There are certain things one learns about oneself with the passage of time. It is the trade off for a saggy bum and a slower metabolism.
For example, it is not in my nature to be sweet, but I can say with confidence that I am good-hearted and generous. I don’t gush. There is nothing about me that comes across as helpless, which sounds fabulous, but in reality means that people are reluctant to offer assistance. I am often too proud to ask for it and I end up feeling rather lonely. I have learned when to pick my battles. When retreat is the far less exhausting (and therefore far lovelier) option. I have learned that most of the time I would rather be happy than right. I know this, but I am stubborn so sometimes I do struggle with letting go of something that is not really that important.
What I am looking for now is a more genteel life. I want people to be nicer, obviously not just to me but to one another. I am disinclined to talk about politics or personal beliefs. When I was younger I wanted everyone to know exactly how I felt about everything. I am more reluctant now, to share my private thoughts. In other words, it’s all about manners.
This is one reason we created The Heatley Cliff. We might be silly on our show but we aren’t rude. We are trying to be ladies. What is a lady? A lady is tolerant, chic, punctual, reliable, affable, polite and generally, a very good listener. That said, I wouldn’t want any of you to think that we believe for one minute that men and women are somehow not equal. Never! But we do prescribe to the notion that the genders are different. I don’t want to mow the lawn or take the garbage out. Conversely, it would be downright unsettling if my husband suddenly wanted to sit around and drink tea, knit and talk about the gorgeous shoes I just got.
I don’t go to the bathroom in front of my husband. I don’t like getting ready for date night in front of him. I like making his tea every morning and setting it beside him. I enjoy it when after a dinner party the gentlemen present separate at some point during the evening. It’s not done purposely, but somehow all the ladies will find themselves on the deck or in the kitchen talking about things that quite frankly are not interesting to the menfolk, and vice versa. I celebrate these differences. I do not expect my husband to act like a lady. He is my best friend, but he cannot, and should not be expected to fulfill all of my emotional needs. That’s where my friends, ladies all, come into the picture.
I am not a blue blood. I am not an etiquette expert. In fact, in the past I did have some boundary issues. But then the internet came along, and everything changed. Can certain websites help one to become more lady like? Indeed!
This week at The Heatley Cliff, we discuss our favorite links and cyber destinations. Here’s a list of some we mentioned and some we didn’t. Bonne Chance and Happy Clicking!
Lighten up, folks!
thanks for including my blog Bisous Chic in the favorites list.
Buse
bisouschic.com
I appreciate this in a world of Bad Girls and Jersey Shore. I don’t believe the author was trying to pose a subservient 1950′s life-style, I think she was celebrating the differences between men and women and the niceties that specifically women (this is a women’s website), but also all humans, should express more in society. I am terrible at knitting, but I also don’t like taking out the trash.
Never thought I would read something so stupid here, such a shame.
You can be a fairy princess, I prefer to be a real human.
WE SHOULD HAVE DIFFERENCES AS INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE, NOT AS A GENDER. Allowing these gender constructs makes the fight harder for women to receive equal pay rates as men. How can we expect to be treated as equals, if women are seen as too “dainty” to take out the garbage? I’m all for politeness and manners, but I expect it out of everyone, regardless of their gender.
contrary to most of these posts, i agree with the writer. I like the idea of being treasured for being the feminine half of the relationship. Even though I could easily do so, I do NOT want to take out the trash. Men and women ARE equal, but it is the differences in each gender’s strengths that are
so wonderful and complementary to one another.
LOVED this.
I agree with Corina, Elizabeth, Shandra, & Alexa! It would be unsettling if your husband knitted, drank tea, or talked with you about fashion?! My brother & I both crochet & lift weights. My boyfriend & I have have all the same mutual friends, men & women. Neither of us wants to mow the lawn. We are both tea lovers & I totally trust his fashion advice. He likes jewelry (mostly watches, but also the occasional ring or chain), I don’t wear any jewelry. These are just personal anecdotes, but I think it gets the point across. Those gender roles are not only archaic, they are limiting and damaging. Gender is socially constructed. We are complex beings and should all feel free to explore a healthy range of masculinity & femininity. I don’t think this is related to manners at all. If somehow, manners is being equated with femininity and men are being excused from it (“boys will be boys”), then I totally agree with Alexa that this perpetuates rape culture.
i don’t think she’s trying to excuse men from manners — if anything, being a lady calls men to a higher standard of behavior themselves — and gender definitely is a construct of society, a universal construct that doesn’t need to be a draconian corset on women, but rather a celebration of what makes the sexes different.
I personally love this article! I don’t think the author was trying to say women don’t or shouldn’t mow lawns and men don’t knit. She said she personally doesn’t enjoy mowing the yard or taking out trash and her husband isn’t one to knit and make tea. I think it is a cute article that is just my opinion though! I can see what people would be upset about though if they interpret it differently than I did.
This is unacceptable. Posts like these are what patriarchy thrive on. There are common manners, but why is that a how-to on being a lady? What is a lady? That word is nothing. I don’t think I am not a lady because I burp and fart and why must men mow instead of knit? If a man wants to knit, he should be able to knit. All of these gendered ideas are just helping rape culture exist. I expected more from HelloGiggles.
Hmm, I’m torn about this one. I do feel that the current society needs to be more aware of manners and etiquitte, but I also don’t think that we should put limits on proper activities or enjoyments for men and women. To me, the list of adjectives you used to describe a lady should also be applied to a gentleman- and those are things that everyone can strive to be. I see no reason to have separate topics of conversation for men and women after dinner, or why a man can’t enjoy knitting and a woman can’t prefer mowing the lawn to vacuuming.
I agree. I think that everyone can learn how to be kinder and more tolerant, but segregating activities and traits by gender is something that pushes women’s rights back a few decades.
To be honest, I feel like this could’ve been written in the ’50s. It would be unsettling if your husband decided to take up knitting? What about my women friends who like to mow the lawn? These are very narrow definitions. If we’re following what you say, I don’t think I want to be a lady.
just thought i’d let you know that the cinema style link appears to be broken.