Five Ways Something Ruined My Life

Five ways ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer' ruined my life

In honor of the show’s 18th anniversary today, we’re bringing back this ode to our undying love for ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer.’ 

Sorry Kristy Swanson fans, this is about the TV show, not the movie from 1992 (I know you’re crying now and for that, I apologize.)

I start watching Buffy when it premiered in 1997 and watched through the first 4 seasons as they aired. I eventually stopped watching it (until recently, but we’ll come back to that) but a bunch of adults I knew kept watching it through the end. So it would become this awkward thing of, “Hey Teen Erin, did you see that crazy episode of Buffy last night?” And I’d have to say in response, “No, sorry, Adult, I stopped watching that vampire show because I have play rehearsal every night.” So it was only a few years ago (at the insistence of some friends) that I started completely re-watching (and subsequently dragging my husband with me) and finally got to finish watching the series. And boy, was I hooked.

It took maybe 3 minutes for me to remember why I watched the show in the first place and then it just kept coming. And you know what? I don’t care about the weird stuff. I don’t. The Dawn Stuff doesn’t bother me at all (that season 5 finale gets me every single time), and I don’t care that it just goes totally off the rails eventually (come on, you know what I mean). I’m with them all the time. I want to be best friends with Willow and to have dated Angel and have Xander be in love with me and secretly date Spike later on and have a great mentor (and friend) in Giles. I really do.

This show ruined my pre-teen and teen years and then came back to ruin my adult years. I can’t escape it. So for that, here are five ways Buffy ruined my life:

1. I don’t understand why I don’t have slayer strength

This is the thing, I’m “stronger than I look” but I’m not STRONG. You know what I mean? Like, I can carry heavy things, I took kickboxing briefly in high school and I didn’t wimp out when I went camping with my family and had to hike out 4 miles in pouring rain with a huge camping pack on, but I don’t have Slayer Strength.

Buffy Summers does and she is amazing. I mean, I know she’s The Chosen One and everything, but she can really kick butt. (She also heals quickly and doesn’t bruise which I’ve always been intensely jealous of.) A ton of vampires closing in on her? Who cares! Some gross demon stalking her? She’s fine! And she makes it look SO easy. Never a hair out of place, never without makeup, never sweating.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/eastautumnpacificocean Colleen Sweeney

    I feel you. I watched Buffy faithfully every Tuesday night for four or five years. I quit watching because the violence was getting to be too much for me (I have a strong aversion to bones being broken). I went out and got three holes pierced in my ears because Buffy had multiple ear piercings. I went out and bought block heel ankle boots and a pleather jacket. Of course, I couldn’t make the jacket look as good as SMG did, but I felt awesome.

    • http://www.facebook.com/erinmallorylong Erin Long

      Don’t feel bad, I don’t think anyone can make that look work EXCEPT for SMG.

    • http://www.facebook.com/onesmartsandwich Rebecca Lynn

      I’m rewatching the show now, and really considering a third lobe piercing!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1294773404 Brian Stanley

    “Anyone else start watching Ringer and then wonder why she didn’t just start beating everyone up?”

    Yes. I didn’t consciously think of Buffy, but I couldn’t watch the show because her character was so wimpy.

    • http://www.facebook.com/erinmallorylong Erin Long

      Agreed. I watched the beginning of the season but kind of just stopped in the middle.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=265501282 Natalie Borriello

    This didn’t disappoint, I could probably leave a 10 page comment now about HOW much I agree (I won’t), my obsession with Buffy ruined me (I actually owned a surviver kit they sold complete with holy water, cross and Claddagh ring-I know I Know), and any graphics project at school would probably feature something buffy themed , I own leather trousers and to this day If wearing long sleeves they have to cover half my hands (have a look she always does this)…this may be my favourite of your posts yet, and there is some hefty competition!
    xxx

    • http://www.facebook.com/erinmallorylong Erin Long

      Too kind! I also remembered I always say “look at me dancing crazy!” and no one usually gets it. I’m obsessed with Anya.

    • http://www.facebook.com/erinmallorylong Erin Long

      Look at me! I’m dancing crazy!

    • http://www.facebook.com/jamesmason01 James Mason

      While I really enjoyed the article as a whole, I actually burst out laughing at your confession about the survivor kit. I had no idea they even made such a thing, but it’s brilliant.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jamesmason01 James Mason

      (Your being Natalie obviously)

    • http://www.facebook.com/ColdFallingRain Karla Marie Piñeiro

      I STILL have that kit!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=265501282 Natalie Borriello

      Best Purchase I ever made :) haha, any vamps wouldn’t know what hit em’
      xxx

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1310361048 Penelope Dawn

    I just, I love you. “The Gift” makes me cry EVERY time. The first time I was saw it was straight-up genuine hysterics. I would also hate Eliza Dushku if it weren’t for Faith at the end of the series there. I see Dark Willow every time Lily’s hair is dark on HIMYM. One of the first things I ever Tumbld was my top 5 favorite episodes since I was watching the entire series on Netflix. It’s seriously a problem.

