Champagne ProblemsGirl-bashing GirlsJC Coccoli

Pumpkin eyes, I’ve missed thee.  Okee doke. If no one’s gonna talk about it, then let Momma Coccoli (I’m Momma Coccoli) take the reigns here. Girl on girl bashing. Sounds sultry, right? Goodness me oh my, no. This has to stop. Like, red light stop. Like, now stop. Not just because it bothers other people and benefits no one as its happening but mostly because you’re a girl, why are you bashing you’re own Barbie doll kind?

Okay, maybe you’re all not “Barbie doll kinds” but its an adorable name and so long as I have you locked-in attention-wise I get to call you what I like, si? Si. I don’t know what else to say except that I ran into another lady as she was word vomiting these gems the other day: “I don’t have girlfriends. Girls are so much drama”, “I prefer male friends” and my all time favorite which literally puts me to sleep, “Women aren’t funny.” ZZZZzzzzzz. Eh, boy. The infamous trigger words that inadvertently expose you, talky-McNegative-talky, as the reason people don’t like having girlfriends. Women that do this, or women that know of women that do this, we have to pull it together. You can’t walk around close-minded for the rest of your life about other women.

A female manager in the hip Los Angeles entertainment industry asked me to lunch one afternoon, with the potential of possibly working together in the future. Lunch went great. She’s crazy hip, well traveled and had her “wild stage” (I don’t trust a person unless they’ve had one) but “doesn’t have girlfriends” and felt it necessary while paying the check to end on this: “You’re going to be mad when I say this, but men are funnier then women.” Oh, where do I sign, “professional manager shaping careers”? Like, what? This is coming out of people’s mouths daily. And this is all hunky dory? No way.

Am I out my mind here when I say that women are bashing other women to just fit in? You are trying to tell me that as an adult grown human, you can’t find one woman you like or trust? Pff. Don’t buy it. Quit selling. No likey. Nothing sets us back further than when woman/girl is talking poorly and in bad taste because of a cliche line that got them through high school unscathed. Next time you hear it said, force this girl into a hug. Even if she fights you, I say do it. Let her feel the human touch since her heart has blackened like a swordfish at a Red Lobster. Then challenge her to exchange numbers with you. That’s right, you’re walking into the lion’s den with no armor. By the time you’ve actually gotten her number to begin a friendship, she may have fainted because no one in her 30 years of life had tried to jump the walls that her low-self esteem has built.

Rid yourself of the jealously, ladies. There is success for everybody out there. Don’t you dare be intimidated when someone prettier, funnier and more charismatic walks into a room with you because they’re is always going to be one and you are beautiful so long as you’re being true to yourself. Shake her hand and mean it. Stop fighting each other to be that one Jennifer Aniston with five dudes in a blockbuster film.  We’ve come super far and we have work too hard to hear one more hard up girl with “success” in her eyes bad mouth another female in front a group of dudes because it’s all she knows. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to drive to Beverly Hills and hug the crap out of that manager.

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  1. i dont have many female friends. not because i dont want them or anything like that. just hasnt gone that way.

  2. I’ve got plenty of guy friends, have always been that girl who “gets along better with guys” blah blah blah. That said, I would be absolutely LOST without my girlfriends. I would totally be friends with you, BTW. Your sense of humor is so similar to an old good friend who moved away!

  3. Hey, loved the article….I can tell you I was friends with “mostly guys” and when they started getting married I got the cold shoulder because their wives demanded it. Lost a bunch of good guy friends too….their loss. I struggle with having friends that are “girls”. I wish I could find just a few to really hang with. Maybe even just 1 to be BFF with. Too much of what went on in HS still goes on today -even after you are married and have kids….then it moves on to “how wonderful/not wonderful” the kids are….Please, No more Drama!

    • yeah, i have always gotten more male friends and i notice the same sort of things but then i have had issues with most women i have tried to be friends with to. i think im slightly cursed as i have never really had best friends just ppl i know and when i do get close to ppl it doesnt seem to last. kind of upsetting.

  4. I love you for this blog! I will be honest, I am a girl bashing girl. Not as in “OMG, look at her dress,” but in a “why do you have to gossip constantly?” way. The majority of my best friends are men, but I do have girlfriends. I end up saying a lot, “I’ll never meet the right girl!” (ha ha) I don’t know if I am just looking in the wrong places. I seem to have lost my respect for the “woman” over the years, but when I read about entries like this… by good hearted, amazing women I think to myself — WHERE ARE THEY? I know I’m not perfect, but I do my best to not be a woman basher. It seems like that’s the only way I’d really fit in with them, is if I jump in on how some girl’s hair looks oily or whatever, and who wants that kind of conversation?

