Tales of a Semi-Professional Lesbian

From Straight Girl to Bisexual: How I Fell for My Best Friend and Her Boobs

Hello Friends.  First of all I would like you to imagine me on a children’s rocking horse, which happens to be located at the top of a ten-foot slide.  The bottom of that slide is three feet from wherever you are reading this post.  Imagine hearing a fun circus-type whistle and BOOM – I’m flying right at you; this is how I would like to enter your world if you will allow me to do so.  The reality is that I’ll be writing this column from my apartment in Echo Park, Los Angeles, where ‘La Cucaracha’ is currently playing via car horn for the sixth time today.

Okay, so blah blah blah, my best friend’s boobs.  Four short years ago I was a straight.  Today, I am a bisexual lesbian.   Girl, we need to talk.  So much has happened. Where have you been? Why didn’t I realize sooner in life?  I’m in my thirties.  What took so long?  Seriously.

Let’s get back to my best friend’s boobs.

It all happened so quickly.  One day I was sitting on the couch with my best friend and the thought of kissing her or any other woman had never occurred to me until that moment.  So I asked her if I could.  She said no.  She didn’t feel that way about me.  She felt emotionally connected to me, but not physically.  Fine.  But that didn’t stop me from exploring those feelings.  She and I hooked up a tiny bit and did agree that we were dating emotionally, just not physically.  Truthfully, I just don’t know how she could resist me – I am quite adorable.

The good thing about all this is that it’s led me to love.  What could be so wrong with that?  I’m happy to say though that back then I wasn’t scared of the impulse, it was nice to like something new. (Boobs.)  I didn’t judge the feeling, either.  I just thought, maybe I should look into this. (Boobs.)  I did and here I am: a bisexual lesbian.   Ain’t no thang, baby.  (I’ll stop with the boobs.)

I need to amend my ‘La Cucaracha’ comment: make that eight times today. I was just lucky enough to get a double dose.  Thank you, Echo Park.

I’m excited to write this column because I think there are some people who are confused sexually and politically.  But don’t worry, I’m not here to preach, sheeps.  But I might be here to brag.  I guess I’m proud that I’ve made sweet beautiful love to both sexes and can firmly say that I truly satisfy both.  Not many people can say that.  I can, baby.  Jazz hands.

I’m not saying that I’ve slept with a lot of people.  Calm down and go soak your tampons in some more alcohol.  Drinking through your mouth is ten minutes ago.  ALL I AM TRYING TO SAY IS THAT I’VE HAD A LOT OF SEX IN MY LIFE with a limited number of partners belonging to BOTH sexes.  And I’m saying this because I think I deserve at least a plaque or something?

In case you’re keeping score, I can count the amount of people I’ve slept with on two hands.  Which is no small feat in this post-Jersey Shore, call a taxi and run era.  (I actually just stopped writing this to count the amount of people I’ve been with to make sure my testimony is accurate.  The numbers are in: Look Mom, TWO HANDS!!)

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=828250592 Morgwn Leigh Makepeace

    THANK YOU! for this post, and just generally being awesome (:

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1517650 Allison Suzanne Sinbad

    Connect with Facebook to post a comment

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1517650 Allison Suzanne Sinbad

      Whoops, I didn’t mean to post THAT. Anyway, it’s interesting that essentially the same thing happened to me, which I just wrote on your Facebook. Great first post, pretty lady!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=780260404 Meisha Virtue

    Well, I’m happy that you have lived, and loved, and explored your sexuality. And you wrote some pretty funny jokes. But the unfortunate thing about about being open and out is that it in our society, it has political ramifications. And when you have a voice on a widely read website like HelloGiggles, you need to write responsibly, which you haven’t, I’m sorry.

    I have two main issues with this article.

    1. Your title. “From straight girl to bisexual.” I know you get into the article about how you were awakened to your bisexuality late in life, etc. but the problem with this title is that right off the bat, it reinforces the idea that our sexuality is a choice. By saying “I was straight, but now I’m bi,” it makes it seem like it was your decision. This is highly damaging in the fight for equality, since so much of it is based on the fact that our sexuality is genetically predetermined. It only will take one homophobe one time to cite your article as proof that being queer is choice, and then the fight for equality will be eroded at a little more.

