Fictional Bro I Wish Was Real

Ferris Bueller

For a lot of ladies, the thought of dating the most popular guy not only in school but in the whole town is completely intimidating —  he’s almost at his max 5,000 Facebook friends, you guys can never go out to dinner uninterrupted because someone’s always stopping him to say “Hi”, and let’s not even talk about the line of women around the block (three times over) that are waiting for him to dump you (or wait for  you to keel over, whatever). But for Ferris Bueller, the coolest guy in Chicago in the 1986 movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, I would gladly put up with all three of those nuisances. More, even!

For those who might have had a horrible childhood not seen the movie, let me clue you in: There’s this guy named Ferris. He plays hooky one day during his senior year in high school and decides to joyride with his BFF Cameron (in Cam’s dad’s Ferrari) and spend the day in Chicago. On the way, he picks up his girlfriend Sloane from school, and the trio live it the eff up in the Windy City — Fancy meals! Museums! The Mercantile Exchange! Ferris even lip-syncs ‘Danke Schoen’ on top of a parade float to thousands of onlookers. Homeboy is connected.  In the meantime, the whole high school is wondering how ill Ferris is, hoping desperately that he gets well soon. </obligatory summary>

Besides the fact that he dresses like Cosmo Kramer (and pulls it off) or the fact that he does the adorable shower-mohawk thing, the best attribute about Ferris Buller that would make him a “choice” boyfo is his chilled-out lifeview, man. Cameron, a fellow senior, is practically crippled by hypochondria and anxiety. He can’t enjoy their day off because he’s too worried about his dad’s car and his inevitable impending death. Sloane, a year younger, feels lost because she doesn’t have clear direction, and worries that she might never find her path. But Ferris Bueller ain’t never scared. He convinces Cameron to stand up to his a-hole dad. He tells Sloane that he doesn’t know what he wants to be when he grows up either, and that’s okay sometimes. While Ferris’ sister hates his guts because she thinks he has it so easy, she never stops to think that maybe Ferris has it so easy because he doesn’t sweat the small stuff.

In your darkest hour — four pints deep into Chubby Hubby after getting laid off and/or accidentally sending a gossipy email to the person you were gossiping about — your boyfriend Ferris Bueller would swoop in and keep you in check. Maybe being around Ferris would not only give you a reason to pull out that old white leather fringe jacket, but it would also open your eyes to the fact that good stuff doesn’t “just happen” to certain people — certain people invite the good stuff in.

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