Ex-Girlfriend drama

[Rumplepumpkin]

Hello Gigglers,

I am in quite the quandry. My boyfriend of nearly a year and a half and I went to a wedding last weekend. At the wedding it became apparent that my boyfriend's best friend was dating my boyfriend's ex girlfriend. My boyfriend and this woman dated for 6 years! She cheated on him multiple times, and throughout his friend was a good supportive friend, and listener.
At the wedding they both tried to conceal the fact that they were seeing each other. The best friend's sister mentioned how wonderful her brother's girlfriend was by accident making it obvious that they have been seeing each other for a couple of months. Just the week prior my boyfriend had gone out to lunch with his friend and the top of the ex had come up. His friend mentioned that said woman and he had been "hanging out" while not too unusual because this entire group have known each other since highschool my boyfriend then asked, "Oh? How is she?" to which his friend replied, "She's great" and then the subject changed. My boyfriend is clearly hurt that it was not mentioned that they were dating and then at the wedding it was awkward as both of them tried to pretend that they weren't actually an item.

Here is my question:

My boyfriend is really hurt and wants to drop his good friendship with his friend completely and just ignore him. I am feeling so confused about all of this. Should I be taking it personally that my boyfriend is so upset that his friend is dating his ex? I am so upset that all of our friends participated in making it seem like they weren't actually dating. I want to encourage him to talk to his friend who is also my friend, but he is totally against it. How can I move forward from this while at the same time being supportive of my boyfriend. What do I do?

[beccAdrienne]

I'd say it's probably more his friend keeping it from him that hurt, more than them actually dating. Also if she cheated on him a lot maybe he's worried that she'll do the same to his friend, or is feeling insecure and thinking "why did she cheat on me but not him, what does he have that I don't, why can she be faithful to him and not me?" It's probably making him doubt himself.

I think you probably need to give him time to come to terms with it and for the time being maybe it's best to let him distance himself from this friend, but don't let it happen forever. Maybe suggest them talking in a few weeks or so and just be really supportive. I wouldn't take it personally, like I said it's probably him doubting himself.

Really think your best bet is to let him get his head round it, and maybe ask your friends why they felt the need to be so dishonest, what did they think it would achieve? And try not to let any more friendships be permanently ruined.

[Libraries]

I'd say it's probably more his friend keeping it from him that hurt, more than them actually dating.

I doubt it. either way it's totally messed up. he made his bed and now he has to sleep in it. the guy should totally ditch his friend.

[Thundramay]

I think it is pretty messed up of the friend to do that. Your boyfriend is probably really upset with his friend for keeping it from him, and he should definitely talk to him. His friend might know he's hurting him but won't know his exact feelings unless your boyfriend expresses them to him. If he's still upset after he's talked to the friend then my only conclusion would be that he still has feelings for this girl. But keep in mind that is only MY conclusion.

Either way he should definitely talk to his friend. Nothing is going to happen if he doesn't say anything. Hopefully he's just upset his friend kept it from him.