    I will take your great advice and turn around the bad mouthing with a hug… AND with myself. Self hug. Just because I’m upset about girl bashing girls and start bashing them, that just makes me one of ‘em! Thanks again for this wake up call.

  5. This is fabulous! Well done for writing something that hits the nail on the head. I know so many ladies like that and it drives me bonkers. However, I’m guilty of not saying anything to them. Oops. I’m one of the ones who can never get her hair quite right and my makeup looks like balls about half an hour after I apply it, but who knows, maybe there are women who look at me and think, “Damn, she is super stylin’”. One last thing: paying another woman a compliment is the best feeling in the world for you and her.

  6. omg. it’s like you are reading my mind! I’ve found that a lot of girls I know who say “I don’t hang out with girls because they’re too much drama” are usually the ones who like to start it -_-

  7. Well I try to make girl friends all the time, and every one of them will find something to bash about me. I must be that girl that other love to hate – I certainly was in high school. I only have ONE, and she lives 1500 miles away…. so if any one in the Los Angeles area wants to go get wine and talk about Patti Smith, I will will be there in 10 minutes. ;)

  8. I loved this. it was relate able and funny. You made excellent points. I am guilty of Girlbashing and it’s not a cool thing. i try very hard to be confident in myself and to stop comparing myself to other women because we’re all different and all awesome in our own ways and why am i going to talk badly about another woman because i think she’s prettier than me? if anything i should be like “girl, you hot. good for you. work it.” because, why not?

  9. Yes!

    That is all.

  10. I’ve had mainly close girl friends all my life, and I think anyone without friends of both genders is majorly missing out. I mean, I get along well with guys and have an awesome boyfriend, but where would us girls be without our lady friends? If you don’t have girlfriends cause of the drama, you don’t know the right girls PLUS you have no one to talk about periods with.
    Also, this site DEFINITELY proves women are hilarious :)

  11. Bobbitt, I accidentally “Not my fav”ed your comment, but I meant to like it. You’re absolutely right, and I didn’t mean to say that women who like sports are not true women. I like sports, soccer and football especially! and a bunch of other nerdy things like star wars and science fiction novels! That’s not the impression I meant to give, at all. :)

  12. Ben Folds Ya’ll!!!

    Smile
    Like you’ve got nothing to prove
    No matter what you might do
    There’s always someone out there cooler than you

    I know that’s hard to believe
    But there are people you meet
    They’re into something that is too big to be
    Expressed
    Through their clothes
    And they’ll put up with all the poses you throw
    And you won’t
    Even know

    That they’re not sizing you up
    They know your mom f***ed you up
    Or maybe let you watch too much TV

    But they’ll still look in your eyes
    To find the human inside
    You know there’s always something in there to see

    Beneath
    The veneer
    Not everybody made the list this year
    Have a beer

    Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
    But there’s always someone cooler than you
    Yeah, you’re the s***
    But you won’t be it for long
    Oh, there’s always someone cooler than you
    Yeah, there’s always someone cooler than you

    Now that I’ve got the disease
    In a way I’m relieved
    Cause’ I don’t have to stress about it like you do
    I might just get up and dance
    Or buy some acid washed pants
    If you don’t care
    Then you got nothing to lose

    And I won’t
    Hesitate
    Cause every moment life is slipping away
    It’s ok

    Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
    But there’s always someone cooler than you
    Yeah, you’re the s***
    But you won’t be it for long
    Oh, there’s always someone cooler than you
    Yeah, there’s always someone cooler than you
    Oh, there’s always someone cooler than

    Life is wonderful
    Life is beautiful
    We’re all children of
    One big universe
    So you don’t have to be
    A chump

  13. I am so glad you wrote this. Why is it that women feel the need to tell their women “friends” those exact words? Makes no sense to me. I crave girl-friend time, and I would most definitely be lost if it weren’t for my more glamorous friends who taught me so much about beauty, fashion, and how it doesn’t matter if you’re skinny or fat, pretty or ugly, trendy or not so much, as long as you are a good, honest and happy person.

