Single Girls Guide

Four Weddings and a Meltdown

Nothing makes you take a look at your current relationship status than people around you getting married. One day you’re all high-fiving and living la vida loca together, independent bitches on the prowl. Then all of a sudden, one of your own is all like, “You haven’t purchased anything off my registry yet and the choices are getting down to napkin rings.”And you want to say, “Screw your napkin rings and your happiness, I’ll be sleeping in till twelve tomorrow cause I don’t have to answer to no one!” But once your tantrum is over, you find yourself feeling like maybe it’s time to move on from this kind of behavior.

Someone else’s story always dictates how you feel about your own. The pace they’re setting in their relationship can make you question why yours hasn’t moved as fast, or hasn’t even started. We compare ourselves so much to everyone else and basically live in fear that we’re either missing out on something better or being left behind. I feel like half the people at a wedding are scrutinizing every reason why the couple exchanging rings on the alter will be throwing them at each other within five years accompanied by divorce papers. The other half are trembling with pain and envy that someone up there once again has been given a happy ending, only magnifying her their lack of one. We’re either using someone else’s life to pick it apart and make ours seem better, or propping it up on a pedestal to make us feel inadequate.

You felt fine before the wedding. Content and grounded. But that need to compare ourselves is so strong. It’s almost like we can’t decide if we’re happy or not until we’ve assessed the people around us to see how they’re doing. Then we evaluate if we’ve measured up, if we could consider ourselves worthy. It’s a dangerous game and has the success rate of a dog chasing its tail. The closer you get, the further you get. You know this logically, but that tail is just so close and looks so fun to catch! The best part is that If you were to catch it, you’d be like, “Okay, so I’ve got a bunch of hair between my teeth now and am in an uncomfortable position, this wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.” I may be taking the whole dog and tail reference a little far. You get what I’m saying.

There are a lot of books that say they can tell you the secret to happiness, or that they have the key to keeping a perfect relationship or the path to heaven or the way to get rich, and I know they have good intentions and some of them even have good advice. The downfall is that they make us feel like there is one answer out there for each of our problems, and someone else has it and if we don’t figure out the thing they know that we definitely don’t know, then our whole life is just going to lack meaning. No one has a secret. We all just have opinions. And our opinions are based on our experiences. Which are different than your experiences. And I would say that nine out of ten people I know aren’t secure enough with themselves to actually give real advice that isn’t projecting their own problems onto someone else.

Get your eyes off their plate. No one gets to decide if your life is good or if you are where you were supposed to be at this age. As long as you’re still curious about things and willing to evolve a little, make an adjustment on yourself here and there, you’ll be fine. So, they’re getting married. Or having a baby. Or crazy in love. Well, then it’s their turn to have that, and it’s not taking away anything from you or speeding up any imaginary timeline you’ve decided for yourself. You put it there without reason and you can take it away too. No one else’s story has anything to do with your own. And if they’re uncomfortable with the choices you make, then it’s a bummer that your interesting life is keeping them up at night while you settle into a tantalizing episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and fall asleep with a smile on your face.

Check out the Single Girls Guide live stream every Wednesday at 6pmPST/9pmEST. Erin (@efosta) will answer all of your questions about crushes, love and dating LIVE from the HelloGiggles UStream chat room. Make sure to log on every Wednesday and catch up on any episodes you may have missed.

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