"the one"

[0_hallia_0]

So there's this guy I met about 4-5 months ago. I was initially attracted to him, but he has a girlfriend, so I dismissed and/or halted any possible feelings. But lately we've been getting closer. I'd say we're best friends right now. Something just clicked with us, and it's amazing. Except for the one thing - he HAS a girlfriend.

Over the past two weeks especially - we've been spending an incredible amount of time together - it feels like every waking moment he's not busy with things like work, etc. So of course I'm falling, and I'm falling hard. There is no question that I am falling in love with him. And this would be amazing, except for his girlfriend.

I know he has feelings for me. He does - there's no question. What they are exactly, I don't know - but there are definitely feelings.

Now I've tried talking to a friend about this and she just said patience. Patience, patience, patience. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. And part of me is 100% faithful in that. But it's hard.

And especially with how flirtatious we are together. When we're hanging out together people are essentially telling him what a catch I am - (strangers, bar tenders, people I met playing racquet ball, etc) - I wonder what he thinks when he hears those things.

Now if everything was perfect - I would truly believe he feels the same way I do about him. But he's conflicted. He's been dating this girl for, I think, 4 years. That's a really long time. But they got together young. So maybe they've grown apart? I don't know. He certainly spends more time with me than her. But maybe nothing's "wrong" per say - so he can't validate just throwing away 4 years with a great girl. And I wouldn't want him to. Not unless he was breaking up with HER. Not leaving her for me. I feel like that's not a good way to start a relationship. What's to stop him from leaving me for another girl? Ya know?

*SIGH*. So I mean, here's the kicker. They say you know when you've found "the one." And I think I know. There's only a doubt in my mind because he's not available. Maybe it's soon and maybe I'm just caught up with the rush of feeling in love - but don't worry I'm not going to do anything rash. I just really think he might be it.

So what do I do? Patience - yes. But I need advice. Or your thoughts. Or comments. Anything. It's tough - but I'm just so happy...I have never enjoyed spending time with someone so much in my entire life. So yeah - this is hard...it's also hard not to forget he has a girlfriend sometimes. He doesn't act like it. He NEVER mentions her. Last time I heard him talk about her was about 2-3 months ago when a mutual friend specifically asked about it - and even then he barely said anything. AGH. I just need someone else's take on the situation. Thank you so much. *mwah*

~S~

[anacinforheadaches]

I think you give yourself the best advice you just need to let go of the antsy/anxiousness and wait it out. I don't think you really need to flat out say how you are feeling right now, if you are spending the time together that you are and feeling as close as you are then he should know that on his own. Saying it just might make him feel pressured to make a decision and it may not end up being the one he would have made on his own. Waiting really sucks but if you really are meant to be together and he is the one then he will come to you and make the choice on his own. You deserve someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them.

You DON"T want to do anything when you are with him that's planned or in the heat of the moment that undermines the fact that he is in a relationship. Someone who does anything physically emotionally etc over the line will probably do it again later in life..possibly to you. You don't want to end up in one of those cliche "he says he will leave her he has to find the right time and that time never comes" relationships.

I hope everything works out for you!

[Truan]

I think you're being really resposible about this. Like anacinforheadaches said, you've given yourself the best advice.

Also, I was in this kind of situation a 13 months ago, except I was the one with the boyfriend who met a guy that was just wonderful. And the more I got to know him, the more I realized how unhappy I was in my current 7 year relationship (we'd been together since I was 15). Although, we were having other problems, and I hadn't been happy for a while, so it wasn't all because of my new interest.
We didn't spend too much time together, but emailed and talked occasionally at work; but even if we had spent more time together, I still wouldn't have done something in the heat of the moment that I'd later regret. I wanted to start on a clean slate.

Now it's coming up to mine and my boyfriend's one year relationship, and I couldn't be happier. I believe I've found "the one" and I'm so glad I met him, and had the courage to do something about it.

If it's meant to be, then it will. We overcame a few hurdles to get to where we are, but it was worth it.

So if you feel that strongly about this guy, and you think he might too then he will probably come to it on his own.

Good luck! Keep us updated!

[our-eternity]

Well, you're being incredibly responsible about it, like others said. It's a really messed up situation, but if he likes you and spends more time with you than his girlfriend, then his relationship with his girlfriend is probably not going so well - regardless of your existence in his life. Even if he does leave his girlfriend 'for you', it isn't really because of you, he would have done it sooner or later with any other girl he likes. Relationships are hard to maintain, four years is a long time.

Patience is indeed what is required of you, and low expectation too. He might be conflicted about his relationship with his girlfriend because of his feelings for you, but you can't really know what he feels for his girlfriend. So just wait, see where it goes, he might leave her, he might decide to try and work on their relationship. If he leaves her (or she leaves him) I think you should still wait for a while until things get cooler. You don't wanna end up being his rebound. I'm sure that even if he's not in love with her anymore, he still loves her.

Just be patient, but don't hold back because of him, if you find another opportunity, go for it sis!

[0_hallia_0]

Thank you, anacinforheadaches, Truan, and our-eternity. It means a lot that you took the time to respond. I'll definitely keep you all in the loop if anything happens or doesn't happen. It's all up in the air at this point. <3 Thanks again,

~S~