How One Direction Officially Made Me Feel Like An Old Person Meghan O'Keefe

One Direction makes me feel old.

It’s not that I don’t “get” it. Oh, I get it.

I get the charm of a British accent. I get the infectious beats of their songs and the way their soaring harmonies can make a girl feel weak in the knees. I know the affect that a dimpled smile and rumpled hair can have on a lonely girl’s heart.

What I don’t get is why there’s so much swooning over men who look like little boys.

I’m sorry, but one of the primary aims of a boy band is to be sexually attractive. There’s nothing sexually attractive about Dickensian street urchins. The boys in the group seriously look like they should be extras in a Hallmark channel adaptation of Oliver Twist. They’re impoverished orphans in tight trousers who need haircuts and aid from child employment laws.

I keep wanting to invite them into my home so I can give them cookies and lemonade. They can regale me with stories about the middle school playground and I can giggle and assure them that the girls will be after them when they’re older. The girls are not supposed to be after them now.

You can imagine my surprise when I discovered that the amiable lads of One Direction are not in fact, twelve years old, but in their late teens and early twenties. I was in college when I was that age. I was sneaking $20 under my Boston University Student ID to a bouncer to get into nightclubs. I had opinions on the Peloponesian War. I knew about credit card debt and how to pay it off every month.

So, they’re not children, but they inexplicably look like children to me.

“I don’t get it,” I mentioned to my friend recently over cocktails. “Do they look like children to me because they all really do look like Dickensian street urchins or am I finally just really old?”

“I think it’s a little bit of both.”

I refused to accept that I was old, so I pressed forward.

“Like *NSYNC…when *NSYNC was around, they were around that age, and they looked “boyish”, but they were also styled like young men. Men!! Right? Men!!”

“I think it’s a little bit of both.”

“They look like children!!!! THEY LOOK LIKE CHILDREN!!! Did Justin Timberlake look like a child when he was in *NSYNC? I mean, a teenager, yes, but a child?? He had defined shoulders like a man!”

“Meghan, it’s both. You’re just old now. Deal with it!”

And then I crossed my arms and pouted and began to mourn the passing of my youth.

Are you guys going to have a slumber party and watch The Goonies? That's cool. Just so long as you've finished your Algebra homework.

It’s close to impossible for me to fathom that I might be considered “old”. I’m the baby in my family by about fourteen years (meaning my sisters are all 17-14 years older than me), I was the youngest in my class in grade school and most of my best friends are older. I’ve always been the youngest in my group and it’s been hard in life to shake that “baby sister” mentality.

I seriously don’t even look old. When I nervously met Mindy Kaling at her book signing last Fall, I told her that I do comedy and she sweetly asked, “Oh! What school do you go to? Are you at NYU?” And I was like, “Stop it, Mindy! You’re so nice and sweet and funny! I’m 26. I have a day job and a 401(k) plan. Ahhh!” Of course, I didn’t say anything quite so articulate. I said something in a mumured gurgle and then Mindy Kaling told me I looked 19. My point is that even the eternally girlish Mindy Kaling thinks I’m fresh and young, so I’ve never had any reason to think of myself as anything but a youth.

That is, until I saw other grown women fawn over the boys in One Direction and wanted to cringe.

I completely understand why my dear tween friend Ruby Karp is in love with these boys. She’s young and they’re young. They’re singing about romance, but are too tightly choreographed by their managers to be legitimately sexually threatening. And yes, as I’ve admitted, their songs are catchy and they have great hair.

However, when grown women start discussing the various grown women things they want to do these lads, I want to shake them and say, “Maybe you don’t want to make out with them. Maybe you just want to adopt them because you’re nesting.”

HAVE I MENTIONED THAT THEY LOOK LIKE CHILDREN?!?!

Yes, I know, for the umpteenth time, that they’re not children, but they are styled like children. That I think is what I don’t understand the most. Are we so youth obsessed in our culture that young men who look like young boys are more attractive to women now than young men who look and behave like grown men? Give me Ron Swanson any day over Harry Styles. I mean, Ron Swanson can legally buy me a drink and he would probably make that drink a fine whiskey.

So, perhaps I am old now. I’m so old because I’d rather a grown man buy me a whiskey than listen to a skinny kid hum about how beautiful I am because I don’t know I’m beautiful. (Also, what’s that? Like, if you want to get with a cute boy first you have to have low self-esteem? I quibble…)

In conclusion, maybe I’m just old, but seriously, they look like children. Right? CHILDREN!!!

–Sincerely, an Old.

Featured image via Shuttershock, text image via

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  1. …I have a 12 year old son…. I have to watch shows like ICarly (what IS that show about anyway??) and Victorious…and yes, One Direction and Big Time Rush come barreling into my ears with their preppy bouncy melodies and Tori Vega bops around like I would like to as a 17 year old with hottie Beck but NO. I’m 33….and I have dinner to fix.

