Summer is almost here (well, basically here) and with that comes the end of another school year. Now, I haven’t been on a school year schedule since 2005 but that doesn’t mean I don’t still get a thrill thinking about the end of school year, beginning of summer and what kind of sprinkler is best. My mom is a teacher, her parents were both teachers and lots of people in my extended family in general are teachers. In a lot of ways I just didn’t (and still don’t, to some degree) understand how to not be in a “school’s out for summer” kind of mindset.
That being said, there are some GREAT fictional teachers out there (as well as real-life teachers, obviously) and just dreaming about one of them walking into your classroom could give you enough of a reason to want to get back to school. Some (okay, most) of these guys I actively had a crush on (I understand NOW that they aren’t real) but I also just think they’re good teachers, okay?
(And just happen to be really super attractive and usually the other characters have crushes on them too okay, fine, you’re right, it IS just a list of Teachers I Had Huge Crushes On . . . let’s just move on. I mean, I didn’t invent this, you’ve all heard “Hot For Teacher,” right?)
1. Mr. Bergstrom – The Simpsons, episode “Lisa’s Substitute”
This is really the dream, right? Your teacher, Mrs. Hoover, is out because she has Lyme Disease (well, really she just THINKS she has Lyme Disease) and you get a guitar-toting hottie voiced by Dustin Hoffman as a substitute. Swoon.
Lisa Simpson, a girl after my own heart, instantly falls for Mr. Bergstrom. She goes to the museum with her dad and Mr. Bergstrom, she gets nervous to invite him to dinner and she cries and runs after his train when he finally has to leave. But he’s off to have new students because, as Mr. Bergstrom says, “the life of a substitute teacher is a lonely one.”
2. Professor David Wilder – Dawson’s Creek
Once they get to college on Dawson’s Creek it’s pretty clear it should be called Joey’s River so we spend a lot of time watching Joey Potter figure out how to be a college student. One way to help getting through freshman year it to have a super hot English professor who also spends all his time flirting with you and then ultimately kissing you.
Come on. Every other girl at the school realizes that Professor Wilder is a hottie and line up around the hallway to get into his office hours. It’s really only Joey who doesn’t seem to notice. You know, until they kiss. And really, it’s fine. I mean, it’s a grey area of like, appropriateness but she’s 18 or whatever so it’s actually fine.
Too bad she gets mugged on the way to meeting back up with him and we never see what could have happened between them. Sigh.
3. Mr. Coulson – Never Been Kissed
I owned Never Been Kissed on VHS so I basically watched it around the clock for a while. I haven’t seen it in years so I can’t vouch for how ridiculous it seems now that Drew Barrymore can be undercover as a teen or, more importantly, David Arquette. But I am sure I would still find intense enjoyment from this movie and the final scene with, “Don’t Worry Baby” playing over their kiss.
My biggest takeaway from this movie was: Mr. Coulsen is HOT. And, something about believing in yourself and not being concerned with what other people think is cool. Or something.
I mean, again, we have a situation where you’re kind of like, “wow, you’re close with this female student of yours” but you also find yourself thinking, “but she’s not actually a teenager and she IS perfect for you!!! KISS HER!”
Or maybe that’s just me.
4. Mr. Bixler – My Girl
Poor Vada Sultenfuss. She has so many problems for such a young girl. Her dad runs a funeral home that they also live in, he is getting re-married, her only friend in the world dies, she constantly thinks she’s dying and she’s in love with her teacher, Mr. Bixler.
She openly wants to marry Mr. Bixler and is horrified to learn he is marrying someone else. (You know, someone else who is older than 13.) She even takes an adult creative writing class over her summer just because he is teaching it. He seems like a decent guy and he appreciates Vada’s intelligence and is so sweet to her when he realizes she’s in love with him. He’s the best.
(Also, if you’ve never seen After Hours starring Griffin Dunne. . . you should. It’s awesome).
5. Giles – Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I understand that he’s the librarian at Sunnydale but he TEACHES Buffy about being a slayer so he’s included here. I’m actually sort of confused that Buffy doesn’t have a crush on Giles. Is it just me or is Giles kind of super hot?
I mean, I get that super nerdy librarians are for everyone but like, the man is really smart, kind of a loose cannon and can train you to kill vampires. Amazing. I mean, yes, he dates Miss Calendar, and he hooks up with Buffy’s mom (which, admittedly, did come off gross in the episode) but no one else seems to notice how attractive he is!
Am I glad there was no creepy Giles/Buffy fliration? Yes, of course. (Though I’m sure there’s tons of fan fic about just that). And duh, their relationship is so not that and is so much better than a flirtation could be. Obviously
I’m just saying, if I found out I was a slayer and Giles was my Watcher…I’d be pretty stoked.