Funny Freshmen Essays About the Presidential Election

The upcoming election has me thinking back to 4+ years ago when I was a high school teacher. The English department assigned all of our freshmen students to write a five paragraph essay describing the ideal characteristics for a presidential candidate during the first week of school. After reviewing some of the essays, I wasn’t sure whether the teenagers were more uneducated about writing or politics. Don’t get me wrong, there were students who could write well and addressed the subject intelligently. But those aren’t the ones I’ll be sharing for us to giggle at.

The following are excerpts from these essays. Mistakes are the students’ own:

A good president needs to be organized and file all his papers so that he can find them later. A good president also needs to not be forgetful. What if he forgets a meeting?

The two characteristics that students mentioned the most were being organized and being good looking. While I’ll chalk the latter up to either shallowness or jaded feelings toward politics, the organized part is amusing, as if the president is filing his own papers and scheduling his own meetings. That’s got to be the Vice President’s job, right?

I’m forteen so I can’t vote yet but I won’t vote when I’m older anyways because if I vote for someone and they lose I will be pissed.

I hadn’t realized that elections could be so bad for one’s self-esteem.

Who is going to be our new president? Hilary Clinton? If she is then she’ll be our first woman president. I forgot who faced George Bush back in 2004. Who was it? Tell me, because I forgot. Well in the future, I hope they choose the best president there is. Good luck voting in the 2008 election, people.

It’s always best to conclude an essay with statements that show your ignorance.

 In 2008 we we will finally get to kick Josh W. Bush out of the election.


[The president] needs to be active or maybe do something. Also go to schools and then maybe do something.

Yeah, doing something might be a good idea. The suggestions here are concrete and stellar.

Firstival, the president should…

I learned a new word. It appears to sound like “festival,” but is synonymous with “first of all”.

You might say what about a woman president? Any woman president might not be the right person for the job, or she maybe think about a woman president like this another who has children and the do something wrong, she says do that again and your going to be in big trouble, yet the child continues to do it and this mother does nothing and isn’t consistent, what next? you think she will do the same with our country, we are practically putting our lives in her hands. She could be like a mother to our country.

It’s the first time I can remember somebody calling someone a mother to something and meaning it negatively. I’m pretty sure this is sexist rhetoric, but it’s too incoherent for me to be positive. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only one…

The president should be 49-58… It should not be a women because they are to emotional and needy.

Oh dear.

I don’t think it should be a woman because I know about there menstrual pains.

Compassionate and well-informed.

The next president should be male, more importantly a Republican. he should be a Christian and not care about what other people say… He should be pro-war and not be cowardly and pull the troops out. He should be well aged. He should also lower taxes… He should be against gays, murderers, and other people the disobey the law. he should go to Church and always ask God for advise espucially before making any really big choices that could affect the country.

This paper was one long conservative rant that made me want to vomit. But I couldn’t help but chuckle at him equivocating gays with “murderers and other people the [sic] disobey the law.”

 Someone who won’t drive our country into a wreck like a drunk driver.

Got to love that figurative language!

Our old president didn’t have alot of fans that like him because I saw pop up in computers that makes fun of him like a boxer punching him. Maybe the old president did something that made the people angry.

This snippet is from a student who had only been in the country for a couple of years. It wasn’t a great essay, but it does show skills of perception, no?

It’s alright to be a little ignorant if it means making your own decisions.

Ha! This is my new mantra.

One essay stood out  above all the rest, however, and it’s the only one I’ll publish in full. She didn’t follow the format, but she did show a lot of imagination:
2008 is arriving, citizens. That means it’s just about time to elect another president! That’s right, say goodbye to Bush, and pick another guy (or girl, for once) to watch over this INSANE country! But wait, don’t just elect the friendly old man in your apartment; these people need the eye of the President! So, what does it take to have this awesome ability. KEEP READING AND FIND OUT!
To start, all of you wise guys need sense of leadership. That’s right, you watch, care for, and lead this country no matter what it takes! They need to know what to do if a group of assassins plan on taking them out. If another country wants to wage war, and you think you can take them on, don’t be afraid to send a message, saying, “Bring It On!” If you think you can handle any of these, you’ve passed the first test.
Next, no matter what’s happening, the president must remain calm. I repeat, REMAIN CALM! Don’t freak out when you’re watching a video of a terrorist threatening to blow up a state in five minutes. No, just sit there, robotic looking, and simply reply at the end of the video with a, “No you’re not, fool.” A president must not panic if a building has been bombed. Either you try to sit down and talk with the bomber or bomb them right back; and the last thing that bomber will see is a sentence printed on that bomb that says, “Right Back At You!” A little wit in your mind will also help with the situations as well.
So, do you see anyone with the Eye of the President? Maybe you realize you’ve had the ability yourself. Either way, now you know to elect for 2008! What are you doing still reading this? Go get a piece of paper, write down who should be president, and save it until THAT day!
Remain calm. I repeat, REMAIN CALM! Except, maybe worry just a little bit because all of these students would be of legal voting age by now. Here’s hoping my class helped to put them on the road to becoming articulate, well-informed adults. No promises.
Image via Shutterstock 

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