Harps Not Lyres
Holidays I Wish Existed
by Hesley Harps
Guys. Don’t get me wrong, I love the holiday season, but we all know that this time of year can get pretty hectic. Thusly, I’d like to propose 5 new holidays, just to mix things up:
Ryan Reynolds Day
I know, I know, everyone is totally into Ryan Gosling these days, but let’s get real, I could do a week’s worth of laundry on Ryan Reynolds’ abs, so it’s high time we devoted an entire day to this sexy teddy bear of a man. Who hasn’t found themselves noisily crying on a plane as The Proposal plays for the second time during the flight? Seriously though, ever since Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place, Ryan Reynolds has held my heart in the palm of his hand. I think we all deserve a day off to fully appreciate his savory manliness with Ryan Reynolds movie/TV marathons, Ryan Reynolds themed massages, and perhaps a saucy picnic date in the park…with Ryan Reynolds!!! Or, at least a saucy picnic date in the park with someone who has a mischievous smile.
Bacon Day
On this day we will take the time to observe the crispy, mobile meat that is bacon. Kick back and take the day to wallow in the glory that is the bacon nestled against your eggs, the bacon swimming in your grits, the bacon stacked in your afternoon BLT, and a flavorful bacon martini to finish off what was most certainly the best day of your life. When you’re not savoring this scrumptious delicacy, feel free to celebrate the day further with bacon candles, temporary (or permanent) bacon tattoos, and bacon themed nail art. 24 hours of all bacon, all the time. I don’t think I need to say more.
Men in Uniform Day
On this day, if you are a man, you will be in a uniform. A tight, pressed, well fitting uniform. Essentially, you will be on display, but you will be okay with that. You will be happy to take photos, you will soothe babies with a single touch, you will make ladies (or other dudes) swoon with a single glance, you will catch a kitten before it ever even thinks of falling out of a tree. The rest of us will sit back, relax, and enjoy the view.
No Hangover Day
This day is essentially a get-out-of-jail free card. For some unknown, inexplicable reason, on this one day of the year there will be no hangovers, no matter what happened the night before or during this day. Always been a lightweight? Not today, so have that third, hell have that FOURTH glass of wine without fear. Are you a party animal? Now’s your chance to live it up large without consequences. Seriously, there’s nothing worse than a brutal hangover, so party hard pain free! As a bonus, there will also be no liver damage!
Snuggle with Baby Animals Day
On this day, we will celebrate baby animals and their inexplicable cuteness by snuggling with them all day long. Ideally, this will be a rainy holiday, so staying in bed for hours with a band of fluffy chicks, wriggly puppies, delicate piglets, or soft kittens won’t make us feel guilty at all. There isn’t any love like the unconditional love of sweet, affectionate baby animals so why not dedicate a day in their honor, where we snuggle them to show how much we care.
Images via i-do.com.au, baconbaconbacon.tumblr.com, Musetracks, meowcheese.com, funcage.com
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12.09.2011 |
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Also on Snuggle with Baby Animals Day, they will inexplicably be unable to poo or pee or puke on anything.
Make sure they clear out by midnight though!
I am so pro-Ryan Reynolds Day it’s not even funny. Can we celebrate RR Day while we eat bacon?
Yeah I’m all for Ryan Reynolds day too..
I think RR day should involve staring at lots of pictures like the ones above, haha!
Also the cuddling with baby animals day sounds pretty awesome too
Maybe you should be running for President! These are some of the best political ideas I’ve heard as of late- namely RR day! Cheers!!
http://www.bundtsofsteel.blogspot.com
If there’s no liver damage on No Hangover Day can there be no weight gain from Bacon Day? I don’t want Bacon Day to make us feel less sexy on RR Day or Men in Uniform Day! On those days we should just sit back and think, “It could happen! He would be lucky to have me!”
i’ll take a brandon boyd day. preferably all day, everday. but if not, i’ll settle with ryan reynolds day
But isn’t ryan reynolds day… ever day?? Same with the snuggle animals day.. I mean come on…
I just can’t look at Ryan Reynolds the same after that Family Guy ep…
Do we share a brain? This seems like it’s straight from my mind, lol.
what about ryan reynolds cuddling baby animals day?
how about Ryan Reynolds in a uniform? Have we had that yet? *swooning already!*
Wonderful ideas. esp no hangover and cuddle with animals day. but i do snuggle with animals everyday…
Can we have a snuggle with Ryan Reynolds in uniform day? 24 hours of YUM.
Where do I sign?
Lois Griffin is a genius. ^^^
TEAM Ryan Reynolds!
I VOTE YES TO ALL OF THE ABOVE! … lol So let it be written, and let it be done! (Esp Ryan Reynolds day. Do see that face? that body?) BREAK ME OFF A PIECE O’ THAT! LOL
how about combining Ryan Reynolds day with Snuggling with baby animals day make it RR snuggling with baby animals day! Then you’d have room for Everything Chocolate Day
The only thing that can be better than Ryan Reynolds Day is Ryan Gosling Day.
my favorite is snuggle with baby animals:)
so adorable
Definitely Agree with on having a Ryan Reynolds Day=> He is amazing (both for his mind and body), people should recognize his talent. I’m with you I’ve been a fan of him since Two Guys and A Girl (in addition: everyone on that shows needs to be applauded for their work on there because that was a great show, I hate that they cancelled it).
Aww snuggling with a baby animal–that an adorable idea!!