    2. “I am a bisexual lesbian.” No, you are not. A lesbian is a homosexual woman, you are “bi”. There are different words for different things, and by using those two words together, you are showing ignorance. Gay means something different than lesbian. Bisexual is different than pansexual. Gender is different than sex. Transsexuals are different than transgendered people. A drag queen is different than a transvestite. A male is different than a female, and both are different than intersex people. And let us not forget about our gender neutral and asexual friends.

    Like I said, you are funny, but if you’re going to keep writing about this stuff, even if it’s mostly about your own journey, please educate and inform yourself.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1517650 Allison Suzanne Sinbad

      Honestly, I don’t believe sexual orientation is a choice, but a lot of people accept that environmental factors can play a part in a person’s sexual orientation albeit in a subconscious way. Homophobes are going to hate gay people no matter what. They may look more bigoted if they’re arguing against something that is “NOT A CHOICE”, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. They’re being bigots against a person due to who they love.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=780260404 Meisha Virtue

        “a lot of people accept that environmental factors can play a part in a person’s sexual orientation albeit in a subconscious way.”

        The problem with that though, is that it becomes easy to classify as a sexual deviancy then. That’s because people who were abused are usually the ones who are into the more hardcore BDSM, or people who were molested as children are more prone to be child molesters themselves. Environmental factors cannot be equated in, because that is the equivalent of saying that little boys who were raised mostly by women and were allowed to play with dolls are more likely to be gay, and that’s simply not true.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=759104898 Emily Kreider

          The statement about children who were molested are more likely to become child molestors is actually completely incorrect. You have it backwards, it is that child molestors were likely molested themselves. Let’s fact check before we make bold statements! Also, your comments are quite rude and arrogant. Obviously the writer has her own story and journey, just because it doesn’t match yours doesn’t make hers any less real and valid.

          Nicol, I love your writing style. You are supes hilarious and I love the realness of it. Thank you for reminding everyone of how different we all are- in a great way :)

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=780260404 Meisha Virtue

            I was trying to make that point, but I got the wording wrong, and so you are indeed correct. But I don’t think my comments were arrogant or rude, they were simply critical. She wrote a piece and I responded. I was aiming to be constructive, but I think my final comment may have crossed the line into snarky. It wasn’t very nice, but the writer seems like she could take it. She’ll probably just tell me to soak my tampon in some alcohol, and I can handle that too.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=780260404 Meisha Virtue

      For what it’s worth, I identify as bisexual, and have openly admitted it to myself since I was 14. I’ve never once been put on blast by my gay or lesbian friends for being “less queer” than them. Probably because I never flounced up to them and proclaimed myself to be a “bisexual lesbian now guise”. They’re not going to throw you any party for deciding that you’e bisexual in your late 20s, because they struggled with their sexuality their whole lives until they had the courage to come out and face whatever bigotry and adversity that was going to be thrown their way in life. Seriously, if you want to be truly accepted into the LGBT community, become part of it. Don’t just expect a high five when you’re like “lol I used to be straight but now I kiss girls too.”

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=564819459 Chris Peck

        I feel like you’re being just as judgmental as the bigots. Should it really matter “when” someone figures out what their sexual identity is? For example, the R&B artist Frank ocean is in his early twenties, but he didn’t label himself in his famous Tumblr post about how he fell in love with a man at 19. If you want to get political, my stance is this—no matter who you love, love is beautiful. Judgement about promiscuity or whatever is a separate issue to me. But if you want to “choose” to love men or women FINE. If you discover at a young age that you are gay, straight, bi, etc, then that’s your journey. Why the hell should it matter how you arrive at this self-truth, it’s beautiful that you found it. You talk about responsibility to the LGBT movement. My understanding was this had nothing to do with genes vs. environment. It’s about acceptance. To be who you are, and not be denied happiness. And in that case, you would appear to be counterproductive to your own movement.

        • Nicol Paone

          Well said, Chris!

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1480560011 Maggie Voorhees

          “It’s about acceptance. To be who you are, and not be denied happiness.” So, so true! I think this applies to everyone, gay, straight, bi, nuetral, etc. Thanks Chris!

