Long distance relationships

[paperdoll]

Hello

I was wondering if anyone here has been in a long distance relationship or could offer some advice on how to cope with them. Some of you may remember I posted back in January for relationship advice about getting back together with my ex-boyfriend. Well that's weird to say because we did get back together so he is my boyfriend now going on 5 months July 1st. Now that we we've sorted out our past problems and misunderstandings our relationship is stronger than ever before and on a new level of intimacy.

He graduated college at the end of may so we've been long distance since we left school. I'm home for the summer with my parents because I have one year of college left and he is staying at his sisters a few states away until he finds a job and can establish himself. We text every day and skype every few days and we've been doing well but its hard. Long distance has its downfalls with empty beds and miscommunications. We finally got to see each other for the first time since we've been apart last weekend which was amazing but harder when I got home without him. And it takes some adapting to see each other for limited periods of time. We don't have an ideal situation of visiting each other because I live with my parents, he is only a guest at his sister's, and he sold his car to pay for school. We figure out ways to make it work but we can't see each other often for now.

We are committed to each other and I'm hoping he'll get a job and his own place in the city a couple hours away so he can visit me at school and vice versa every other weekend maybe. That would be ideal but the reality is some of the job opportunities could be across the country. Between both dating periods we've only been together about 9 months but we've been getting to know each other for two years which has continually contributed to our relationship. I want to be strong and get through this period because I want our relationship to continue to grow. But it is difficult with so many uncertainties about where he will get a job and move to and where I will go and do when I graduate college. What can I/we do to survive this better?

[Oogolly]

I know exactly what you're going through, and its pretty tough. The first year of my now husband and I's relationship was all long distance, he moved away to college and it was rough i saw him maybe once a month if that. I would say that having open communication is key to having a long distance relationship, tell each other you miss each other, text, skype, phone calls, and good ol' aim to chat. After that year my husband moved back to town but that doesn't mean we lived together or that we got to see one another all the time, he was still almost two hours away from me and with school, work, and life it was still difficult but we made it work for 5 years actually and in our 6th year we got married! We appreciate one another so much now, and we dont take anything for granted because of our experiences. I will say that when you do see him dont spend that time being down about not ever seeing one another, just enjoy each other in that moment and have fun so you have fun times to think about when you guys are so far away. Never leave on sad note! I always made sure that when we left each other we left on a happy terms with smiles on our faces because we knew that times flies and we'll see each other again, so we'd joke around or just be silly and had the " until we meet again.." attitude! I really hope that everything works itself out for you two :]

[Ameliesnow]

Hey!
I think every girl who has been in a long-term relationship sympathises with how you feel. It's really hard not being able to see the person you really want to be with, and I don't think "absence makes the heart grow fonder", on the contrary I think it makes girls' hearts grow colder and more in need of reassurance. I've been in a long-term relationship too and we decided that we were better off apart in January this year. I think it's all dependent upon how much you really want to be with him... I mean, it's going to be hard work and you'll miss each other but if you're optimistic you can look forward to the future when you'll find out if it is truly worth it!!
Personally, I find travelling exhausting (and I live in England... My journey was a meagre 2 hours!) and it took a toll on my mindset whilst in the relationship. If you love someone it's exciting to travel, but I think the distance can snub out any infatuation.
The good thing about modern life is technology and whilst you have the ability to text/skype/phone call you will never feel that distant from anybody. But technology can only go so far, and you may end up feeling more alone as a consequence. Sitting at the computer may be robbing you of the 'prime of your life', and you could be out riding bikes in 1920's style, holding hands and skimming stones together (or something less sickening).
I think it all depends on how much you think he is worth it.
Good luck!

A xxx

[Devonisonfire]

I was in a long-distance for four years. (We broke up in January, but it wasn't due to the distance.)

It did get pretty tough at times, but it helps to remember that you value your time together a lot more when you do get it.

[FreyaXoxo7]

Oh my gracious I HATE having a long distance relationship. Here's my story:

Jake and I went to high school together but I don't remember him (I guess he let me cheat off his spanish papers, which sounds about right). I went to college in my home state (Oregon) and he went away for school (Ohio). After about two years, he popped up in the "People you may know" section on FB. I added him and we started chatting. I remembered who he was just not any personal interactions. Over the next two years he became kind of my best friend. Because he wasn't around and wasn't connected to anyone in my life, I really enjoyed the late night spill-all-the-juicy-secrets-because-this-kinda-doesn't-seem-real thing.

But, alas, we developed feelings for each other. After a horrific back and forth between him and another guy (whom I went for over Jake and ended getting chlamydia and my heart broken after a year) I called Jake and we decided we should just suck it up and be together since we were both miserable. Of course there's more sappy details but I'll spare He had signed with a company straight from college which would require him to move from Ohio to Connecticut and not back to the West Coast. I made the decision that I was going with him.

The next year was absolute torture. Here I was stuck living with my parents again, working two jobs 7 days a week to make money to save to move with and he was finishing his senior year, 2,000 miles away going to parties and enjoying college (like I already had done but it still wasn't fair!). There were time when he wouldn't answer my calls for DAYS and I'd have to stalk him through Facebook check-ins from his friends (it sounds shady but he's just the kinda guy who never cares where his phone is and most of the time it's lost). We'd skype every once in a while but it was really hard. I cried a lot. He sent me a lot of flowers.

Now we've been living together going on two years. Going from long distance to an 800 square foot apartment was a whole OTHER barrel of issues but my point is this: if it's meant to be, it will be. Long distance is really, really hard but if you both see the importance in being with each other, you'll be fine. Don't be clingy, I made that mistake. Don't worry about what he's doing or you'll never develop trust. Cute text messages pretty much got me through it. That and the daily photo. I made him send me a picture every morning so I could see him. It makes all the time you spend together SO much better.

I wish all ladies in long distance relationships good luck. I'm sorry this is a long post but I just moved to a new city and don't really have people to talk to yet so I'm super into blogging....

[Spasian]

I'm in a long distance relationship. How we met is very geeky. We met through a mutual friend playing Call of Duty on Xbox LIVE. We live 3hrs away from each other. 4 or 5hrs depending on traffic. It will be 4 yrs this August 28th and we're getting married this coming September. Then it's off to Hawaii for the Honey Moon!!! I'm TOTALLY swimming with some Dolphins!!! Sorry, I'm a wee bit excited.

Anyhoo, technology has definitely helped with our relationship. Lots of phone calls, text messages, playing video games, and watching tv/movies together via Xbox LIVE(Thank you Netflix streaming). Communication and understanding was key in our relationship. Even if it's just a quick text saying I'm thinking of you and understanding that people get busy and can't return every text or phone call right away.

Long distance relationships are not for everyone and they are tough, but if you're or the other person is worth it then you make it work.

~Michelle

[LucyH]

I wish I had some advice for you but actually I'm looking for them myself. I met this cute guy when I was on holiday. I live in Holland, he lives in Wales, so that's like three countries away! We text a lot but of course this isn't going to work this way... What should I do? I really really like him!