Hollywood's Best Holiday Parties Jeffery Self

Living in LA during the month of December is really stressful. Mainly because all I can think about are the celebrity holiday parties I haven’t been invited to. No, no… I am sure you just forgot to add me to your Evite, Kathryn Joosten… its FINE!

I got to thinking about it this weekend, imagining the clinking of champagne flutes in Sharon Stone’s parlor or the smell of cider in Judith Light’s living room and I felt a little left out. So I made this little list of which famous ladies I bet throw the best holiday parties and why.

Jane Fonda:

Maybe I’ve just got Jane Fonda on the brain because, well, I’m awake – but I really think Jane puts together a classy holiday party. Sure, we all love one of those black out/holy shit how did I end up in Van Nuys holiday parties but it’s also nice to go somewhere elegant and classy… and with nice glassware. Jane would bring together old Hollywood glamour with a refined but unpretentious charm. Plus, there’s a good shot that Joni Mitchell would show up.

What to bring: A small holiday gift (i.e.- a high end scented candle, a decorative box, stationary)

Cybil Shepherd:

Two words: WHITE WINE.

What to bring: WHITE WINE.

Laura Dern:

Laura is a busy lady. She’s the star and producer of her own successful TV show and if I had to guess, I’d say she’s the kind of lady who’s buttoned up and focused all year long, like a slightly more fun Laura Linney. Laura Dern’s holiday party is the one night of the year where she REALLY lets loose. At a Laura Dern holiday party, all bets are off and you’ll leave with the scars to prove it.

What to bring: a high tolerance for a wild night and a friend who can appreciate a Diane Ladd sighting.

Delta Burke:

I put Delta on this list for the sole reason that she’s southern, so I bet she makes REALLY good Monkey Bread and I’d love to be able to start the New Year as someone with an honest opinion on Delta Burke’s baking abilities.

What to bring: an empty stomach and whatever wine goes with monkey bread.

The lady who played the Mom on Family Matters and was also Will’s assistant on Will and Grace:

This wouldn’t be the most glamorous party in Hollywood or Pasadena or wherever she lives… but I feel like it’d have a homey/maternal vibe to it. A “bring whatever you want to drink” sort of thing. No one from the Family Matters cast would show up and I would spend ALL evening pretending not to notice. She’d be the most famous person there and she’d make at least four passive aggressive comments about Jaleel White “losing his invitation”.

What to bring: Whatever you want to drink (Shiraz, by the way)

The Talk Office Party:

Here you get the best of all worlds: an office holiday party paid for by CBS AND Drunk Julie Chen. You wait until hour four to bring up Leah Remini but when you do, it’s SO worth it.

What to bring: five questions for Sarah Gilbert (three of which MUST be related to whether she liked Becky 1 or Becky 2 on “Roseanne”)

And finally….

Allison Janney:

Because there’s absolutely no way it’s going to get better than that.

What to bring: It doesn’t matter, you’re going to Allison Janney’s house so chill out and stop worrying. I suggest a hug and a thank you for everything Allison Janney does for us on the small and big screen year after year. Which I guess is the point of this list…. To say thank you, Allison Janney, for everything you do and Happy Holidays.

I’m still waiting on that Evite, Kathryn Joosten.

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  1. Dearest Kristen P- at first I thought you were saying magic of “Kate and Leopold” proportions, which was indeed magical in many ways. Adore Jeffery and his skewed sense of humor. Thanks for the essay.

  2. Oh my gosh. I love this list! But do you really think good ol’ Reggie Vel J wouldn’t make a much lauded cameo at Harriette’s house? What they had was magic of Kate & Leo proportions. OG Power Couple right there.

  3. i would die to attend an Allison Janney party.

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