    • Nicol Paone

      I respectfully disagree. #1) I don’t think that my title “From Straight girl to Bisexual” implies that sexuality is a choice. This was my experience. I was straight for many years without an inkling of a crush. There was no hiding of any impulse or feeling. So I was straight. Any publication that takes this post and reposts it with that in mind is doing so in an irresponsible manner and I cannot comment or worry about that. I can only put my true experience out there and hope that others see where I’m coming from. As it turns out, many of them do.
      #2 I’m well aware that the term bisexual lesbian is incorrect, it was written as a talking point for my next piece as I was very sure that people would call me out on it. So thank you for that and the lesson. I am extremely involved in the community and have been for years as a “straight woman,” I was on a gay show for three years and have been an advocate since I was 18 years old. I am very involved. And with regard to my party: Yes, I deserve a party. A big one where I will toast to the right I have to share my story with so many positive and lovely people. Maybe you’ll be invited.

      • Nicol Paone

        Correction: You will be invited.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=780260404 Meisha Virtue

          Cool, I think I would like to come to that party. I hope it didn’t come across that I was trying to attack you as an individual, as I enjoyed the article for the most part (boobs). I think my third comment perhaps crossed that line though, so I’m sorry for that. I’ll definitely be following the column, and probably commenting too.

          • Nicol Paone

            Apology accepted. This is a touchy issue that I believe is personal and individual. I don’t think anyone should have to define themselves at all with any label. That being said, in this world filled with homophobia it’s important that people share our stories. I think it’s amazing that at 14 you knew that you were bisexual. Good for you. Here’s what I think you should do….high five yourself! Invitation to my party is in the mail. 😉

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=502039010 Lindsay Jackson

    “When I came out to my gay friends, I thought I was going to get some kind of a welcome gliteratti leather and lace parade with a ball later that night that included a step and repeat. Nope. All I got was, “You’re a slut, you’re confused, you’re in a phase, we don’t want you.” Well, fine. Be that way.”

    LOL – pretty much the same response I got from my very few gay friends. I don’t understand why they’re so picky about who they let into their “clan”. I appreciate what they appreciate, and I appreciate what they don’t appreciate!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1134602851 Jessica Mauck

    Hahah I love you! Aside from your amazing sense of humor and writing style, I love this sentence: “I think there are some people who are confused sexually and politically”. While we’re all confused politically (because who the hell knows what’s REALLY going on – seriously, if someone can clue me in, I’d really appreciate it), I think people see sexuality as this or that, either/or, etc. If someone asked me about my sexuality, I’d probably have to say “straight”, but it’s not that easily summed up. I’ve always put emotional connection before physical – sexuality, to me, literally had nothing to do with physical attraction, but emotional attraction. I could have been with women, but I have yet to come across a woman I connected to on that level. My husband simply got to me first. So yeah, if someone asked me, I’d have to say straight, but in the wide spectrum of possible sexuality, I honestly think I’m only mostly kinda straight but maybe not really. And yes, I realize my label sucks in comparison to yours.

    P.S. Your friends sound awesome. Not the sarcasm. And I apologize for that, but honestly… rude.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1134602851 Jessica Mauck

    note the sarcasm*

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1173699194 Whitney Paige

    Here’s my issue with this article, you say you went from being a straight girl to bisexual and also refer to yourself as a bisexual lesbian throughout your writing. In the words of lady gaga “baby we were born this way”, now some of us discover our bisexuality younger than others (mine happened to be at the age of 12) but we always were and always will be bisexual. Now on to the next thing, a bisexual lesbian? You are either bisexual or lesbian not both.

    Other than the things I mentioned above I do have to say I did like the article, luckily for me, my friends, gay and straight are true friends, they don’t judge me based on my sexuality, they love me for who I am, you need to find friends like that and do away with the ones who aren’t.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=630987270 Liz Dodder

    Great writing Nicol, and great story! xo

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=502994201 Ksenia Vassilieva

    I get that you’re trying to be funny, but I wish you’d stop acting like boobs are the best/only reason to be in love with a girl. Instead of funny, it comes off as immature and belittling.
    Also, didn’t really appreciate the part where you accused the reader of judging you for sleeping with a lot of people, which you then countered by saying that you’ve had a lot of sex, but with a limited number of people. Way to slut-shame. There’s nothing wrong with having many partners – don’t encourage suppression of women’s sexuality.
    This whole article needs to grow up.

