How I Became America's Next Top Tiny Hat Model

My crafty next door neighbor Lynda is a tiny hat maker.

I found out by accident when I knocked on her door last week to give her some misdelivered mail and bait her into a discussion of Dancing with the Stars. When she invited me in, I found myself surrounded by tiny hats. I was horrified, assuming (as anyone would) that she had mugged an entire band of oompah loompahs and mercilessly jacked their head gear.  I was wrong. It turns out she has a tiny hat store on Etsy.

Apparently, there’s a much bigger demand for miniature millinery than I ever realized.  All sorts of people need tiny hats – hipster brides, burlesque dancers, Steampunk fashionistas, ironic alt rockers, pageant kids and Lady GaGa impersonators. Oh, and people that buy hats for their dogs. (Obvi.)

I’m not usually a hat person. It probably has something to do with the fact that I have a huge head. I’m not being self-deprecating. I literally have an extra large head.  My head is a full two inches larger than the average woman’s head size. I’ve never found a hat that fits me comfortably. Even the ones that are supposedly the right size just keep falling off or just sit perched up on top of my hair like a Burger King crown.

But my neighbor Lynda’s hats were different. They weren’t supposed to fit on your head. They were tiny.  You just clipped them into your hair with a nifty little pin and you were free to rock your mini hat, no matter what your cranial proportions.

I felt empowered. I was finally wearing a hat that didn’t fit my head on my own terms.

And then, I heard the words every girl who’s ever dreamed of looking fierce in front of Tyra Banks and Miss Jay fantasizes about: “Will you be my model?”

Lynda needed a friendly head to model her new Thanksgiving tiny hat (see below).  I was still on a high from having my roots done the day before and decided to go for it.

That’s how I became America’s Next Top Tiny Hat Model.

Don’t be jealous. You can wear a tiny hat too. See Lynda’s Etsy store for itty bitty lids for every occasion.


Photos by Lynda Burdick