Today is Star Wars Day! So, firstly, May the 4^th be with you! It’s finally time to discuss Star Wars. (Now, I want to be clear that when I am talking about Star Wars, I’m only talking about the original trilogy . . . and let’s just leave it at that.)

I used to spend weekends watching the entire original trilogy with my brother, obsessively, and then watching them all over again from the beginning. I don’t know when this became a thing we did but I just know that it was always something we’ve done together. My love for Star Wars manifests itself in many ways in my life, not limited to photos like this:

I desperately want my nails painted like these R2D2 nails and am in love with my Star Wars moleskine. I now live in a land where, in my living room I can look in any direction and see at least 7 Star Wars-themed objects, not including my Blu-rays or DVDs. Almost every show I love has made reference to Star Wars at one point or another (right now, even, I’m watching the season 3 premiere of Friends which is called “The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy”).

Here are some of the reasons Star Wars ruined my life:

1. I Desperately Wish I Had Force Powers

I mean, sure, in general, I wanted to be a Jedi. (Even though, to quote my dream man Han Solo, “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.”) But the Force is the best part.

Sure, being able to sense a disturbance in the Force is cool, and definitely useful when you have a lot of enemies. The ability to wave your hand and completely brainwash people would probably have its uses as well (even if it doesn’t work on overweight mob bosses). But mostly I’m just interested in the telekinesis stuff. Oh no, I’m trapped upside-down in an ice cave with a crazy Yeti creature, let me use the Force to grab my lightsaber so I can escape.

Amazing.

Perhaps this is just super laziness on my part (since primarily I get reminded of my lack of telekinetic powers when my television remote is just barely out of reach) but I think I’d actually get a lot more done in my life if I could just use the Force.

2. I’m Jealous of People With Long Lost Siblings

I just have one younger brother but always wanted a ton more. Maybe because my dad is the oldest of 6 or maybe because of TV shows and movies. But since I knew I wouldn’t suddenly wake up with 4 additional siblings, then I thought, “Hey, maybe I have a long lost sibling somewhere.”

This usually happens with twins, obviously (The Parent Trap, Sister Sister, etc). I was pretty sure I didn’t want to find a girl who looked exactly like me BUT once I watched Star Wars I thought, “Ohhhh, maybe it’s a long lost twin but it’s a boy.”

Jackpot.

Obviously I wasn’t thinking about the actual implausibility of this situation, but it still seemed pretty cool at the time. Like when Leia explains to Han, “No, like, I love Luke because he’s my brother, duh.” And you’re like, hmm, Luke didn’t seem to feel that special twin bond with you when he was so happy you kissed him to make Han jealous on Hoth. Oh well.

I’m still looking for that long lost sibling. Hopefully we’ll discover we’re related because we both realize we’ve been obsessively hoping for a long lost sibling for our entire lives.

3. I’m Running Out Of Money Feeding My Star Wars Paraphernalia Habit

Remember how I said 7 things were near me that were Star Wars themed? Well, there’s a lot more in our entire apartment. My husband and I have had entire years where for each other’s birthday we just exchange Star Wars items. A (very) recent Saturday, we found ourselves wandering in Manhattan and I suggested we go to FAO Schwartz.

Cut to the end of the day, we’re back at home, sitting on the floor putting together a Lego Millennium Falcon while drinking beer and watching Happy Endings because we are adults and can spend our money on whatever we want.

I was curious as to how much stuff we actually had and put it all together for the below photo: 

This is not including the Lego Millenniun Falcon, or a new Empire Strikes Back shirt I bought or a Mucha-inspired Princess Leia print that I have yet to get framed.

I can’t be around any Star Wars stuff without thinking, “Hmm I probably need to buy that.” It’s a serious problem.

We have pancake molds, sandwich cutters, posters, a Princess Leia bobble head, ornaments, a cross-stitch I made, playing cards, a Death Star cookie jar, among many other things. And yes, I wear a bathing suit that looks like R2D2 to the beach.

4. The Princess Leia Problem

Oh sigh.

As you may have guessed from my love of The Princess Bride, I am obsessed with ridiculously long hair. Now finally, with Princess Leia, I had a brunette who I could get behind. (This was before Belle from Beauty and the Beast, of course). But I didn’t like just any old princess. I like the ones with some sarcasm and some fight to them.

Enter Princess Leia.

She gets some amazing little quips throughout the trilogy like, “Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?” and doesn’t just sit around waiting to be rescued. She’s commanding and a little abrasive and totally unwilling to admit she likes Han (even though she totally does!). She is a girl after my own heart and I desperately wanted to be her.

Luckily, as I’ve been saying, as an adult you can do whatever you want so I finally got together a Princess Leia Halloween costume a few years ago. Too bad my hair wasn’t 8 feet long.

My Princess Leia obsession even spills over into an obsession with Carrie Fisher herself. There was a time when the two movie quotes I had in my AIM profile were said by Carrie Fisher:

Princess Leia: Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking Nerf herder.

Han Solo: Who’s scruffy-looking?

AND from When Harry Met Sally . . .

Marie: All I’m saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don’t get him first, somebody else will, and you’ll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.

5. And Then, The Han Solo Problem

So who is the perfect counterpart to a tough cookie Princess? Clearly, a handsome scoundrel.

I mean, I don’t know how much I can say about Han Solo that hasn’t already been said before but he’s perfect. I know it’s a huge cliché to be into guys who are jerks. I get it.

But there’s a reason jerk guys get the girls all the time. It’s that confidence and awesomeness and handsomeness rolled all into one. And it doesn’t hurt that this jerk is played by young Harrison Ford.

Han Solo: Uh, everything’s under control. Situation normal.
Voice: What happened?
Han Solo: Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh… everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here now, thank you. How are you?
Voice: We’re sending a squad up.
Han Solo: Uh, uh… negative, negative. We had a reactor leak here now. Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Large leak, very dangerous.
Voice: Who is this? What’s your operating number?
Han Solo: Uh…
[Han shoots the intercom]
Han Solo: Boring conversation, anyway. LUKE, WE’RE GONNA HAVE COMPANY!

And obviously, when my husband and I had to come up with what to engrave our wedding rings with, we landed on “I love you” and “I know” for his and mine, respectively.

(All photos either mine or screengrabs from my DVDs)