Five Ways Something Ruined My LifeFive Ways ‘Veronica Mars' Ruined My LifeErin Mallory Long

Three words: Veronica. Mars. MovieThatI’mSoExcitedForICan’tStandIt.

Okay, but seriously. Something insane happened last week involving my beloved Veronica Mars and it made me realize I needed to write my column this week on that show. I’ve briefly touched upon Veronica Mars before but now’s the time to really get into yet another beloved show of mine that only survived three seasons (I’m looking at you, Arrested Development).

Now, admittedly, I’m part of the problem. I’m sorry. I didn’t START watching Veronica Mars until it was finishing. I blame this partly on being in college when it premiered and just not being up-to-date on new shows (I also WAS in Dublin for the fall of 2004 so cut me a little slack). But the point is, I’m now on board and I’m now in love.

Obviously the center of Veronica Mars is Kristen Bell, who, as a result of this show, I totally think I’m close friends with. (Side bar: I actually met Kristen Bell once through work and she convinced me to get a gel manicure kit for my home and she was right and now I love her even more.)

Also, if you’ve watched Party Down you’ve met like, a LOT of the Veronica Mars cast so you can experience the reverse OMG joy that I experienced.

Here are five ways Veronica Mars ruined my life:

1. I Obviously Want to be a P.I.

How can you not come away from a series about a teen girl helping her Private Investigator father without thinking YOU could be solving cases?

They literally have a P.I. database to just search for…anything. She has the best after school job I’ve ever heard of, she gets to save the day ALL the time, she has cool cameras to spy on people, she’s too smart for her own good and, most importantly, she can use her powers to get back at jerk boyfriends.

Since I used to keep a diary of “strange occurrences” I can only imagine what my life would have been like had I been 12 while watching Veronica Mars.

Probably about the same as me being 23 while watching it.

2. Made Me Feel Like I Was Being Reunited With Old Friends

I mean, really! As I said, there is a Veronica Mars reunion every second of Party Down but there are also so many old friends within Veronica Mars.

I was a huge fan of Just Shoot Me! (My brother and I used to act out this one scene from Cheri Oteri’s appearance on the show that still sends me into fits of laughter. And I still can’t eat a chicken pot pie without seeing this video in my head.) So basically seeing Enrico Colantoni as Keith Mars in this was like some kind of heaven to me. I always loved him on Just Shoot Me! and this was just a perfect addition to my love for him.

I also loved when Tina Majorino showed up and I got to say, “oh my god, the little girl from Andre?!?!” And I do love seeing her on Grey’s Anatomy nowadays. Then you throw in Buffy kids, Charisma Carpenter and Alyson Hannigan and I’m sold.

But the kicker for me was Ken Marino. I was already deeply in love with him from his performance as Professor David Wilder on Dawson’s Creek. So seeing him as Vinnie Van Lowe pretty much solidified my love for him.

ken marino veronica mars

And, spoiler alert, I saw him on the street in L.A. once and almost fell out of my chair. So good to know that I’m a normal, rational human with normal, reasonable responses to celebrities who I don’t know.

3. Wish I Could Put My Sarcasm to Good Use

I mean, Veronica Mars is smart. You know? She’s legitimately intelligent and perceptive and very very sarcastic. And I can respect that. I think I’m pretty smart…sometimes, but I KNOW I can be sarcastic. So I am constantly jealous of Veronica’s ability to be sarcastic and hilarious and win every argument or conversation with my cleverness. All I can do is make people say, “oh, someone’s feeling feisty today.”

Veronica Mars Kristen Bell

Here are some awesome Veronica lines for your enjoyment:

Logan: Do you even know how to play poker?
Veronica: No, but it must be really hard if all you guys play.

——–

Keith: So how was your date?
Veronica: Oh, you know. Lousy conversation, but the sex was fantastic!
Keith: That’s not funny.
Veronica: I don’t know. I’m pretty sure it was.

——

Veronica: J. Geils was right. Love stinks. You can dress it up in sequins and shoulder pads, but one way or another, you’re just gonna end up alone at the spring dance strapped in uncomfortable underwear.

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  1. Veronica mi ha insegnato ad essere sarcastica al giusto modo :D
    Ormai mi viene naturale…
    Amo questa serie tv, e amo l’idea che adesso stiano riprendendo i lavori, per avere finalmente il film che dia una conclusione alla storia.
    ‘Nothing it’s over until it’s over!’

  2. I’ve loved Ken Marino since The State! And that chicken pot pie song has haunted me for years, I sing it all the time, and now I finally know where I got it from! Thank you. For this list is my list, too.

  3. Agh! Too many amazing lines from Veronica Mars to choose from!
    Veronica: It’s all fun and games until one of you gets my foot up your ass.

    Veronica: Shut up. If I want you to speak, I’ll wave a snausage in front of your nose.

    Wallace: Oh, you don’t even want to mess with me on that today. I just about murked my mom’s lazy no-rent-paying tenant this afternoon.
    Veronica: That guy is sleazy. So I hope murked means something bad.

    Veronica: No one likes a blonde in a hamster ball.

    Logan: I thought our story was epic, you know, you and me.
    Veronica: Epic how?
    Logan: Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed. EPIC. But summer’s almost here, and we won’t see each other at all. And then you leave town… and then it’s over.
    Veronica: Logan…
    Logan: I’m sorry about last summer. You know, if I could do it over…
    Veronica: Come on. Ruined lives? Bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?
    Logan: No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.

  4. You like Veronica Mars, Arrested Development, The Simpsons and Friends? I think you are my TV BFF. Also, so jealous you’ve met Kristen Bell.

  5. Without question, Veronica said some of the best sarcastic lines ever and Kristen Bell’s delivery of them put them out of the park. However, we should not overlook the work of Logan. Whether during his time as friend or foe, his sarcasm and wit, in my opinion, was perfectly complimentary to Little Miss Mars. I’ve included only two of his best, but there are many more that could be added to make this point.

    Veronica: “Look at you, all helpful.”
    Logan: “Hey, your peskiness being unleashed on Conner brings me joy. Annoy, tiny blonde one, annoy like the wind!”
    &
    Teacher: “You know the glow of your father’s wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school, Mr. Echolls. But do you know what it will get you in the real world?”
    Logan, while putting his hands together and looking upward, as though praying: “Please say high school English teacher, please say high school English teacher.”

    In all honesty, though, perhaps the best line ever by Logan wasn’t sarcastic at all, but simply a statement that came from his heart. Speaking to Veronica, he said, “I can’t take that I hurt you when all I want to do is protect you.”
    Powerful.

  6. Yes to all of this! I have all the seasons on an external hard drive on my desk at work and pretty much anytime I see a mention of the show I think, I should probably just rewatch the whole show right now… so looks like that’s what I’ll be starting today :)

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