Dear 15-Year-Old Me,

You’ve wanted your first kiss for at least five years now which, at this point, feels like the end of time. It seems like every one of your girlfriends has kissed a boy and you’re the loser that nobody wants on their team. Here’s a reality check. Lots of people LIE to seem cooler. Weird, right? But it’s true. They  literally make up stories, like in the movies and pretend  it’s their REAL LIFE.  You didn’t get that memo, so you very openly pine about wanting a first kiss. Yours is coming, even if it’s long after everyone else’s. But in the end? You win, because fibbing ain’t fly.

You have no real prospects and now that everybody in your high school is pairing up in happy coupledom, your chances with anybody seem awfully slim. Stop feeling so bad for yourself. First of all: waiting is where it’s at. And also? You’ve already had your first kiss. Yeah girl, you did!

Let’s take a walk down memory lane…

It was third grade. You liked having weekend slumber parties with your girlfriends because a) you’re a human being b) you love fun c) who doesn’t love pancakes with friends in the morning? Duh. One night you and your bestie of the moment, Ashley, were talking about crushes. As it turned out, you both were very attracted to a boy named Daniel. Daniel was of Italian descent. You called him “Daniel The Stallion” and boy did it make you giggle.

Mid giggle, you suddenly had the brilliant idea to practice kissing with Ashley. You wouldn’t want to be faced with the opportunity to kiss Daniel with absolutely no preparation. You whispered, “I’m going to be Daniel and you’re going to be Ashley.” Without much hesitation, Ashley understood.  The world got silent. You both got a little closer to each other, you looked at her lips and suddenly yours and hers were locked.

This was a different kiss than you’d ever experienced. Mainly because it was lip to lip and every other kissing experience you had up until this point involved your family members cheeks.  There was so much saliva moving around. Her lips were sort of dry and rough and yet… so, so wet. What a dichotomy.

It felt weird. But it was indeed a kiss. A FIRST kiss.

Fast forward to now…

You’re in high school and being hard on yourself for not having had a first kiss. Take some comfort in knowing that you have!  However, your second, first-kiss will come in the form of a boy named Dustin.

Oh, Dustin. Every girl loved Dustin. You went to summer camp with Dustin. What a name, eh? It just sounds hot.  During the year, when everyone would hang out on weekends to talk about how many more days were left until camp started again, you would look at Dustin and hope that maybe this summer would be the summer that you two fell in love.

The real on you two… You’re never going to be boyfriend and girlfriend.  But he will be your second-first-kiss. Get it!

It will be March. You will steal some Miller Genuine Draft from your Dad and bring it over to a friend’s house. You already know Dustin is going to be there, so you need some liquid courage (this I don’t recommend). After half a bottle and several excruciating hours, you are going to gather the courage to drag Dustin up the stairs to a spare bedroom.

Pull him into a room. Turn off the light. Darkness. Pull him onto the bed, when you find it, and kiss him. Just like that. I mean… I wouldn’t encourage this very aggressive method… but Dustin seems to like it. Maybe you stunned him? Maybe he’s been waiting for this moment his entire life as well? Maybe it was his first kiss also? No, I doubt it. He kissed everyone.  But the lips are locked and it is on.

It’s real, it’s magical and this is definitely even more different than the Ashley lip lock.

Moments after the kiss, you’ll both emerge from the spare bedroom. Well, he’ll leave. You’ll wait a minute before tearing down the stairs to tell your friends.   You want to play it easy-breazy, obviously.  Neither of you will look at each other the rest of the night. You’ll be acting “cool” and “silent”.  You’ll both act like it was your little secret moment.  Or maybe he was just shocked out of speaking.

That’ll be on a Saturday night.

On Monday, you’ll feel like a new woman. Like the first person chosen on the gym football team. Like the belle of the high school ball. Like a girl who kissed the love of her camp-life. And remember how I said people like to LIE to seem cooler? Well, D-bag will tell everyone you did it. WHAT? Your second-first-kiss did NOT hit a home run. It was a first base exclusive.

You know what happened. And so does Dustin. Don’t worry about he said/she said rumor mill. Don’t freak about being late in the kissing game either. Take your own time with your firsts because they only happen once. Or I guess in this case… as many times as you want to count as a first.

Love,

Your Future Self

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