BEAUTY Hi, I'm Jill & I'm a Product Wh*re Jill Kushner

When I walk into Sephora or The Larchmont Beauty Center, a Dorothy-like voice goes off in my head chanting: “Serums and eye creams and hair products, oh my!” Talk about girling out; this is where I do it. It doesn’t matter what I came in for – I will leave with so much more. And samples. Samples, people! It’s like Lady Trick or Treating! Ugh, I love it so much! Do you know that Kiehl’s carries products for horses? Do you know that I’ve taken samples of these products? How could I not take samples of the Kiehl’s Equine Line? Products especially made to meet the specific-cleansing needs of a horse!? It exists. I need it.

Speaking of Kiehl’s, I’m about to tell you something that will make your (hopefully) well-conditioned head pop off of your (hopefully) well-moisturized neck. Here goes. I know someone who has a special Kiehl’s VIP card. As far as I know, there are likely less than 25 of these cards that are still floating around out there. It’s a VIP discount card. Guess how much the discount is for? 100% off. Did you f**king hear me?! Every time this person goes into Kiehl’s and shows that card, they get a 100% discount. I believe that there’s a spending limit of $300 each time you go in and you can go in daily, if you so desire.

I’ll wait while you pick your head up and place it back on your body. I have intentionally chosen to not only not say this person’s name, but to not even reveal whether this person is a girl or a guy. This is some national government protection-level information. You know, N.G.P.L.I. Because if I’m you guys and I’m just now reading about the existence of this Willy Wonka-like Kiehl’s magical card? I would immediately seek out this person (I’m pretty sure that this is precisely what Facebook and twitter and Linkedin are for) and force them to take me directly to Kiehl’s so that they can bust out that wizard card and spend-but-not-really-spend $300 on my ass.  But forget it. Because they shall remain anonymous. And forever a god to me. Can you tell that they hook me up? They do.  Insert * sigh * here. Let’s move on. Before I get too excited and type their cell phone number.

When it comes to new products, do you guys start off super psyched to try them but simultaneously assuming that you’re allergic to them and go from there? I do. I also do this with new foods. And foods that I haven’t eaten in a while. I think a lot. A lot. With new products, I’m so excited to try them but I don’t have the patience to do the patch test. I do have the fear of having an allergic reaction, so … I just never try them at night when I may have to deal with weird reactions in the middle of the night solo. I simply try them during the day, when the world is up and about and I can take comfort in knowing that I can call my sister or my parents or any of my friends and be like, “Do I need to go to the ER if my cheek itches?” And the answer is always the same. They hang up on me. Which makes me feel better.

I’ve actually just come from a trip to the Larchmont Beauty Center here in LA where I purchased two different eye creams (I should use them to spell out s-u-c-k-e-r under my eyes), a bronzer (what up, Stila) and a damn diptyque candle. I have a tendency to precede the word diptyque with the word damn because I can’t help but buy their damn $60 Baies candle. It’s like how Fiji Water is the treat water of waters. Diptyque is the treat candle of candles. Pricey but luscious. Does a candle even count as a (skin/hair-type) product, per se? Likely not. But the Larchmont Beauty Center has an extensive candle selection, so as far as they’re concerned – this $60 candle is a beauty product with a SPF 60.

Feel free to tip me to ANY products you guys love. Face, skin, hair, nails. I will likely run right out and buy them. Or, knowing me, I might try to whore a sample. How cool is it when Sephora makes you a tiny sample of something? I got this one. It’s THE coolest thing EVER (after that Large Hadron Collider thingy). And believe me, I know cool things. Said the girl who gathers samples of a product that cares for a horse’s mane.

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  1. Benefit skin care line is like crack. So are 99% of the make up forever lip liners and the sephora brand lipsticks! (They smell like berries) also the super nourishing lip balm (sephora brand) is like the best thing ever. I have the same issue of the paranoia of allergies (this may be because i am legit allergic to every makeup it seems) but the illamasqua foundation is the crack of foundations if you’re super pale, since they have like EVERY SHADE EVER

  2. Josie Maran Argan Oil.I put it on my face, in my hair…hell I’d put my breakfast cereal. It’s miraculous. Oh & Urban Decay shadow primer. I can’t live without it!

  3. Amazonian Clay!? Sounds rad! Thanks!!!

  4. Tarte. Amazonian Clay. Anything made with it, by them, Buy it immediately. I’m not a huge girly girl makeup is amazing person. But I can not live without their mascara and foundation. 6 months later, I still get excited when I put them on every morning.

  5. Then I’m getting it. Thanks Megan!

  6. From one product whore to another Balms Away from the Balm the best eye makeup remover on the planet it leaves your eyes feeling so soft.

  7. I’m from Australia and in the US for a couple of weeks. Just had my first ever Sephora fix. I’ve known all about it for ages because of the internet etc. but it was even better than I’d imagined it to be. They carry so many brands that we can’t even get back home, and the ones we do have are half the price at Sephora. I think I’m in love…

  8. I can’t live without Sephora Nail Polish Remover (the one you put your finger in). I even tried to use it with my toes…too bad it didn’t work :)

  9. While Sephora and I have a long standing love affair, I’ve been stepping out with Amazon lately. For the past year, I’ve been acquiring a rainbow of Gelish polishes. I’m obsessed. I have super weak, brittle, thin nails, but when I put Gelish on them, they transform. I constantly get complimented on my manicure.

  10. Hi Jill

    I too am a ‘cosmetics hoarder’ or a ‘make-up hamster’. I can never have too many pink nail polishes, colourful eyeshadows and liners or tubes of lipgloss and don’t get me started on perfume! My fave brand of makeup is definitely Urban Decay I’m like a kid in a Candy Store! All the bright colours and glitters I just can’t help myself!

    Take care :)

  11. Ha! Well played, girl!

  12. Not sure if you would need a nice exfloliant or acne scrub… but Kate Sommerville Exfolicate intense scrub… it’s a life changer! It kind of burns off a few layers of skin (so don’t use it more than once a week… okay maybe twice because it’s so cool) but then your skin looks fab in the morning when you wake up. It’s really expensive so I just keep going to different sephoras asking for free samples. :)

  13. Definitely Nars ‘larger than life’ lipgloss in Norma. really pretty classic red. or Urban decay lipstick in naked.
    or anything in Sephora really, I have an absurd addiction to that store. I’m fortunate we don’t have a Larchmont Beauty Center anywhere near my side of CT.

  14. I spent $220 at Larchmont Beauty Center last weekend! There is a french man who works in there who is a genius at getting you to buy the most expensive things they carry.

  15. Larchmont Beauty Center is the most amazing place on the planet! I wish I could LIVE there.

  16. Try Lancome Genifique serum-it will change your life! I got a sample at Sephora and then immediately went back to buy it. They have a 3 pack of products for like $88.

  17. I love Elizabeth Arden Prevage Face. Expensive but decadent.

  18. I love the sephora maschara remover! You probablly have it lol