those faux-hipster people that doesn’t have cable).
But you could become a super-hipster if you made your Arrested Development DVDs into black and white!
Love this. But girl… did you really just dis Brooklyn?! That’s where my awesome hipster brother lives!
Hey girl, I LOVE Brooklyn. I have a friend who lives there and visiting is always a blast. But to be hipster and in Brooklyn is so cliche now, yano?
wait…when did manatees become a really dumb thing to care about?!!?
To be clear, I’m not dissing hipsters. I’m teasing them/us lovingly.
But remember that a true hipster will always deny being a hipster. Truth.
…and that is how I know I am not a true hipster. I do not deny…er, unless this counts as a denial?
does it make me a hipster if i recognize the top photo from “a mighty wind” – one of the greatest indie comedies of our time?
It would if that picture actually was from “A Mighty Wind”, but it’s actually from “Waiting For Guffman”. So I guess that makes me the hipster
.
hipster? that’s so mainstream. …sorry. i…i shouldn’t say that…i’ll just go now.
I am often called a hipster because of everything you’ve listed above, but in actuality, the people I consider to be hipsters don’t care for me/want nothing to do with me because I care way too much about success by its most conventional definition. So I guess I’m just a driven weirdo with predictable in a not-so-predictable taste?
The last sentence I wrote is missing words, but I think you know what I mean. Perfecting my Internet comments… God! What a hipster!
Maybe you’re the evolved hipster–the hipster who will actually be able to afford groceries (at Whole Foods). You’re Next Gen Hipsta.
Think I just found my halloween costume, thanks!
High five for the Harry Potter reference!
ginotmous harry potter glasses. total hipster staple
i love waiting for guffman!
Psssh These days you could be a hipsters for any kind of clique you belong in