Champagne Problems Flakey Flakey, Eggs and Bakey JC Coccoli

Hey there, cookies. Get ready for a good ole fashioned love tap to your flakey face. Am I referring to your skin? Hecks no. I’m no Noxzema model (remember Noxzema?!). What I am referring to is the classic case of “Say you’re going to be there, then don’t show” or perhaps “No call. No text. No bueno?” Or my personal favorite “Right as I find a parking spot, minutes before the time we’ve agreed to meet,  everyone’s looking at me sitting alone at a table for two because you…FLAKE.”

Yeesh cupcakes, it wouldn’t kill you to keep your word. Time is money and money is, er, power? I don’t know the saying, but I’m sure Beyonce has something better. We all have unexpected events happen in our lives. That is 100% Truth Town USA. If you have a baby and he’s teething (They do that right? Teeth? I don’t have a baby or a boyfriend) you might end up having to cancel happy-hour-girl-talk-time to stay in and watch him chew on rubber duckies. Or maybe you’re engrossed in the season finale of LOST, which thereby makes you lose track of time and you can’t make that puppeteer class you oddly enough committed to (my life is the weirdest).

Here’s what I’ve gathered: “Flaking” happens in the heat of your happiest moments when you become a “Yes Man/Woman.” A person that wants to agree with something that sounds perfecto at the time, but when you settle your senses, life smacks you in the nose hairs with the reality that you will not show. There I said it. Hey, I am on board with your disappearing act because just like you, I make plans (mostly after a gin and tonic, or four) and say things like “Absolutely, I’ll go to Disneyland. I’ll quit my day job, get a giant turkey leg, and I’ll even buy all the tickets!” Only to awaken the next morning with six missed calls and a text that reads “Mickey Mouse will never forgive you for flaking. P.S you owe me a giant turkey leg.” Eh, boy.

Let’s remedy your tarnished reputation today by doing one simple thing: Be Honest. With the person you’ve made plans with and with yourself. I ain’t yo momma, but I swear these word vegetables I’m giving you are super delicious.  No friend of yours is going to take a sword to your face if you look them in the eye and say, “You know, I can’t commit to anything right now, but I will let you know, when I know, you know?”  All you have to do is make an effort this summer to be realistic about your plan making and kazow, your friends are happy and you are no longer disappointing people via text. You are popular and people like you. And, that’s the jam! But trust me, that jam will fade if you keep being that bozo that bails on your buds. Now, send that apology text to Mickey Mouse and I’ll see you at yoga tomorrow, right?… Right?

Image via Brainless Tales



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  1. this is phenomenal. thanks for saying what needs to be said!

  2. I love this! I just wish more of my friends read this because, inevitably, they end up flaking on me at the last second and it pisses me off so much, especially if we’ve planned far in advance

  3. “I ain’t yo momma, but I swear these word vegetables I’m giving you are super delicious.”

  4. I totally agree with this! I have a friend who flakes out to the extent that we’re surprised if she does, indeed, decide to show up. Not that this makes her awful, she’s a great friend when she’s around. Just wish that was more often. Maybe I’ll show this to her!!

  5. I love everyone on this comment threat. EVERYONE.

  6. love.

  7. I don’t mind so much when the person tells me they can’t come even if I am already there. I get mad when they don’t tell me and I sit waiting for them for ages and then they never show.

  8. This I love.