Message to Women from a Man: You are not 'Crazy'

[AshaGalindo]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this, but I read this today and thought it was an appropriate discussion topic for HelloGiggles (or maybe I'm totally wrong). It's a relevant topic for women and since we are mostly, if not all, women I thought of all you guys as I read it.

Onward,
A Message to women from a Man: You are not "crazy".
http://www.imboycrazy.com/2011/12/a-message-to-women-from-a-man-you-are-not-crazy-by-yashar-ali/#.Tt055P_kAeQ.twitter

interesting? Discuss?

[printcards]

This was a really great article! I do believe that it is a wide-spread problem that women's reactions are dismissed as "crazy." This happens from a personal level all the way up through national politics. Think about how many people have a bad opinion of Hillary Clinton because she dares to speak her mind! My first relationship was definitely a gas-lighting situation. The guy would do something horrible, I would tell him I was mad about it, and he would twist it around so that I ended up apologizing. Thankfully I learned from that experience and immediately broke up with the next guy who tried to pull that. I'm now in a great relationship where my boyfriend will always apologize if he's done something inconsiderate rather than tell me I shouldn't care.

I think that women pushing back their feelings also has to do with how our brains are wired. Hormones that shape the female brain make us predisposed to wanting to keep the peace. We're chemically very attune to maintaining relationships, so when we detect something that could harm the relationship we would rather just take the blame and move on. It takes a very long time to unlearn this behavior and not back down when someone is treating you wrong.

[anne]

This was dissected mercilessly on Feministe recently due to his 'tone'. http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2 ... m-a-woman/

[HuckFinn1]

Thanks Asha, for posting the original article, and thank you anne for posting the critique on Feministe. I had somehow missed both.

For some reason I'm uneasy both about the orginal article by Ali, and the dissection on Feministe. I think I agree with the comment made on Feministe about Ali's article that it would have been better if he had addressed his letter to men. It somehow seems condescending for him share his great knowledge with women. That being said, I think the critique on Ali's article is a bit harsh. He provides good information, perhaps the presentation is just off. The writer says she's not trying to discourage Ali or other men from becoming feminists, but I think her attack on his article and men's opinions on female matters is quite the opposite of welcoming.

That's not to say that we shouldn't critique people's opinions, but it needs to come from an academic perspective. The Feministe author seemed to be taking it a little too personal. In my humble opinion.

[printcards]

I feel like the critique is definitely taking it on too personal a level. I mean, I guess it's a personal opinion so it's fine, but basically the only point the person made was "Don't empathize with me- go yell at other people!" I didn't take the article as condescending, but just an attempt to bring attention to the issue and establish himself as someone trying to understand and embrace feminism.

[anne]

I feel like the critique is definitely taking it on too personal a level. I mean, I guess it's a personal opinion so it's fine, but basically the only point the person made was "Don't empathize with me- go yell at other people!" I didn't take the article as condescending, but just an attempt to bring attention to the issue and establish himself as someone trying to understand and embrace feminism.

Yeah. I found it to be a little unforgiving. Some people are only beginning to learn about feminist/women's issues and it does take a while before one 'gets there', so people can't help but tiptoe around these issues and sometimes even feminists.

[anne]

Just read a HG piece that I can't help but relate to this 'mansplaining' issue.
http://hellogiggles.com/kiss-her-dummy- ... ve-in-2012

I know, I know, it's supposed to be this cute, encouraging article, but I have a slight problem with it after having read some of the comments. I understand that the author is coming from a good place, but seeing as how some female commenters reacted, there is a problem. It looks like most girls still think that guys would feel like they're 'easy' if they make the first move. So maybe instead of telling girls to make the first move in 2012 (there's really no need to, since there have been girls making the first move for decades), tell the guys to change how they see it!

What do you think?

[jess]

I feel like the critique is definitely taking it on too personal a level. I mean, I guess it's a personal opinion so it's fine, but basically the only point the person made was "Don't empathize with me- go yell at other people!" I didn't take the article as condescending, but just an attempt to bring attention to the issue and establish himself as someone trying to understand and embrace feminism.

Yeah. I found it to be a little unforgiving. Some people are only beginning to learn about feminist/women's issues and it does take a while before one 'gets there', so people can't help but tiptoe around these issues and sometimes even feminists.

I agree, it's kind of ironic how one of the arguments it's it be better if the wrritter wasn't a man, I think it's too extreme

[Crystal]

This article makes me feel a lot better about A LOT of interactions I have with men. Mainly the fact that I'm a vicitim to this behavior at every turn in my life. Whether I be at home, work or in a social setting, I'm getting told that I'm too sensitive or I over react. I even get this from my mother who has had a lifetime of being treated the same way. I've lost a lot of male friends because of behavior like this. I get a reputation for being "crazy" but really, I stand up to people that use emotional manipulation and as a result I get pushed out of a lot of social cliques that are majority male. Men seem less interested in being around women that are on to their behavior. And honestly, I don't care to be around them. In fact, I joined this forum yesterday simply because I'm looking for a new outlet that is mostly, if not all, women. This website just sort of screams "GIRLS ONLY" and I love it. I just wish the article gave some more advice on what to do to try and stop the behavior or to get men to reconize what they are doing. This is a good story but 85% of the people that will read it will most likely be women. The other 15% will be women that read the article out loud to their boyfriends.

[anne]

I just wish the article gave some more advice on what to do to try and stop the behavior or to get men to reconize what they are doing.

I'm doing some ~research~ on this right now, particularly on what to say when people are being jerks. I find it really hard to get people to hear you when you're saying something that's against their natural behavior. When I find some good articles, I'll post links here!