    • Nicol Paone

      Maybe I do need to grow up. You might be 100% correct. I did write a song called “Boobs in your Bed” so you probably have a point there. As far as slut shaming. Me? Never! I would never shame a slut. I’ve been saying “Have at it, sluts!” ever since I can remember. The only people I will shame I believe I’ve shamed and intended on shaming are those ridiculous human beings who soak their tampoons in alcohol, just so they can get drunk faster. Tsk, tsk, tsk….use a glass people, please have some dignity.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=513222364 Kara Taylor-Sherrell

    I’m just bisexual, what makes a bisexual lesbian? I was with a woman far before a man sexually, but find it hard to date women.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=11301024 Brittany Woodell

    I think that’s it’s fair to say “I used to be straight” in that “I used to live as a straight woman,” and “now i’m bi” meaning “now i know that I’m bi.” There’s a lot of complexity that comes with that – obviously with the labeling as “other” by both the gay community and straight community as you’ve seen first hand unfortunately. Not to mention, unless you tell people all the time, they may assume one way or the other (like, I’m a girl, who is engaged to a guy – so people assume that I’m straight)- hence bi invisibility. It’s a tricky road – thanks for sharing it with us.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=546822961 Martina O’Leary

    Adored this article. Kudos to you for coming out with joyful levity! (Also I don’t think that you were slut-shaming for the record.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=512566407 Laine Leard

    I think y’all are taking this article too seriously. I mean, she’s not hurting anyone or throwing the progress of gay rights back into oblivion, she’s just expressing her journey into “bisexual lesbianism”. And technically she can be both can she not? She likes both, she likes girls. She’s also a comedian, so, keep that in mind.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=500564877 John Duffee

    I’d contend that it definitely is a thing, as never before in my travels through the underworld or overworld of LGBT culture have I encountered the term “bisexual lesbian.” An explanation or at least a hyperlink would have been an addition to this post that would have been appreciated.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1609071863 Alexis Roberts

    Don’t ever listen to anyone who says “You’re confused, you’re in a phase, we don’t want you.”
    I have had that reaction for years. I am openly bi-sexual. I have been with both sexes. In my experience some people will accept it as just a fact. But, several guys I have been around have taken this as code for “I can have a 2nd girlfriend” and several lesbians took it to mean “you will leave me for a guy one day”. That is their issue not mine. And, you have to keep an eye out for that.
    I do agree though… you are not a bisexual Lesbian. The bisexual group is a little bit of a step-child in the LGTB community. People will take that statement and boil that down to lesbian and try to ignore the fact that you like men as well as women.
    Also never stop with the Boobs. It was hilarious and so like a conversation I have had with friends.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=513233923 MegaDith Lo-fi

    Too bad this post doesn’t actually SAY anything. It’s just some girl bragging about her sex life…. Orientation doesn’t even play into this other than she used to sleep with men (apparently, though it’s never stated) and that she likes to say boobs and call herself a lesbian.

    And forget the labels. “Bisexual lesbian”. What crap! Bullshit like that only perpetuates discrimination amongst a community that really needs to start holding each other up for our similarities instead of putting each other down for our differences.

    We love who we love. Leave it at that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508283521 Nicole Monique Barkhurst

    I think its great you are comfortable sharing with everyone who you really are. I realized as a teen that I was bi-sexual but was in denial for many years about it. When I finally accepted that part of myself I felt the need to tell everyone so I understand your need to write this post. I am confused about your term “Bisexual lesbian” though. Does that mean you are more attracted to woman than men?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=636186651 Clare Bamford

      I think what she is possibly trying to say is that she feels more attracted to women at this moment than men. I’ve actually hear some of my friends who identify as bi-sexual use this term.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1319160109 Kaitlin Holzapfel

    You moreso realized something, rather than transforming into something. An invention and discovery are two totally separate things. I do think you are trying to be shocking in a desensitized world. It’s great to be proud of who you are, and I’m glad you wrote this for yourself and for other people to feel empowered. And honestly, I agree with the other negative comments about this article not actually SAYING anything…This really lacks substance and intelligence and reads as a teenager’s Xanga page. No you arent hurting anything, and maybe you are helping a few people…so no harm done, I guess…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002660434841 Jen McCarroll

    It seems to me that people make it their job to be offended by things. If you identify as a bisexual lesbian, then that is what you identify as. What does it matter if others do not agree with the term … it is your sexuality, not theirs.

    Also, boobs.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=507884060 Catherine Jane

    I am really glad hellogiggles is tackling this issue and starting such an important conversation. I’m 30 and in a devoted relationship with a guy and am just coming to terms with liking girls, too. I have never said this to anyone before. A gay guy friend once told me there’s no such thing as being bisexual–you are gay or not. I thought he was the “authority,” but now I see I just have to be who I am and not worry so much what others might think. Thanks for providing the framework for us to discuss this here.

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