I know that sometimes we’re tested as people to see what we can handle and what we can’t in order to help us become rounded out as strong adults. I know many people who are in that “testing phase” right now. But sometimes? I agree that it’d just be really nice to have an easy few days in a row. Sometimes, I want to get to appreciate how bad things feel. Because those feelings are real, they’re not put upon. It’s how our bodies and minds are reacting to an event – why would I try to feel bad? I’m not the kind who needs that cry for help to get attention; if things are crappy, I acknowledge them but bust my ass to get past it quickly. No one wants to be around someone who is wallowing, but the people who are willing to stick it out when you are down are keepers. Because the fact is, we all have super crappy days, sometimes weeks and months. For a million different reasons – and no one is immune to them, some just fake it far better than others… far better.
It’s hard to walk into a room hoping to have someone look at you and realize that they’ve ducked out of that same room to make sure you’re not too close. It’s hard to realize that someone you thought might like you more than the average person they encounter in fact is ready to not spend any more time with you at all. It’s impossible to hear that you’re sick and no one knows if they can make you better. It sucks. It’s devastating to lose someone who understood you and loved you because of all your imperfections and it’s even harder when you lose them suddenly. Or watch them suffer. It’s hard to hear that your income is now cut off. Or you didn’t get the opportunity you wanted. And on those days? Why would you force yourself to sit there and come up with reasons to be able to say, “Well, it’s bad but at least it’s not this”… to feel better? To focus on the fact that some people don’t have shoes? Sometimes, sure that can be healthy. Others? Just let yourself feel bad for a minute. Because when you don’t, that’s when you’ll really suffer.
Dealing with those things can make you question why you’ve made a million choices you can now only look back on and nit pick. Why you walked away from someone who loved you unconditionally and why you said something so good to someone who didn’t appreciate it or you at all. But that’s asinine. There’s nothing you can do with any of that. What you can do, and what I’m learning to do, is to focus on letting yourself feel fully, embrace the sadness and loneliness and confusion. Allow it, because it’s happening whether you want it to or not. Be able to say, “Damn this situation is f-ing me in the face and I hate it.” It takes a strong person to say that. Sometimes it might even make you laugh to say that, so only say that particular line if you’re in the mood to angry-laugh…
It’s when you’re exhausted from how emotional those moments are, when you’ve hit your limit of crying or staring into blank space or your voice is hoarse from screaming… That’s when you can step back and allow the cliche positive thinking to do its job. That’s the indication that enough is enough and you know what? Someone else does have it way worse. There are people with no legs or homes or cable. You’ll get past all your stuff, just put some effort in and you’ll figure it out. You’re going to have to.
But whatever you do, I recommend against a sad, pathetic Facebook post. Because then you probably deserve whatever it is that just happened… Seriously.