Feelings and emotions are not facts. They’re not logical. They can’t be judged as right or wrong. They just are. And we have very little control over why they arise and when. The only thing we have to do is acknowledge they’re there, if only to ourselves, so that they may pass.
There’s no such thing as a wrong emotion but it can be frustrating when you are feeling things that don’t make sense even to you. “Why are you crying?” “I don’t know.” “You can’t be mad at that.” “I know, but I am.” In a situation where a person or event has initiated a sudden uncomfortable gush of emotions, the best thing to do is just wait for them to pass in whatever way best facilitates that. If you don’t know why certain feelings are coming up then don’t worry about figuring them out. My rule is “Don’t do anything until tomorrow.” You can’t know most things when you’re emotionally overloaded and anything you do know is tainted by your mood. If you are overwhelmed, try to get back to center before making any moves. Who knows, they might be from a bad burrito or too little sleep. Sometimes it’s easiest to think of everyone as a baby: their emotions are not too hard to figure out.
Never pretend your feelings are not there even when you wish you didn’t have them. Stuffing emotions leads to a lot of bad mental muscle memory: you start an internal void that will grow greater and greater as time passes until one day you will be living within a disjointed reality created by yourself. Blocking emotions disconnects you from your gut and your awareness, which disables your ability to be self-protective. If you’re already betraying yourself by telling you that your emotions are wrong, you continue to betray yourself in other ways. When you become increasingly detached from your body, you are more prone to hurt it because you cannot feel it.
Sometimes emotions make complete sense: they have a trigger that is overt and you know exactly why you’re feeling them. Then there are the ones that come from seemingly nowhere, like a ghost haunting our quiet moments. I often get confusing emotions out of the blue, things like an anxiety or anticipation of something terrible, but I know now that it’s just an echo of an old scar. Almost like a phantom itch. It is not based on anything real, and I know to just wait it out. What I used to do was try and assign a source to this feeling, desperately trying to make sense of it to relieve its discomfort. What that did was validate the feelings and therefor make them “real”. When you feel uncomfortable feelings that are out of nowhere, know that they probably don’t have a true cause. Sometimes they’re just wafting through your body, a blip in your chemicals. Don’t give them more weight or meaning than they deserve. What I do is remind myself, “Sometimes I get these feelings, and that’s okay.” Then I usually do some yoga or throw a one-girl dance party.
Sometimes “old feelings” can tell you things that are not true about a current situation. Your emotional scars will raise alarm when you’re in a situation that echoes one past. These are harder to see through from but with time and trust, they too will be undone, replaced with the new truth of your experiences.
You are more than just a brain piloting a body. Your spirit lives in everything you are and everything you do: your touch, your tastes, your voice, your handwriting, the way you cook, the way you dance, your body, and your emotions. All of them are valid and need not be explained. No one else can or should tell you your feelings are wrong. They are not. No matter what they are, they are yours and only yours to feel. Don’t be afraid of them. The sooner you acknowledge them, the sooner you can let them go. Some are crappy but the more you feel them, the more alive you are and the bigger and brighter you are. Best of all, eventually you get the hang of all of them. You’re human and feelings are just part of that. And to feel is to become richer, more beautiful and more whole.
Happy Sunday, love to you all xox Sarah
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Such a great post and totally relatable. I’ve learned that it is usually best to step back and calm your nerves before making any irrational decisions. Sometimes I get a weird lump in my throat and that that odd feeling that something bad is bound to happen today and sure enough it does I’m wondering if it is something I created because of the worrying I do when this feeling surrounds me.
True dat Zelina. When in doubt step one is definitely step back. Regarding the lump in your throat, you might be right! I get the same one – all it took was me having a long dialogue with myself about what I could possibly be “psychically” anticipating. I eventually realized with some help from a friend, that I am definitely not and have never been able to foresee the future. As weird as that sounds, that helped me dissolve the faux-instincts into what they were: old echos. xox
I get like this alot and sometimes I don’t know why. I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who doesn’t understand why we get like this. Thanks for the article!