  • http://www.facebook.com/emmasarah88 Emma Sarah Endean

    I agree with much of this – not all, and there are loads of other ways in which Buffy ruined my life (and my bank account…), saying that, I loved every minute of it! I can still quote most of the scripts and own season 9… I found my old stake whilst going through boxes the other day. My 13th birthday party was Buffy themed and we walked through this creepy old church yard with stakes and holy water. I also had a friend who was convinced her boyfriend was a werewolf.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1491745249 Sarah Jezior

    “Why can’t that just be my life? Killing some vampires, sometimes being taken over by a singing and dancing demon, having witty banter with my friends and always wearing a pleather jacket and carrying a stake?

    Grr. Arg.”

    HHAHAHHAHAH girl. i loved buffy / all supernatural teen dramas so much that im actually kind of offended that i haven’t discovered any secret powers yet… like, what’s with that?

    • http://www.facebook.com/erinmallorylong Erin Long

      Duh. I’m STILL waiting to find out I’m the Slayer.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505063104 Missie Marchand

    I just re-watched the seven season series recently. I also own the 8th season in motion comic format. Joss Whedon (creator/director) had an amazing way of taking the teenage condition and amplifying it through demons and mystical happenings. Going through your teenage years can FEEL as though you’re living on a hell mouth.
    Joss will forever be my favourite TV story teller, and deserves more credit for his amazing creativity

    • http://www.facebook.com/erinmallorylong Erin Long

      Agreed 100%

  • http://www.facebook.com/onesmartsandwich Rebecca Lynn

    I started rewatching the series when Netflix finally added it. In the past week, I’ve dreamed twice that I was the slayer. I’m pretty sure I”m having prophecy dreams, as slayers do.

  • http://www.facebook.com/smoook Emily Smookler

    I think you just described my life.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thash10 Thash Nathan

    I was convinced all librarians were harboring Slayer related secrets, and one of them was going to “discover” me and I’d be just like Buffy. Meanwhile I’m still waiting for Spike to show up at my door. I’d invite him in anytime. We can totally discuss Angel’s Nancy Boy hair.

  • http://www.facebook.com/tuttlelaw Leigh Ann Tuttle

    I love this. I had stopped watching the show during the 6th season just because I had gotten too caught up with life. I always meant to go back and finish it because I loved it. Recently I had a baby so while on Maternity leave I rewatched the whole show. I agree with all 5 of these. Including the musical episode being one of my favorites if not my all time favorite even though everyone complained about it! So nice to see a kindred spirit out there!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jillcs Jill Meredith Collins Sinnott

    “Anyone else start watching Ringer and then wonder why she didn’t just start beating everyone up?”

    Yes. But it particularly bothers me in I Know What You Did Last Summer, in which she plays a typical murder victim. I’m like, “Why aren’t you beating that guy down? He’s just a human; you can take him!”

    • http://www.facebook.com/eastautumnpacificocean Colleen Sweeney

      I did the same thing! I rewatched that movie a month ago, and I was like, “Just headbutt him and then do a roundhouse. Buffy would never scream like that in the face of danger.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/amber.travers Amber Travers

    I loved reading this! Thanks for posting :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1356117492 Elias Taru Sofsky

    Can we discuss the exact how’s and why’s of how and why David Boreanaz just completely stopped being attractive after season 1? Like he just wasn’t good looking anymore, and that’s sad to me. discuss.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jess.m.engel Jessica Engel

      I have always thought that! It kinda irked me that I wasn’t more in love with Angel…because I want to love everything Buffy loves, obviously! But then, when I rewatched Buffy on netflix, I was like…hmmm…Angel is much more attractive in season one. Oh well…on to team Spike 😉

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000017097757 Cynthia Heness

    I am a professional woman with a Buffy clock on my office wall. Doesn’t that say it all?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1656720113 Erin Gerofsky

    I was in a shadow cast for Once More With Feeling in Toronto. Living inside that episode every week in rehearsals and for 3 exhilarating sold out performances, was incredible. Also I totally feel you on the Eliza Dushku thing. I couldn’t even bring myself to watch Dollhouse because of this.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jocelyn.haeberle Jocelyn Haeberle

    Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes

  • http://www.facebook.com/laurensummers Lauren Frederick

    I recently rewatched the entire series again as well, watching the final season for the first time. I miss it already. I want to be all of their friends, and I am thankful that Lily on HIMYM is just as endearing as Willow is, and how Xander has now made an appearance on Criminal Minds. I get excited when i see any of them, because I KNOW ALL OF THEM. :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=13727825 Amanda Kashmoney Jurkash

      I’m sorry I downward arrowed your comment – I really wanted to reply and couldn’t see the reply link. FAIL.

      Anyway – I was going to ask if you saw Xander on Private Practice. It was SO WRONG and I can’t look at him the same.

  • http://www.facebook.com/eyedine Matt N Robin Hutto

    My absolutely all time favorite show. I have a few of the box sets on DVD. I need to get like 3 more I think. I never stopped watching though. I watched it from episode 1 to the destruction of Sunnydale. I was so depressed when it ended. I even tried to get into “Angel” the show but it wasn’t the same without Buff.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kylevm420 Kyle Vincent Mendolera

    IT MUST BE BUNNIES!!!!
    Lmao this scene from the musical episode is still tied for my favorite tv moment of all time along with a very funny scene from desperate housewives. Currently in season 4 of buffy again! Its an adrenaline rush every time i watch it =]

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