Like everything amazing in my life, I came to Arrested Development too late. (Yes, I am part of the problem.) Actually, I guess I haven’t come to everything too late – I mean, if you never give up the 90’s and then they come back that counts as being early to something, right? Anyway. As soon as I saw the first moment of Arrested Development I was hooked. (I’M A MONSTER!) Weirdly, my main love interest initially on this show was Portia de Rossi because I was a HUGE Ally McBeal fan. But now, luckily, I’ve become obsessed with the entire cast – and able to see them on almost everything. (Sidebar, someone just said “dustbuster” near me and my immediate response was to say “I no does Buster anymore!” under my breath like a crazy person)
At any rate, from the moment I met the Bluths I wanted to be part of their family. That’s the sickest part for me. I watch them and all I can think is, “this seems like a fun family!” I definitely am legitimately concerned I’m going to name a child of mine Maeby because I think it’s adorable and I can’t remember ever wanting a frozen banana before watching this show. I’m actually overwhelmed by the idea of discussing this show, so in preparation for Sunday (when I probably watch the new season in one sitting) here are five ways Arrested Development ruined my life:.
1. This Show Has Ruined Me For Guest Stars On Other Shows
I mean you just can’t compare with the guest stars (and just stars) Arrested Development has and also the way they USE these guest stars.
I love Say Anything and then we bring in Ione Skye as Ann’s MOM?! Yes, please. I’ve loved Christine Taylor for years and we get her AND Ben Stiller? I mean, it goes on and on. I was elected to be “Fern” with my friends when casting Jawbreaker so I’ve always had a fondness for Judy Greer. (How good is she and everyone else from Arrested on Archer, by the way? Love.)
But then we have genius things like Henry Winkler JUMPING OVER A SHARK and Scott Baio coming in to drop some Happy Days jokes on us (with Ron Howard, obviously).
I don’t even know what to say. Here is a brief list of other amazing guest stars and oh my god is it Sunday yet?
- Liza Minnelli
- Ed Begley Jr.
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus
- Charlize Theron
- Amy Poehler
- Jane Lynch
- James Lipton
- Zach Braff
2. I Feel Like I’ve Never Seen a Chicken
One of my favorite jokes on this show is everyone’s chicken dance. It starts with GOB and then we find out everyone has an amazing chicken dance, which eventually causes Michael to say, “has anyone in this family ever even SEEN a chicken?”
Of course, one fateful night in 2006 in NYC (we call it Tattoo and Piercing Night) some friends and I went with a friend to get a tattoo (and I ended up getting my cartilage pierced) and basically we ended up in Washington Square Park each doing a different Bluth family member’s chicken dance.
I pretty much can’t even think about calling someone chicken without mimicking one of these dances.
3. Forever Link Segways With Magic
I don’t know about you, but GOB is one of my favorites…in a cast where everyone is my favorite.
GOB taught us that tricks are what whores do for money (or candy!) but that he does ILLUSIONS, Michael.
I once received a gift from my BFF labeled “DEAD DOVE” (the DO NOT EAT was implied) and whenever I see a segway I think the person on it is probably a magician.
Also, I mean, there’s no way I can ever hear “The Final Countdown” without thinking of GOB, sorry.
4. I Think In Tobias Funke Comments
Tobias, like Bob Loblaw, is a mouthful. Or, says a mouthful…of things. Whatever.
Don’t show me a sausage if you don’t want me to go full Mrs. Featherbottom and talk about how here in the States we call it a sausage in the mouth.
I’m definitely buy-curious about many new trends and I would consider myself a leather daddy while trying to go to the Gothic Castle, thank you very much.
If I ever dressed up as a Smurf I’d definitely say “I just blue myself” all night. And I even, in real life said a phrase my husband deemed to be very Tobias Funke.
I AM afraid I just prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run and there are many things I want to put on my business cards and “analrapist” is definitely one of them.
5. Okay Pretty Much I Want to Say Every Line from Arrested In Real Life
Did a seal bite your linus off?
I’m a monster!
He’ll be “all right.”
You’re gonna get some hop-ons.
Look at banner, Michael!
Spring Break! Whooo!
Say goodbye to these.
A million f*$king diamonds!
What a fun, sexy time for you!
(Images screengrabbed by me or my own)