    Dang.

  2. I 19 years old and I think they look like 12 year-old kids…then again I’ve always preferred older guys. I’d take Ryan Gosling over these kids any day ;) Does that make me weird?

  3. I think its a British thing, we hit puberty about 5 years later than you guys. This made watching shows like Laguna Beach just painful for us because we definitely didn’t look like that in High School. And after your Bieber export, this is the least you can do.

  4. I’m 19 and thought they were 12… I am so confused/worried about my generation… So it’s most definitely not you. And as a side note… NSYNC rocks!

  5. I’m glad I’m not the only one…

  6. Agreed!

  7. I’m 16. I think they look like freaky man-children. I don’t get it.
    Maybe they should try facial hair… or something.

  8. I’m 19, and even I think they look young! Clearly, you aren’t old, it’s just them. :)

  9. I’m about their age, and they STILL look 12 to me. Sure, there are some guys I know who look younger than they are, but this is a bit different: when I first heard about One Direction, I honestly thought all of my friends were fawning over a group of prepubescent boys. (I was very confused about why they were such a big deal.)

  10. I’m sorry, they’re in their late teens/early twenties? THERE’S NO WAY. I’m 21 and they look young enough to babysit. Don’t let them make you feel old, they just need to dress their age.

    On top of that, as a photographer I can see how this photo makes them look 12 – taking a photo from this angle makes EVERYONE look younger because it makes them look short. If it had been taken from their eye-level or maybe even slightly lower so they looked taller, maybe they’d actually look their age.

  11. I agree completely. I thought it was just me but I’m glad to see there are others out there who feel the same way….. OLD. :(

  12. Okay, I am practically 29 (in July), and these kids look like babies. Now we can argue it’s because I am really close to 30, but they look like kids whose parents still dress them. And while I realize that’s the fashion for boys right now, is there a reason why they were dressed in Snuggies? Don’t worry, you’re not the only one who thinks they look like they just entered the Eighth grade.

  13. On the topic of feeling old, I realized today that the undergrad’s I TA probably never saw a cassette tape, or maybe even had a discman, both things that defined my youth, oh being in your late 20′s!

  14. I’m 21 and these guys look young to me, I’m pretty sure some of them are the same age as me. I genuinely do not understand their appeal, I also dislike the suggestion that girls have to have poor self image so one of these guys can swoop in and remind them how beautiful they are ~on the inside. What happened to “girl power” in popular music? It’s gone completely full circle and is just getting a bit pathetic; even the few female artists that are in the charts seem to sing about broken hearts and rubbish like that (although I will just say Adele does it in a positive and moving way a la Someone Like You). Pah! Rant over!

  15. I’m 20. I’m their age. And I would still feel like a pedophile if I hooked up with any of them. You’re not old, they just look like they’re six.

  16. I’m 17 and can’t even pretend to be attracted to these boys… just sayin… They look younger than Justin Bieber. In fact, I think this is England’s revenge for the Bieber Fever. I thought the one song I’ve heard from them was copying Bruno Mars. I don’t understand this new 1D hysteria that has taken over every conversation, especially on the internet (my Tumblr dash is spammed with 1D! No me gusta.)

    • This new hysteria, is all either fake fans (directionators, we cal them), or dedicated fans, who actually like them, because of their personalities. I was never a “beleiber” ( I can’t type that without laughing) because he didn’t really have any sort of personality, but all the 1D boys have distinct personalities that we love, we’ve watched all the interviews since the x factor and we like them because they’re awesome, hilarious, and so on. I’m sorry for taking this out on you, but I felt I had to get it out there. (I’m in eighth grade, by the way, so maybe I can’t really relate to you. But I feel like I have to defend directioners on this site).

  17. Seriously, they look 12. The only acceptable current boyband in my opinion is The Wanted. At least they look like legal dudes and don’t dance (which I find refreshing). Not that I would know. (shit)

  18. As a 20 year old, even I think these guys look young. They look like they should be in high school. Nevermind my negative bias, due to the fact that at least one of their songs promotes poor self image.

  19. The 1D boys do look very young. It’s also hard to believe that Bieber is 18. Am I supposed to believe these are college-aged men? cringe. And your point about Ron Swanson. 1000000 points for you! Obviously this is Nick Offerman, not Ron Swanson, but this is him at 18 http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/web05/2012/4/2/13/enhanced-buzz-16282-1333389222-38.jpg

  20. Don’t worry! I’m 18, which is their kind of age and I don’t think they’re sexually attractive in the slightest. I think what it is is that they’re aimed at more 11-16 year olds. It does really creep me out when people in their 20′s find them attractive though. That’s just sort of wrong. Or even Caroline Flack. Ew.

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