You are very welcome Erin
x
Thank you so much for this. As I’m in the UK, I only saw it when I woke up today (Monday), but ’twas exactly what I needed amid essay deadlines. So thanks, and Zen love. Jessi
Cool! So glad!! Zen love to you too
xox
Authors finding time to intellectually interact with their readers is a bit of an anomoly-at least in the places where I haunt. There’s likely a bit of a risk in said undertaking. For your effort in this regard you have my deepest respect.
You are so lovely! One of the consistently great parts of any given Sunday evening is reading your insightful advice. Thank you for being the way you are <3
Wow thanks Shalma! Back ‘atcha
xo
Thank you sarah!!!!
Hehe, you are very welcome. xox
Sometimes I have days where I think to myself, “Wow, how many feelings did I just experience in the last two minutes??” The answer to those moments is usually somewhere around a billion it seems……I always say hey to my feelings though, and just let them ride until they pass. Then I too, usually have some pretty outstanding solo dance parties.
Do it girl. Love me a dance party!! xox
loved this article .
Thanks Smriti!
Feelings and emotions are a part of everyone’s cerebral experience and they play a large part in determining who we are. However, at some point, we must look to verify or vilify ideas and feelings or face intellectual stagnation.
Very poetically said, Robert.
another brilliant article Sarah. Thank you!
I loved this. It is so true. I often have emotions and feelings that I don’t understand. I get stuck analyzing them and trying to figure them out. It’s the ones that I can’t that I need to realize are just blips. I don’t want to act on some stupid momentary feeling only to regret it later. Luckily, there seems to be something that feels not quite right or true about those times, so that I don’t. Great article!
TOTALLY. It’s like there’s an invisible seatbelt or something. I like to think of that as a gut that’s working. xox
You hit a an very important REALITY that Feelings/Emotions – are spontaneous, inner reactions to a person, place or situation and could be past or present. Neither right nor wrong.
I try to tell people this all the time ” Feelings just are”
Thanks for great article.
Thank you Angie
x
I feel so horrible at the moment… Life ain’t easy.
How to ‘find yourself’?
Gosia, that is the hardest place to be in: when you hurt try and find a way to ease that pain and let it pass the best way you know how. With practice it gets to become a routine. For me I do yoga breathing and try and focus on just my breath. Then I go for a walk. Then I call a friend. Then I watch a comedy that I know I love. And on and on just like that. There’s an end to the bad feelings, just do the best you can to get through it and know others like me understand. To ‘find yourself’ I’d say you have to get back to a place where you feel okay: balanced, good, everything is clear. That is the mission we are all on and it takes constant work. But I believe you will get there. x
“Blocking emotions disconnects you from your gut and your awareness, which disables your ability to be self-protective.”
““Sometimes I get these feelings, and that’s okay.” ” On my noticeboard they go! =)
Sometimes it takes a lot of work to get in touch with our own emotions, because it can be so damn difficult to separate the heart from the mind. At least for me. My mind almost always gets in the way. But I work on that, I believe it’s worth it. We need to savour every feeling, even the most outrageous anger, the deepest insecurity, the most lingering sadness, because if we don’t, we won’t ever reach the other side and get out of it. When it gets bad, dance parties are the best medicine, and of course, chocolate. is. your. friend.
Thank you Sarah, this is a very insightful piece! xx =)
LOL Love the chocolate medicine myself! Perhaps a bit too much…hehe Thank you Amalia. xox
Amen.
I get those random uncomfortable feelings too, and I used to try to figure exactly what they meant and why I was feeling them. It only made me feel worse. Now, I just acknowledge that it’s uncomfortable and move on. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one. Thanks Sarah. As always, you leave us with lovely words for a Sunday morning!
Thank you Liz, for yours
xo