  14. I say, if you say you don’t have “girl” friends because women have too much drama, you are hanging out with the wrong ladies! I have several women friends who I love dearly and wouldn’t trade for the world. I think mostly though, as women, we are territorial creatures and feel threatened by anyone who we perceive may be better than us in anyway. It’s hard, but we need to put aside our insecurities and know that we are awesome the way we are (I am currently working on this one, I’ll let you know how it turns out)

  15. I will honestly say that until recently, I was “that girl”. I had girlfriends in high school, but I tried to distance myself from dramatic-sterotypical-girl-stuff like gossip and getting all pissy because some guy you dated 3 years ago has a new girlfriend. But, as I’ve gone through college and have had mainly all guy friends (a few have girlfriends that I’m now bffs with) I’ve realized that guys are JUST AS DRAMATIC AS WE ARE! About different things, but they are! They’ll fight to the death about fantasy football and talk a buuunch of crap about eachother’s girlfriends. At the end of the day they all make up and don’t really care about what they were fighting about, but still! Guys are not as drama-free as women think. I’ve realized that recently, and I definately agree with your post, Coccoli. :)

    OH and just let me add.. usually the girls who “only have guy friends” are the girls who pretend to LOVE baseball and all other sports, and stalk sports blogs just so they can include themselves in their guy friend’s conversations. Be real, chick… you don’t want to know every single player’s number and their whole life story. Go buy a Cosmo. (..yeah i might have a friend that does that. It’s annoying.)

    • Well, you can be a “real” woman and be obsessed with both sports and Cosmo. Or neither, like me. :) There’s no guidebook anymore to being a true “girl,” and I’m so happy for that. Because us action-figure-collecting, guitar-playing writer-types can learn from the ballet-dancing, cooking-maven shopaholics and vice versa! THAT’s why sisterhood is so important. New perspectives help you grow as a person. Thank you so much to Ms. Coccoli for writing this.

  16. preach it sister!

  17. Thank you! That is all.

  18. Note to women: you’re supposed to be better than we men. Smarter. More intuitive. Stronger. Forget equality for a moment, because you stand up to far more ferocious and widespread negativity than we men do. Women have been beaten down since… well, since Biblical times, and mostly by men. Where women succeeded in life — Cleopatra, Hypatia, Jean d’Arc, Lise Meitner, etc. — it’s always been chalked up to men feeling sorry for them or men helping them or they taking advantage of their “feminine wiles.”

    Fact is, you’ve borne the brunt of a nonstop bombardment of misogyny for millennia, and while the fight for equality broke some long-time patriarchal standards, it didn’t cast off the shackles completely, and here you are, looking to click them back on again by beating on each other. Stop it. Please. We’re all human beings, we all have our own likes/dislikes, our own idiosyncrasies, our own ways of being, and there’s no point in women bashing women just to prove they are equal to men. Don’t be equal to us, be what you are — better than us. Women are funny. Women are smart. Women are creative. Women are. It’s just time the bulk of man-kind got the hint.

  19. JC Coccoli
    Rid yourself of the jealously, ladies. There is success for everybody out there. Don’t you dare be intimidated when someone prettier, funnier and more charismatic walks into a room with you because there is always going to be one and you are beautiful so long as you’re being true to yourself? Shake her hand and mean it.

    I just wanted to say that your words have inspired me. I’m not one of the pretty people and I’ve often been in situations when I’ve been talking to my friends and some prettier person walks in and joins the conversation. At times like those I’ve often closed up and retreated to the background of the conversation, trying to act invisible, worried that if I keep talking I might embarrass myself. I feel embarrassed to say this but I have judged these girls. Because they had the perfect hair and clothes I had this image in my head that they were all mean people. I had read this article only this morning and I decided to give it a try, I attended TAFE (kind of like Uni for Australia) and I was sitting in the lounge area during break having a conversation with an older woman in my class when a girl walked in. She was wearing the stylish clothes and had the flashy hair and she came to join us on the lounge. At first I slowly retreated to the background when your words rang in my head, and I decided to follow your words and give this girl a chance, so I kept on talking and she joined in on the conversation, as we talked I realised we had a lot in common and she truly was a kind and funny person. I believe if I had kept to myself, being ignorant believing that all those types of girls fit in with the stereotype, I would never have been able to find a true friend in the girl I met today. Your words matter and I hope they will inspire others as they have me. 
    J.Rose

  20. I drew up with all males, cousins and brothers…..so I tended to have way more guy friends ever since I was little. Just in the past couple years have found a FEW… and I mean like… 1 or 2…female friends that don’t piss me off on the reg or back stab me. I definitely don’t agree that guys are funnier, though. Im gosh-darn hillarious!!!