Five Ways Something Ruined My Life

Five Ways The Oscars Have Ruined My Life

The first Academy Award ceremony I remember being intensely invested in was in 1998. Let’s do the math. I was in 8th grade and the big movie of the previous year was Titanic. . . To say I was excited about an event where Titanic and Leo would be heavily featured is an understatement of, excuse me, TITANIC proportions (nailed it). I distinctly remember watching the ceremony alone in the living room (no one else in my family was interested) and running up two flights of stairs to tell my dad, “Hey, Titanic won something again!” repeatedly throughout the night.

I think that really started my borderline obsession with the Oscars. I already loved watching movies (and went on to film school) so it made sense to love a ceremony where all you do is honor movies. I may not always agree with them (who does) but I love the EVENT of it all and I love an excuse to get dressed up and yell at the TV and mock the ridiculous gowns actresses wear.

Here are five ways the Oscars have ruined my life:

1. I Obsess Over Seeing Every Nominated Movie

Sometimes I get a little obsessed with things.

Okay, always.

But I especially get obsessed with things that I can tick off a list. Gimme a to-do list, and I’m set! Each year, I basically see the Oscar noms as one big to-do list that I get to check off (in crayon, usually).

(My collection of Oscar ballots/check off lists since 2006)

There have been years where my husband and I (he’s involved in this, too) have seen MULTIPLE double features just to get all the movies in before the ceremony. My favorite was when we saw Dreamgirls followed by Children of Men in one night. Last year we saw 127 Hours and Blue Valentine as a double feature. And then we cried ourselves to sleep.

But what about movies we just don’t really feel like we want to see? That’s where the obsession kicks in. We made ourselves watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons just for the ceremony, we once watched United 93 directly before our party started just to get it in (not a great movie to see right before having a party) and we definitely saw Letters From Iwo Jima in the theater despite having no desire to see it at all (just not something I’d rush to go see).

This year we’re not doing as well but maybe that’s just a sign of maturity and not needing to put unnecessary pressure on myself to see movies I don’t want to see.

That, or, I’m just too focused on drinking at the party this year to care.

2. I Feel Like I NEED To Throw a Ridiculous Theme Party

(Cookies from Oscars 2011 – hint, the sad guy in the center who only has one cookie arm is for 127 Hours)

I love a good themed party. I like planning snacks, drinks, decorations, outfits, everything! The Oscars are probably the best for theme parties (in my opinion).  We’ve done cookies/cupcakes for guests to decorate for their favorite movies. When Avatar was nominated a friend brought deviled eggs where the whites were dyed BLUE to be Na’vi eyes and we did Black Velvets (Guinness and champagne – it’s really good) for Black Swan last year.


We do ballots for a dollar, sometimes there’s very specific Oscar trivia brought by our friend Dan and people are always encouraged to bring themed snacks.

(The aforementioned Dan made these fantastic pens – I can’t take credit)

We spend DAYS, (well, WEEKS, even), thinking about this one party and planning out what food or drinks can work for what movie (not to mention the hours it takes for us to make the apartment suitable for guests and then the inevitable post-party clean up). Most of my time is spent obsessing over what ridiculously fancy dress I’m going to wear to a party in my own apartment where I’m usually not wearing shoes or a bra. (Keeping in mind the BFF and I are the ONLY ones who ever get dressed up)

(You can’t see it but no one else is wearing a dress or heels)

This year, I want to hang these posters everywhere.

Also, I’ll be wearing the dress in the main photo of this post. Oscar’d!

3. I Put Too Much Stake In a Silly Awards Show

The main problem inherent in caring about the Oscars this much is you inadvertently put a lot of stake in them as an award ceremony. History proves that this is not always the best idea. Sometimes (okay, always) they make mistakes.

Unless you hate the Oscars (or don’t go on the internet – ha!) I’m sure you’ve seen this detailing the demographic breakdown of Oscar voters. If that doesn’t prove I shouldn’t care what the outcome of this award show is, I don’t know what does.

But I still do.

Some people may react to a movie they love (or hate) losing (or winning) with a calm, normal, well-who-cares-how-does-this-affect-me-really attitude.

I am not one of those people.

I actively get into fights (maybe after some wine) about winners and losers. (I guess this is how people who are into sports feel about their teams). Maybe I am just really supportive of a movie because of a particular actor or writer or director. Maybe I just really hate something else because I ASSUME it’s stupid or hate so-and-so.

For instance, say I’m obsessed with Meryl Streep (I am). And say someone else is maybe obsessed with Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Then, let’s say, maybe, while watching the Golden Globes this year I accidentally yell at my friend hosting a GG party that, “BUT IT’S OKAY, MERYL HAS NEVER WON AN OSCAR IN MY LIFETIME. ISN’T THAT INSANE?!?!” When she said that she was really into Rooney Mara.

MAYBE that happened. And maybe it’ll happen again at the Oscars this year. But come on, Ms. Streep needs more Oscars. It’s insane!

4. I Have Lost Years Off My Life

As with most things I obsess about, the crux of the issue is the amount of energy I expend on something that really shouldn’t matter that much.

Between watching all the nominees and keeping track of what ones we’ve seen, planning a party and getting ready for it and then watching the broadcast and trying to figure out what to be mad about . . .I have probably lost YEARS of my life to thinking about the Oscars.

And that is really upsetting when you think about it.

5. Brought THIS PHOTO Into My Life

I mean, I’m sorry, but for this photo alone the Oscars have completely ruined my life.

This is, hands down, my favorite Oscar look on anyone, ever. (Michelle, obviously).

And looking at this photo and their faces just does things to my insides that I can’t even cope with. Love.

I think I’ll get over my obsession with CARING about the Oscars but I don’t think I’ll ever get over wanting to throw theme parties. It’s too fun and, come on, I don’t follow football so this is my Super Bowl.

(Heath & Michelle pic from here.)

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